Goodbye, 2011!

Here we are. Another year has come and gone. Kinda weird, huh? The Christmas trees are coming down, and silver and black hats and lots of glitter are coming out!
At the risk of being a total bummer, New Year's Eve is a sad time for me. I always tend to dwell on all the things that might not have happened the year before. All the things I missed out on. All the things that went unsaid or undone. Of course, there are those that take New Year's with stride and think about all the wonderful things that the new year will bring... But I know that a lot of you out there are just like me.
Maybe 2011 consisted of a loved one's death or a loss of a friendship? Maybe you lost your job or you're simply not where you wanted to be a year ago? Maybe you feel depressed because when the ball drops, you'll be standing there alone? Well, if you weren't depressed before, you are now, right? WRONG! If this year was bad, that means that next year can only bring good things! If you had loss in 2011, you can gain greatly in 2012. If you lost your job or you're just lost along the way to your dreams, 2012 can bring you something that makes you even happier and more fulfilled! If you're alone when the ball drops, who cares!? Maybe 2012 will bring you your lobster?
I think I learned something monumental this year that I've always thought I already knew. Worry does not change things. Worry will not mend a friendship that is just not happening anymore. Worry will not bring you any closer to your diploma. Worry will NOT make him come back, and it won't create the perfect man... Worry is dumb!
I spent a lot of time in 2011 worrying. Where was I headed regarding school? Will I be married early enough to have babies at a reasonable time? What kind of job can I get to afford to travel to all of these places that I dream about? The Lord came in my heart and said, "Hush, Macy! You think too much!" The last two months have been so incredible; I am so lucky! But they've been so wonderful because I stopped thinking so much about what I was doing, and I just did it!
I'm done chasing after people that don't even care one way or another whether or not they are in my life. I'm done trying to change people. I'm done tip-toeing around how I feel about things. I'm done with downplaying dreams because I think they're too far out! I mean, that's crazy!
It is impossible to describe how absolutely wonderful I feel right now! If 2012 consists of 12 months similar to the past 2 months, sign me up! I haven't felt this good in years! So. GOODBYE, 2011. I will not look back. Hey, 2012! I'm ready for it, and I'm ready to rock!

Love at Christmas?

It's Christmastime! A time of joy, love and merriment! It's a time to put all of our problems and worries aside so that we can join together to celebrate the birth of our majestic King! It's a time to set aside our differences and simply be one with eachother.
Now, if this is all true... If Christmas is such a magical time filled with red and green tinsel and wrapped up with an oversized bow, why is it that Christmas can sometimes make people so sad?
I'm going to guess that about 15% of the people that do not care for Christmas are those that are 'single'. Look around. Christmas has turned into a season tailor-made for couples. Haha. After this season, I have a new perspective on being alone at Christmas. It's not quite as bad as one would expect.
This is my first Christmas 'alone' in 7 years. At first I thought, "Oh, I can save some money on gifts..." or "I won't have to worry about whether or not our family events conflict with eachother." But my goodness, everytime I turn around there's a mistletoe sprig or holiday movie that screams, "Hey, Mace. You're alone!!"
Let's take a look at the things that Christmas brings about for us to do. These are all things I've tried or thought about trying. You tell me if they involve one person or two...
1. Baking Christmas cookies.
You know, it's sweet to bake the little cookies. Show off your expertise to your honey. Watch him eat most of them while you just smile giddily as he compliments your talents... Nah. Tried that. It's really not fun to bake cookies alone. Most of the time, I just ended up eating ALL the cookies by myself (depressing) or shoving them down my 13 year old sister's throat... Sweet? No.
2. Watching those sappy Lifetime movies.
It's tradition that we sit down with some lovely fella that insists that he 'doesn't mind' watching Lifetime with us. Let's be real, he does not want to watch an estranged pair of star-crossed lovers find eachother after 20 years apart or whatever, but he does it anyway. When the couple finally meets in some totally cliche coffee shop or are reconnected at the first place they ever met... The tears start flowing. The boy next to you grabs you and hugs you and the whole thing is just so 90's sitcom! But man does it beat sitting alone in your bed and crying your EYES out. Not only because there's no one to dry those tears caused by 'A Boyfriend for Christmas'... But also because you know that the chances that you will find the romance that Sally Sue and Bob have on this movie are about the same as the chances that your blood type will change.
3. Maybe playing a board game?
I love Addy and Grayson, but there's only so many times you can play Christmas-opoly and Trouble.
4. Ride around and see Christmas lights!
You cannot concentrate on driving AND looking at the lights when you're in the car alone... I've tried. Plus, it's easy to get lost.
5. Having someone on your arm at your family's Christmas party.
Thankfully, I haven't experienced this yet!

Ok... So you get the picture. Christmas is a time to cuddle up to whoever the flavor of the week is or whoever you are deeply committed to. Yes, whenever I am on my seventeen chocolate chip cookie or when I am watching some sappy movie, I wish I had some man there to love on me. BUT this year I have found a new appreciation for the other people in my life. I have gotten to actually do a good bit of shopping, we've bought lots of gifts for 'angels' from the tree at Crossroads, and we're making efforts to help a family have the kind of Christmas that we've always been blessed with at my house. I have been able to spend quality time with my mom and dad and Moni and the kids and Nathan. I've spent a lot of time just talking to my best friend, Jadey.. Kinda like when we were nine years old. Just because I don't have somebody to kiss under the mistletoe doesn't mean that I'm alone. I am blessed beyond measure with the incredible people that the Lord has placed in my life.
I believe that the Lord has my cookie-eating-Lifetime-movie-watching-game-playing-Christmas-loving-LORD-loving man somewhere out there! Haha. I cannot get over how much this year has just taken all that I am and jumbled it up. Broke it. Smashed it. Tore it apart. And then God came in and pieced me back together. It's like He breathed new life into me and set me up for something absolutely amazing!
I'm not sure I could have followed Him and seen Him like I have if I wasn't alone... So that's pretty cool.
Jesus is so cool. If God keeps molding me like this... My future honey better watch out! 'Cause I've got a lot to offer! :)

Fasting... Boyfriends

My last blogpost spoke of the beauty of finding the right man. Well, I do believe that there are men out there for every one of the women who expect the best for themselves.
It's funny because the new journey I am about to embark on seems to contradict a lot of what I wrote just two days ago, but I will try to communicate my feelings in the most understandable way possible!
I have always been the girl with a boyfriend. I have not gone more than two months 'single' since I was 12 years old. That's almost 8 years. I was never a serial dater; I've had three 'boyfriends' in my lifetime, but I have just become settled into the lifestyle of a habitual girlfriend.
Recently, I have broken up with my boyfriend of four years. It has caused an incredible amount of sadness and confusion and just pain, but it has forced me to reevaluate and move forward. It is scary to start over especially after so long. All of the girls that I grew up with are married, nearly married or in committed relationships that will end in marriage. The white picket fence is in their reach, and I have started over at the starting line.
God has led me to several verses to comfort me in the time:
-"Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them." Daniel 10:12
-"Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22
-"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." Proverbs 16:3

After talking with God, I have decided to begin a boyfriend fast. For one year, I will fight the instinct to be a girlfriend, and I will focus on finding ME and falling deeper in love with Christ. I guess I choose to blog about this personal thing because I want something and someone to hold me accountable. I want to really make this real, and I want to allow God to use me in ways that I wouldn't be able to be used if I had a boyfriend.
What if I find the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with in the next year? Well, if I find that man, he will wait for me. If he is truly the man that I am destined to be with. The man that God has made for me, then he will support me and love me more for being obedient to God's call.
I am ready, Lord. Use me.

Dream On, Ladies!

When we are young, we grow up with ideas of fairy tales dancing around in our heads.
We see Cinderella come from nothing, find a fairy that makes her beautiful, ride off to the ball in a silver pumpkin, make that prince fall in love with her and live happily ever after!
Sleeping Beauty gets to sleep for days and days and wakes up to this beautiful man kissing her and wanting to get married as soon as she changes out of her pajamas.
Jasmine, Snow White, Ariel... There are so many stories about these women that have extraordinary men that move mountains, kill dragons, visit every home in the village only to find THEM and so much more! These stories make us believe in love, and they make us want something more and something amazing with men in our own stories.
Now, as we grow up and have our hearts broken, we break away from these visions in our head. We start to believe that these stories are only stories, and we begin to settle.
In all reality, most men are not going to lay their lives on the line just to see us smile. Most princes are not going to turn away hundreds of women throwing their bodies at him in order to find a quiet, blonde he danced with for seven minutes. Most men are going to ignore our phone calls at times, choose their friends over us at times, refuse to watch Friends with us at times, and make us miserable at times.
Men have an incredible advantage. They know that we do not expect a fairy tale prince. They know that we are careful not to nag about things that drive us crazy or fight for things that make us upset in fear of pushing them away. For these reasons, a substantial amount of them (not all) choose to not even try to be the prince. They settle because we do.
There are princes in the world, ladies. The ones that fight for us. Not literally throw punches, but they fight for our heart. They hang on. Whether that means for days or weeks or months or four years. They continue to believe in you despite terrible decisions that you make. They go months not speaking to you, but they welcome you back with open arms no matter where it is in your life that you are or what the circumstances of your coming back is. They smile at you even though it breaks them inside to know what you've done to them. They text you back. They answer your calls. They sit on the phone listening to you whine about all the things they once warned you would happen. Some men out there are waiting to make your fairy tale come true, but you never give them the chance.
Don't listen to society and think that they are too good to be true. Just believe in them. And love them.

Woman.

"Well-behaved women rarely make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain." - Jennifer Anniston
"Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future." - Audrey Hepburn

"When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than Butterflies..." - Sarah Jessica Parker

“Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world.” - Marilyn Monroe

 

All of these quotes are ones that hold certain significance for me for certain reasons. Let me get one thing straight... I am no extreme feminist. Boys, you can open my doors and buy my dinner anytime!! :) But the magic of women... It's incredible.

Centuries of research and experience depict men as the bread winners. They work so hard. They get up early and they come home late. They are the bug-killers. The picture hangers. The car fixers. Atleast they always have been in my life. But what about the women that are all of those things for their families? The women that get up early and stay out late doing a job to provide for their families without a man. Or maybe they are just helping their man to create a better life for themselves. The women that stay at home with children. To make sure that they are eating what they need. Staying safe. They have a 24-hour job making sure that their child is growing up in the way that they need to have a firm foundation. Making sure their sweet babies are becoming God-loving, kind, productive citizens.

If you walk into the universities across the country, you will see strong, beautiful, intelligent women that are striving to make something of themselves. The ones that are becoming doctors. Lawyers. Engineers. Teachers. Psychologists. These women are making changes. These women rule the world, people. The compassion that they hold. The beauty. The intelligence.
I saw the movie, Courageous, this weekend. It was earth-shattering for me! It was such a wonderful film. It really hit on the importance of a father figure in the lives of their children. That father figure must stand up to show their kids the Word and way that they should grow in the faith! I can't help but think of the importance that women have in raising their children as well. Not only their children but the little girls at church. Or where they work. Or their peers. We, as women, have a duty to be a walking and living example of a godly woman. It is the most important task that we have.

Being that example does not mean being passive. We have to follow our passions, live out our desires and stand out from the crowd. We have to live a life that not just says 'Jesus' but SCREAMS it with bright, flashing radiance.

I have to let my lifesong sing. Not just a quiet instrumental. I have to sing the melody with every ounce of enthusiasm I hold in my body.

Women have a unique opportunity to do so, and we can't do that lightly.

Judging & Gossip.

I had quite a little realization today while sitting in traffic on the way home from school.
Georgia State has a far more diverse group of students than that which could be found at Mercer.
Just today, I witnessed the fake smokers... yes, you know what I'm referring to, a young lady with bright indigo and purple hair cut into a bob, a dashing chap with missing front three teeth (yes, a student)... and many more. Let me explain if maybe you don't know what type of person could be spotted crossing the quad at Mercer University. At Mercer, there were polos, khakis, dresses, sweatpants, 'norts' (I think) and Northface apparel. That's all!
Anyway, In a round about way, I am trying to get to my point, here. In my personal walk with Christ, I do face my worst sin. Everyone has one, and mine is gossip. I love to do it. I know how wrong it is, but I do it without noticing it's happening. It's a bad situation.
Okay, okay. The point. You remember I was talking about having a 'come-to-Jesus' in my car today. I was thinking about all the outrageous things I saw at school. Thought about all the things that I would have laughed with my mom or Jade about if they had been with me at the time. Then all the stories of the funny people I met seemed kind of stupid and extremely trivial. It hit me. I don't care about gossiping. I care about spending quality moments with the people I love where we laugh and talk and do fun things such as that! :) Then something else hit me. No, not a car or anything terrible like that, but while I am sitting and judging other people, I could be being a light of Christ for them. Geeze, that's humbling.
Walking through Woodruff Park or simply walking two feet on Gilmer Street really does mean something completely different! :) Jesus is really cool!

No Excuses.

This morning at church, our pastor talked about excuses. We all have them. We all give them. We all rely on them. I am the queen of excuses. "I'll volunteer once I figure out what my school schedule will be like." "I'm gonna skip the gym because it's already so late, there will be so many people there." "I'll clean out my closet tomorrow. In the morning." "I'll mend that relationship another time. They'll think I'm an idiot." "I don't have time." "I don't have the ability." "I don't know enough."
So. After seeing how my day to day life is so full of excuses, I looked back at my resolutions that I made on January 1st of this year.
1. Finalize a demo and take headshots. -Demo done. But I hated it. Photos not done.
2. Run a 5k. -Not done.
3. Write an album. -Half way there.
4. Donate $250 to a charity. -Not done.
5. Tithe. -Not as much as I should.
6. Read 30 Books. -6 left!
7. Go to a Concert. -I've already been to 2. One more in September.
8. Take a GIRL vacation. -Did that with Mom. :)
If I look back on my year, I like to think I've accomplished a lot. But there is so much left to be done.
I'm working my way through the Bible. I'm almost finished with 1 Samuel. I'm about to start going to school on the 22nd. I've started volunteering with North Douglas in a Kindergarten class. I'm about to start taking some Cake Decorating Classes! Haha.
I guess a good question is why am I doing all this stuff? Why spend so much time being BUSY!?
I want to learn more. I want to have skills that I can pass on. Knowledge that I can pass on. I want to be a great role model for my sister and cousins and anyone else I might touch along the way! I just feel deep down inside that I'm headed somewhere. Changes are going to be made, and I am going to accomplish something that means something. Something to me. Something to my family. Something to the world. Something in the Kingdom of God!

Wait, Wait, WAIT!

Well, life after camp has been bittersweet.
Everyone warned me of a feeling of depression when I left camp, and I believe that I have discovered what everyone was talking about. At Winshape, you are constantly surrounded by a family that loves you and genuinely cares about your life and, even more importantly, your walk with Christ. When your at home or at work or at school, remembering to follow the same rituals that you once did at camp is more difficult, but still just as rewarding. I am still so incredibly thankful for the things that I learned while at camp. I am more disciplined. I believe in myself and my purpose. If I could go up and hug and kiss everyone that led me to Winshape and helped me in my journey there, I would do it.
Time is just slipping by so fast. Too fast. My sister is starting 7th grade in four days. My cousins will be in 2nd and 4th grade. I am starting my sophomore year of college in 22 days. I haven't started high school in roughly 2 years... I am jobless. I am not sure what I want to do with my major in psychology. I am not sure what I will do tomorrow, but I have genuinely never been happier.
I am not letting petty people or small people get me down. I am finding ways to be a bigger person rather than just talk about being a bigger person. I am learning to be a role model for my younger sister and cousins and everyone that I may have an opportunity to influence. I thank God for my life and the chances that I have to be something. Be something big. It's time to be something big.

Blog Name Change and Basic Updates! :)

I have decided to change the name of my blog.
It's funny. The original name of my blog was 'Chapter 2' because I thought that college as a whole was only going to be one chapter in my life. Man, have I learned differently! In the past year, I think I've gone through like 12 chapters!! Singing in Jacksonville was a chapter. Getting through college chemistry. Chapter. Deciding to transfer schools. Chapter. Actually going through all the motions to transfer. Working at Winshape. I have changed, and I continue to change.
I have renamed my blog 'Isaiah 40'. Isaiah 40: 15-24 says:
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
He weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.
Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
Before Him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by Him as worthless and less than nothing.
With whom, then, will you compare God?
To what image will you liken Him?
As for an idol, a metalworker casts it, and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
People too poor to present such an offering select wood that will not rot.
They look for a skilled worker to set up an idol that will not topple.
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

I know... It's long, but this passage really speaks to me. It speaks the the infinite power and fury that God holds, but all the while, He loves us and holds us in the palm of His hand.
It's absolutely crazy and overwhelming to even try to grasp it. God is just awesome!

Growing Up is Hard to Do.

The other day, at the beach, I had one of those moments. One of those that you wish you could take a snapshot of. Capture every emotion and feeling that you have in that one instant and keep it close to your heart forever. My mom and I were talking about how as you get older, you see deeper into things, and those things are just not as rosy and beautiful as you once thought they were. Despite seeing things for what they really are, growing up gives us the opportunity to make our own joy. We have the ability to look past every problem in our lives.. I know it's not easy, but I pray that God gives me the strength to do so.
In every year that passes, we see truth. Marriages in your family. Relationships. Trips. Bad history. Good history. Money and Finance. School. Friendship. Decisions. Life. The truth is that people fall out of love. Marriages fail. Relationships fail. People lie. People deceive you. Money runs out. We lose jobs. We mess up...
My prayer is that God keeps me humble. No matter what He might decide to throw my way, I pray that He gives me the ability to find joy. AND spread joy to those that might need some.
I am about to embark on so many new things. School starts at the end of August. I am going to audition for the Voice. I have to find a job so soon. I am blessed with being in town and being able to watch my sister cheer for her middle school team and experience my cousins growing SO quickly. I'm 19 years old! I am having the time of my life, and I praise the Lord for my joy. I just hope that He will give me joy when things aren't so great. And I pray that He will bring some peace to those people that I love that are having a hard time right now.

LifeChange.

What can I say about the last month of my life? LifeChange. That's the only thing I can think of.
This year, I worked at Winshape Camp at Young Harris College. It was the very first year for the Young Harris branch, and I believe it was a complete and total success! 32 first through sixth graders accepted Jesus into their hearts. It's still unbelievable to me!
"Camp is about the campers" but God sent me to Winshape for another reason as well. My relationship with God has grown more than I ever expected, and I am incredibly thankful! Everything has more meaning, I think. I cherish moments more. I value time with loved ones more so than I ever took energy to do before. I won't let things get to me as badly because I send all my hardships right up to The Rock. He gives me shelter, and He gives me strength.
God has a plan for me. It is simply my responsibility to take it and run with it. God gave me a talent. A talent that I could be using and cultivating every day, but I haven't. Not anymore. I'm running. I have no idea where I am headed, but I know He'll catch me. And that makes me so excited and so hopeful!
In 1 Timothy 4:12, it says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." There was a time during Staff Training in May when the 350 college student staff stood singing "It Is Well With My Soul" together during worship. We sang the last verse that says,
"And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul."
Everyone shouted and cheered and lifted their hands to the heavens to accept the absolute awesomeness of our God. It was in that moment that God spoke to me. Every once in a while, I admitt to feeling left out and odd because I've never followed the same path that is widely accepted for college students. I've made changes to my lifestyle that confuse and anger some people in my life. I have a hard time relating to many of the people that I once was very close to. But in that one moment with God, He spoke to me... He said, "Well done, Macy. Well done." Some of my friends were a little bit unsure of why I would want to sign my life over to Winshape for the summer. Why would I want to give up my phone, computer, short shorts and strapless dresses to go to a camp with little girls and 40 staff members that I had never met. God calmed EVERY insecurity that I EVER had in that one moment with Him. There were 350 other college students that chose not to go on vacation... They chose not to lay around the house all day every day until school starts again... They chose not to get other jobs, and some left jobs they have had for a long time... (Which are all AWESOME, fun and beneficial things) What I'm saying is that I am not alone. We are young, but we are an example. We live for Him, and I love knowing that my new community of friends will be there for me when I need them. No matter what!
I am incredibly thankful for everything He has done for me. I want to let my life be something for Him. Even if it's just something that He might smile at every once in while. Maybe I can lead the sort of life that leads someone else to Him. I just know that I'm on FIRE, and I never want it to go away.

Happiness & Camp

I have been reading a book called 'The Happiness Project' that has really opened my eyes to things around me. I did not intend to read the book and adopt her many different approaches to make herself happy. I wanted to simply read about her journey, but I have learned a great deal about my own journey in the process.
Small things: She talked about the importance of collecting things. She had never been a collector of anything, and neither have I. She started collecting blue bird accessories, and she testifies that it did, indeed, make her happier. I guess the idea that you have something to show for a passion that you have is incredibly rewarding. I started to think about what I might want to collect, and I decided on setting out to collect all 50 Disney Animated Motion Pictures. Well, there are 50 right now. I only have ONE, so I better get to work on collecting! I loved all those movies growing up, and I would love to have all of them on hand when I have children of my own! It's little things like this that I've picked up, and I am all the greater of a person for it!
I leave for camp on Wednesday, and I am filled with so many different emotions. I am so very excited and ready for God to work through me. But at the same time, I am absolutely terrified. I feel a little bit sad about leaving my family behind for an entire month with really no communication... And I am also so anxious and ready to get the ball rolling. I think the one thing I can take away from this so far is that I have the power to do anything with God's help.
I have sat in my room trying to psyche myself out for nearly two weeks now. I get so worked up and so worried about what might or might now happen at camp this month, but then I take a deep breath and pray. I know that God would never put me through anything that I could not handle. I also know that he will take good care of everyone I love while I'm gone! I am ready. Unfortunately, I won't be posting during the camp. We aren't allowed to bring our laptops, but when I get home, I'm sure I will have so many great stories to tell about the summer that God chose to change me.

Love to Live It!

We go through so many days trying to make it to the top or get our way. We worry about someone getting a leg up on us or looking foolish.
Tonight, my family and I were talking about what really got into the man that claimed that Jesus was on His way back tonight. I think God has plans. He needed this man to get a point across to all of us. We need to be ready. For whatever or whenever the time comes... We should be ready with open and willing hearts.
I also think God is trying to show us a better way to live. My aunt, Moni, said something that I completely agree with. She said that our society is far more interested in impressing their boss instead of impressing our God!! Some people spent today soaking up every second and doing all the things that satisfied their own needs. We should be trying to meet God's needs!
God is our father... and I like to think of Him as a parent. I know that He will love me no matter what, but I want to make Him proud. I want to live a life that glorifies and serves Him the best that I can. If today is the day. Or tomorrow. Or December 2012. I want to completely give every second I have left to make Him proud of His daughter!

Don't Look Back... Unless It Makes You Happy! :)

This summer has been full speed ahead. I haven't really had time to sit still or breathe. Camp is coming up soon, and I could not be more ready. I guess I am just so anxious and excited about it that I can't chill out! God has been working in my life so much lately. There have been so many habits and decisions that I have made in the past that I know held me back, but lately, it has been so much easier to make the changes I need to make in order to be closer to Him. I want to be a role model for these little girls with all of my heart. I want to be a light to the other camp leaders, and I believe that with God's help, I can accomplish that and more!

God has been putting a lot of people on my heart from my past. I have started thinking and praying about it, and I know that some of the things I did and some of the things I said were wrong. I hurt a few people that I really cared about and that really cared about me. If I could go back and make some changes, I would do so. Unfortunately, I can't. But I have all the memories and beauty of the past to remind me of how great things were. When I go to camp, I have multiple messages to give the people that I come in contact with. I want to spread the majesty of God's word. And I want to make sure those girls know that the only thing that is important in life is to hold the people that they love close to their heart. No matter what. No matter if everyone else thinks they are absolutely crazy. No matter how hard they have to work to get the message across. No matter what... they have to follow their hearts. They have to say what they need to say. They need to speak those words from their hearts and from their souls. Keeping your mouth shut and walls up will only lead us to regrets and 'what if's'.

I am a happy girl. I am thankful for what I have, and I would not change a thing about my life. I guess sometimes it just makes you wonder what could have been?

Summertime!*

I love Summer. I guess I forgot how much! It's slightly weird because Mackenzie is still going to school and everything is going on as normal, but it is MY summer nonetheless! I am a lucky, lucky girl to have had the year that I had, and I am a lucky girl to have all the opportunities ahead of me that I do.
I am really good at making myself busy. Before camp in 16 days, I have a garage sale, Georgia State registration/orientation, playing Ariel at the Winston Elementary School play, my birthday... and there are other things, too. I have come home to just continue on with a full, busy schedule instead of kicking back and taking a breather. I guess, it's hard for people that AREN'T like to me to understand. I love to have things going on. I love to know that my talents and energies are being put to good use. I am only going to be young and without big responsibility once. I want to take advantage of what can be done right now while I still can!
On Saturday, I went to the musical with Jade, her roommate, Jodi, and Stephanie. It really reminded me how much I loved doing to musicals. I also sang at Alexander on Friday afternoon, and it REALLY made me remember how much I love performing. It is an innate passion. You can't make someone love to perform; it comes in DNA! I hope I can make some sort of performance career together. I don't want to look back and wonder 'what if' forever.
I guess my head is just in too many places to describe one or two things that I'm thinking of right now? I am just absolutely blessed and excited about what God is doing in me! I am open to wherever He want to take me and whatever He may want me to do!

The Happiness Project

I bought an amazing book this afternoon, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It is already absolutely eye-opening. I can't put it down.
I've wanted to read it for a while, and I have wanted to start my own Happiness Project. It is a year long experiment that will take me to new places inside of myself that I have never experienced. I plan on taking a month to plan out what makes me happy, sad, angry, passionate, etc. So I will be starting my project on June 1st! The goal is to tackle one main area of your life a month, and I plan to do so.
I hope to use this blog to help myself keep track of what's going on through this project.

So excited!

Carrie Bradshaw

Most of us know the glamorous and powerful Sex in the City character, Carrie Bradshaw. In the movies and television series, she is played by Sarah Jessica Parker.



Of course, we can find fault in this character. Suggest Sex in the City is morally unjust, but, for the most part, Carrie Bradshaw leads the kind of life most of us want for ourselves. We want to be able to move to the city (or country) of our dreams. We want to wear the best clothes and have a closet STOCKED with Manolo Blahniks and Chanel bags. We all want those best friends that genuinely love us, and are forever stuck together, come hell or high water. We all want our dream job, and we want that dream job to bring us success. The story of the struggling writer is told so many times, but Carrie has it worked out. We all, also, want our own, personal Big.
I am a Sex in the City fan. Call it my guilty pleasure. I fell in LOVE with the first movie, watched every single episode back to back until I finished it, saw the second movie, and now I'm working on the books.
Even if you don't love Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, you can atleast love the power and beauty of the dynamic of Carrie's character. She is the perfect example of a beautiful disaster. She knows exactly what she wants, but she makes so many mistakes finding her way there. She never lets anyone see her sweat, but she is so kind and goodhearted, you have to fall in love with her. She is a strong woman. She needs NO man to support her and make her great... She's great on her own.
So, how does Big fit in? When it's real, it fits. No matter what the circumstances, if two people are meant to be together, it will most absolutely happen! There will be chemistry, there will be spark, and there will be an amazing amout of gravity pulling the hopeless lovers together. I believe that with every ounce of my soul.
She embodies the struggle that women face when encountering men. You try to appear confident and put together, but still interested. If you're too confident, they are scared away. If you're too needy, they're scared away. You don't want to start arguments, but you can't let things end the way they did. If you start an argument, they are scared away. If you let everything go, you turn into a pushover, and they lose interest. I like the fact that Carrie overthinks things. I feel like I take a lot of crap for being overanalytical. I know that I could chill out a little bit, but when it comes down to it, I analyze because I care.
I guess, no matter who you are or what kind of behavior you call your own, we all search to find that guy that calls back when you hang up on them. The one that stands outside your door when you slam it shut. The one that can't sleep when you can't. The one that WANTS to make you feel happy and secure. No matter how many minutes or hours it takes. The one that is filled with all the joy in the world when you pour you heart out to him... even if he has nothing to say back. The one that thinks of YOU before he goes to sleep. I believe that's the kind of love that Carrie and Big have... if they were 18 years old, I presume. Hahah. :)
I think that the main belief I've gotten from Carrie Bradshaw is that everything is within my reach. I can land the dream job in the dream city with the dream guy. I can make it all work, and I can do it with style. I just have to stay in a Carrie State of Mind...

Maybe One Day?

Getting married is not on my to-do list. Having children is not either. Finding the man of my dreams and falling madly in love... Moving into a perfect little house... With the white picket fence... And a dog or two lounging in the backyard... Sure, all of these things sound fine and dandy, but not right now.
It was something about graduating. Everyone is starting to settle down, get engaged or have babies. If not that, then they are moving in together or making these huge committments that I am NOT. INTERESTED. IN!  I am certainly not bad-mouthing the folks that have chosen to do so. (I will definitely be balling my eyes out as a hold Jade's bouquet.) I guess I just was worried that maybe these feelings should spring to life in me, and they haven't.
After a great deal of thought and consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, not crazy! Don't get me wrong, I love me some Jamie. But when I think about the things in the near future that I want to do with him, I think of things like go to the movies, maybe go hiking, Oh Man, I'd love to go to the Everglades!! There's just so much that I haven't done and so much I haven't seen!! School is so crazy right now. I want to get atleast one degree under my belt. As for travel, there are so many places that are calling out to me that I have never set foot on. I want to go to the Grand Canyon. California (Napa Valley). Maine. Oregon. New Mexico. The Virgin Islands. Alaska. Rome. Australia. Of course, there is a chance that I won't make it to all these places or the hundreds of other places that I want to go... But there's always a chance that I might!
As for when the wedding day comes, I like to tease my parents and joke about a huge wedding in a grand ballroom, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. I want something intimate. Something special. I've always wanted a wedding on the beach. Maybe Mexico Beach or Land's End. Haha. I mean, I can't make these plans without the groom present, but a small wedding will be enough for me. The wedding of my fantasies is not in my near future, and I could not be more happy about that. I still have so manyt things to get done. To get figured out about myself... Before I try to spiritually bind someone else to my life.
I think the bigger piece of the puzzle is the fact that I am absolutely fired up for God right now... but I do not know enough about my faith and His word to stand firmly enough for myself AND someone else. The marriage that I picture in my heart is one filled with God and God's love. I desire that for myself, and I desire that for my spouse. When the time is right, God will let me know! :)

A Change in the Story...

The title of this blog is 'Chapter 2'. I chose to name it that because I believe it IS the second major time in my life. I went to college. I have to get serious about being a 'grown-up' even though I do not want to in the least.
I thought the story would continue being written in Macon. At Mercer. With Pharmacy. Well, it's not. I've been so excited about going home that I have forgotten to really appreciate all the things that Mercer has taught me. I do not regret being here. I do not wish I would have started at State. Everything happens for a reason. I have always believed in this, but now more than ever! I needed to get away from home to prove to myself that I could and that I am an independent individual. I needed to make friends like Stephanie and Jessi and Pam. I needed to see something other than Douglasville. Surround myself with people from a diverse upbringing. Have a rockin' O-Group/ FYSX class that I watched grow up a lot in one year. I needed to be separated from Jamie and see where our real emotions fell. I needed to go to a difficult school and prove that I could succeed.
I needed to learn about myself. I needed to learn the things I did outside of myself. I needed to break out of a comfort zone that I had created. I needed to figure out what I truly cared about and what I was passionate about. I needed to strengthen my relationship with God. I an incredible amount of growing this year, and I would never change a thing.
Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to get out of here. Hahah. I am ready to work at State. Meet some new folks. Be home. Be with family and friends. I am ready, and I can't wait for next Thursday! But Mercer will always be a special place for me. What I became here is crucial to my development as a human being. I am just so happy to have had the opportunity! :)

'Forever My Heart Will Sing of How Great You Are'

http://youtu.be/r_GNVWAo1pY

I love the world. I love my friends, and I love to goof off and have a good time. I love concerts. I love to shop. I love to learn. I love to go places and see new things. I love Jamie. I love my family. I love the things that the world has to offer. I think we have a beautiful place here, and we need to be a little more grateful. I love all of the things I have, and I am so thankful for all the opportunities that have been given to me.
I can't really explain how great it feels to go on vacation or buy a new dress or ride in the car with all the windows down. Lately, all the small things seem so much bigger and so much more important. I love my life, and I love all the people in it. I embrace every day for everything that it is and maybe some things that it's not. I am probably too optimistic, but it's a choice I've made. It's a conscious decision that I carry through to all the things that I do.
None of that excitement and fulfillment that I've described compares at all to the overwhelming completeness that I feel in God. The way that my heart sings during worship. The wonder that I find in His word. I come out of myself, and my words are not my own. My soul bares itself through my lips. The words of the songs or the verses of the Bible flow through me with such reckless abandon, and I know that He is right next to me. I feel the warmth shoot through every limb of my body.
I've attached a video of a Phil Wickham song, 'Canons'. It gives me joy and so much hope. He completes me, and something has really changed inside of me. I can't look at the trees or feel the sun and wind without thinking of how much He means. How much He loves not only me but everyone around me. I make so many mistakes. Every day. I mess up. I say things that I shouldn't. I do things that I shouldn't. I put myself in bad situations, and I find myself thinking things that I know should not be in my head. But He loves me. The song says, "I'm so unworthy, but still You love me." Geeze, isn't that true?? Hahah. It's just a message that I wish everyone could hear and understand. Everyone needs to know about Christ, so that they can find salvation through Him. But they also need to know about Him in order to feel the protection and majesty that I feel each and every day.

Good Things Happen!

It is impossible to remain happy and optimistic all the time.
But it is worth working toward.
Even when things look bleak, it is so important to keep your head up! Keeping the faith and believing in the positive makes things happen!
Another thing, Good Things Happen to Good People!
I know the more popular cliche is that BAD things happen to good people, but no. Those that put good things into the universe get it back. Threefold!! If you wake up in the morning and expect things to be bad, they most likely will be! If you wake up with intentions of making the best out of situations, your day will pan out so much better! Being sad takes work!

I am such a lucky girl to have people that care about me enough to go out of their way to help me. For those that don't know, I came very close to losing my license. I was not trying to hide it, and I am not now. The thought of having to beg my mom and dad and Jamie to take me everywhere made me feel helpless. I was mortified with embarrassment, and I was upset and so stressed out for a week. Thanks to some very special people, we were able to have my suspension lifted. I can never explain how thankful I am for what they did for me! They gave me freedom. Dramatic, yes, I know. But it's true. :)
Two and a half more weeks of class. Two finals. Cannot wait to go home!

Ready for Summertime!*

It's crazy how things can fall into your lap and try to take your joy away.
Such an inconvenience. Such a crazy mess. I have spent so much energy on this issue that this week has lasted forever! Bad things happen to good people, I know. I just wish that this would have happened at a different time. NOT right before finals. NOT right when springtime has begun. NOT when I need a job and the capability to move around and do what I need to do.
I keep the hope and the faith by remembering that there are so many awesome things going on in my life! Other than this, I am on top of everything for the fall and camp in a month.! The gym is releasing some stress, and school allows me focus on something ELSE for a change. I know that God has something great in store for me! The only problem I have through all of this is avoiding the bitterness! Sometimes it builds up inside of me when I think about it, but I can't let it get the best of me. I have to keep on lovin' and livin' and being happy!

So Close. But Yet So Far Away....

April 1st! I have one month until classes are over. Two finals after that. That is ALL.
A year ago today, I was getting ready to go on spring break, planning GANHS convention, and waiting for prom and graduation. It is amazing how much things have changed since then!
I went to the wrong college. I do not regret it because I think I learned a lot about myself... but I know that Mercer was not my fit. I try to think back on why I chose to go to Mercer. I guess I liked the fact that it was almost Ivy League. I liked that is was small. I liked the thought of having to live there because society glorifies the excitement of college dorm life. But it wasn't for me. I hated having to share a bathroom with 30 girls. I did not make friends with many folks. The work was so much harder than anything I was accustomed to, and I have grown to hate Macon for everything that it is. I guess I wanted to get a degree from somewhere that would sound fancy...? I really don't know where my head was. Maybe I always had a feeling that I didn't belong at Mercer? I should have listened.
If there is one thing that Mercer has taught me it is this: You don't have to question every emotion and belief you have in order to stand behind it.
I feel like in college they try to challenge every single thing you believe in by pumping it with facts and statistics. They bog you down with the sadness and grief-stricken images of people from other countries. They try to make you feel bad or make you question what you stand for. Well, I have decided not to do that. I believe in God not because of facts and statistics but because of the life-changing and overwhelmingly indescribable feeling that overcame me when I accepted Him into my heart. That same feeling overwhelms me constantly whether I am admiring God's handiwork in nature around me or singing His praises. Such a strong emotion cannot be compromised because of facts or statistics. You can't argue with it.
I believe in the power of man. Yes, some are broken and weary and they committ crimes and murder and cause heart ache. Other countries are suffering so terribly, but if we just perpetuate the cycle by concluding that man is bad, nothing will every change. When I see someone in my class tutoring their kid on Wednesday with a fire in their soul and a genuine concern for the child, I know that there is still good in people. When I see students giving up their saturday to paint a stranger's house, I know there is still good in people. When I see people create programs to raise money or relief tools or resources, I know there is still good. Somewhere. In people.
Lately, I have been on an emotional high. In the past nine months, I have gotten so personal with my God, I have really sorted out where I wanted to be in 5 years, and I have made a conscious decision to make the most of whatever God has in store for me. Whether I have it planned or not. I have lost interest for starting petty arguments when I feel like I have lost the upperhand... especially with Jamie... haha. I have chosen to smile when I feel like crying and believe when I feel like giving up.
I am so stoked out of my mind to move back home. I am so stoked to work camp in June. I am stoked to have the summer and then start next fall with a new school and a new job. Everything is panning out, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to say so!

Wow! What A Week!

This picture was taken at my sound check proceeding the biggest gig I have ever had: The Jacksonville Supercross!
To some, it may seem like a small feat, but to me, it was the most exhilarating moment of my entire life, I think! I have had some very exciting moments. I was Valedictorian for my graduating class-- I had the opportunity to say the things that I wanted to say to everyone in my class as well as their family and friends, something not everyone was able to do! I've been to beautiful places. I've seen beautiful things. I have sang solos that mean the world to me in front of people that mean the world to me. I've been through a lot, and I have experienced a lot. But this moment was the craziest, most intense, sublime moment ever! The lights and the noise and the people and the busy-ness of it all. Those two minutes that I was singing were filled with so much emotion that I won't ever be able to express it. I am a very lucky girl!
My best friend, Jade, got engaged to her boyfriend, DJ, while in Disney World! So many folks from high school are getting engaged and having babies, but something about Jade and DJ seems to fit. And maybe some people that plan on getting married in the near future shouldn't, but Jade and DJ are different. Of course, I am biased. I love DJ, but Jade is family. I want her to be happy, and I want her to be taken care of. I know, without a shadow of doubt, that DJ will do everything he can to make sure those things are taken care of. They don't have petty arguments, and they work well together. They have become such a part of each other's families and each other's lives. There's no bull with them. They just work, so what's the point in searching around for anything else. I am so happy for Jade, and I know they she and DJ are capable of making this work.
Hahah. Why is it that I have so much to say about Jade's engagement? Well, since fourth grade, Jade and I have been partners in crime. There have been several years that all I had was Jade. I love her so much, and I just want her to be happy. Always! :)

Mackenzie-

If I could give my sister, Mackenzie, one piece of advice that she would never understand the importance of until she graduated from high school it is this: Pick Your Friends Wisely.
Yes, it is cliche, but I have never understood how very true it is until now. In high school, everyone is so good at being fake. Pretending to 'love' everyone just so you can all hang out around one another and save face. In high school, we're fake so we don't have to waste time arguing. We're fake so we can smile in the pictures and have memories that aren't flooded with animosity and hate. We're fake because that's what we've been taught. To paint on a smile, hand out some southern charm and power through.
Well, one day, you'll wake up and look around and find out that we lost track of who's smile was real. Who really cared about us? Who really wants to hang out... Even though everyone says they do. "Yea, I'll be home next weekend. We should get together." "Let's plan something." "Ohh yea. Next Saturday. I miss you so much." Facebook seems to be the only thing holding us together, but we can't even truly say that it is a stable connection. Facebook is simply a portrayal of what we want others to think that we are. I can't say that it's a sham, but it's a shadow. It's just a blank interpretation of what we desire to call ourselves. It's not genuine.

Dear Mackenzie,
Choose friends that build you up. You know those friends that crack jokes about how you might be smaller than they are or younger than they are or not as 'cool' as they are. Forget them. You are the coolest 12 year old I know. Hah, You're way cooler than a lot of the people I go to college with!
Choose friends that answer their phones when you call. Friends that don't break plans. If they're already doing it now, they will do it forever. I promise.
Choose friends that understand that boyfriends are absolutely less important than your girlfriends are. If you already have friends that are ignoring you or leaving you in the trenches for a guy, BUMP that. It only gets worse.
Choose friends that have are going places. Those friends that cuss and talk about sex and alcohol and drugs (yes, I know you have those and YES I know who they are)... Forget them! You will waste so much time trying to keep them out of trouble, and you will end up in trouble yourself!
I have been blessed with the most amazing friends you could ever imagine, but the real and true ones... they only come once in a lifetime. I had a blast for the past 18 years, and so many different people helped me to have that much fun... There are only a few that will actually stay a part of my life until the end, though.
Finally, I guess I have two pieces of advice. Pick your friends wisely, and don't be fake. Everyone fakes a smile to get by sometimes, but don't pretend you're somebody you're not for anyone else. I can honestly say that I didn't create any new personalities throughout the years of my life, and it certainly made things less stressful.
I watched friends change everything about themselves to accommodate a lifestyle I'm not sure they ever wanted. Man, especially for guys. I watched people that I love change what they liked, what they acted like, who they were and who they were friends with simply so they could make their boyfriend happy. Don't be that girl. You will end up miserable and stuck with no way out. When you tell everyone around you so many lies about who you are, you'll end up forgetting who you were in the first place. You are beautiful. And amazing. You are incredibly independent and hilarious. You are already a magnet for the boys... And I'm not sure how I feel about that... You're already having arguments with your friends that I went through before you. I wish I could give you all the answers, so you could coast through and be crazy happy. The only answer I do have id Just Be You.
Love you,
-M

A New Chapter Begins!

Today, I was accepted to Georgia State. It took so long for all my application stuff to get there, but today, I was officially accepted! I kinda feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A new chapter will be beginning. I also accepted a Winshape Camp job as an 'actress'. It sounds really promising and very exciting. It had been on my heart for a while before I applied, and I finally did about three days before the deadline. I went through the interview process, and I was offered a job with the C3 camps which would last until August. I had to turn it down because my semester will start before the camp is over. I am so very thankful I did, because I was offered a job that fits me a whole lot better, I think. It works with my schedule, and it just feels right. I could not be happier! I think that I have a lot to offer to the girls I will be working with, and I know they have so much waiting for me. I will learn so much about God from the people that I will be surrounded with, and those girls are going to show me the grace of God, I know it!

I just got back from my first college spring break in Panama City. I had a good time, but who wouldn't have a good time at the beach?! I just love it there. And easily could live there! It was a good time, but I am ready to get back to school and get through this semester. Spring Break is great, but summer will be so much better!

Next weekend is the performance at Jacksonville Supercross. I am hoping and praying that I can get over this sickness before next Saturday. It is a really really really big deal, I like to think. Thousands of people are going to hear me and see me. I am thrilled and so nervous and so excited... I can't even stand it. This week is going to be crazy long because it will certainly be everything and the only thing I will be able to think about! :) Very exciting! :)

The Glory of Not Making Plans

Over the past few months, I have used this blog to detail what's going on in my head. It is less for my family to read and more for me to read. After looking back, I see that I have changed. I haven't decided if that's a good or a bad thing yet...? I am just evolving. My scope of life is getting larger. I am feeling more things and doing more things. I have started to really grow up. I guess college is when you're supposed to do that?
I have spent my whole life knowing exactly what I wanted to do, and working my butt off to make sure those things fall into place. I entered college hoping to graduate 7 years later with a Pharm D degree, a husband, a brand new life and all that comes with it. Well, folks, that's not going to happen! Pharmacy could not be less right for me. I will probably have no other opportunity to attain a PH.D. in 7 years in any other program, and a husband is nowhere in sight. I do not want to continue my academic career at Mercer, but I am not "accepted" into any other college at the moment. When I return home, I will have to start over with the job search after quitting two really great jobs in the past two years. I have absolutely NO idea what I want to major in, and I have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my life. But you know what? I absolutely do not care.
I am a motivated and determined individual. This time that I have right now... this limbo. I am in between projects. In between thoughts. In between passions. This time is so refreshing. I am able to take responsibility for any action I take, but these moments of no certain action feel so amazing. Everything does not have to be so serious. I can take any kind of class that I want... If I do not like it, I will just mark it off the very long list of possible career choices and move on. I can make friends with people that may not necessarily be like me. I can date people that I might not necessarily fully understand. People that fill up my mind but do not expect anything out of me. People that I can just be with. People that don't question me or hurt me. I can go out and experience things. Small things. Big things. It doesn't matter.
My head could not be more messed up. Some days, I wake up and I am so filled with overwhelming joy and passion. I want to run and sing and take in the world with one breath. Other days, I feel alone. I feel scared. I feel like I am falling behind my classmates and friends. But the truth is. There is no such thing as falling behind as long as you're happy. We are not put on Earth to keep up with the Joneses. We are put here to get right with God and get right with ourselves.
I have learned to stop thinking about love and just do it. There is too. much. pressure. put on who we date, how long we date them, if they're marriage material. Blah. Blah. Blah. If there is an inkling of a feeling there, we have to act on it. Those small experiences are worth it. They're worth every second. There is too much analyzing involved in dating. Just do it. Have fun and, for God's sake, stop the stupid games.
I have learned to stop thinking about where I wanna be in 5 years and actually live the five years. What good will knowing what I want to do in 5 years do me NOW? None. Being on track doesn't mean planning everything out to the second. It just means being proactive and heading in a direction. Making decisions as they come.
I have learned to stop making plans. Those that love me know that I am no good with plans. It's probably a pet peeve of a lot of folks actually. Well, I think there's a reason. I'm just not supposed to be. I want to start taking time to let the plans make themselves.

Some Day... :)

I am indecisive.
I am quick to jump to conclusions.
I am terrible with making plans, and if plans are made too far in advance, odds are, I will forget about them.
I am a little bit too emotional, and I get my feelings hurt easily.
I think too hard about things, and I overanalyze.
It's hard for me to say no, so I end up too busy, too tired and irritated.
I am not one to start up a conversation, and, oftentimes, this trait comes off as rude or snobby.
I am lame. A nerd, you could say. I enjoy reading the classics and health journals on a daily basis. I love to lay on the couch and watch movies.
I am stubborn.
I am not an easy person to date.

I am also passionate.
I am generous with time and resources. Money is no object when it comes to those that I love.
I love the Lord. He is my shepherd, and He will be my VERY first priority for as long as I have breath.
I am dedicated. To my family. To my friends. To my school. To my work. I am going places. I'm not really sure where exactly, but I am headed somewhere.
I am cheerful, and I always make an attempt to alleviate awkward situations.
I love too fast, but I do love hard. I trust too fast, but I am dependable as well.
I'm a hopeless romantic and a hopeless optimist.
I don't mind making a fool of myself, and I do it often.
I can laugh at myself, and I can accept my mistakes.
I live every day with a purpose.

Some day, it's going to work out. Everybody has someone that they fit with. Someone that complements them perfectly, and someone that loves all the flaws and the shortcomings simply because they love the person that has them. Love doesn't make people change. That's not fair. We can't change who we are, and we can't fix all the problems that we have. The goal is to find someone that loves us despite all that. Someone who's presence in our lives makes us better people. Not different people.

I Follow Jesus. Bottom Line.

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A friend sent me this video, and it struck a chord with me like no other. I have a class in which we all sit around and talk about what we believe, basically. We have talked about Good and Bad. To Forgive or Not to Forgive. Where we're from. Who we are and how that affects who we become. The second semester is more geared towards how we feel about global, national and state problems. How do we view the world around us.
I have questioned my beliefs more than ever this school year. Although it may sound like a bad thing, it has been such a blessing! All of these questions have strengthened what I've always believed. I know more now about the Bible, and I feel His presence within me now more than ever!

Being a college student, I feel like we are exposed to so much more than we ever dreamed beforehand. This is true for me atleast. At home, I am surrounded by people that think like I do. My friends and I have gone to church together and talked about everything under the sun. We agree on important issues as well as unimportant issues. When you go to college, not everyone is like you. Actually, most people are NOT like you. Everyone is from a different walk. Everyone is at a different stage in their faith. Some have no faith at all. Some have never heard of Jesus, or they allow the freedom away from home to toy with their faith and unstabilize it.
It scares me to think that instead of acknowledging and embracing our differences of opinion, we blend. Respecting someone's opinion is completely different than just adapting it for ourselves and sweeping it under the rug as "understanding". We know what's right, and we know what's wrong. We can't stand by and allow others to do wrong just so we don't appear politically incorrect... We have to stand up. To be strong for God. To respect others but to not allow those others to influence the things that we have come to believe.

And the stress just melts away...

Beginning during Christmas break, I had a lot of things on my chest. After considering how much thinking I did and how much was actually necessary, I have concluded that I put those things on my chest by myself.
I have been stressing out about college. I am not sure that Mercer is where I want to be. I'm not sure if it's where I NEED to be. I know school is important, but being near my family and friends is important too. There's no point in sticking around Macon when I am not completely and totally happy. I'm only going to live once. And even though college is a short period of that time, I want it to be a blissfully happy period.
So. Problem solved. Decision made.
When you go to college, you lose friends. We all hear this, but no one really understands until you're actually there. Well, I am here. It sucks. You just fall apart from each other, and it won't ever be the same. Solution: Do what you can when you can! Don't sulk. Sit around. Wait for the phone to ring. DO something about it!
Problem solved. Decision made.
Having a long term relationship is hard. You make things up in your mind and warp something not so dramatic into something huge. It starts to make a dent in the relationship... then it makes an unbelievably big hole. I am learning that just because we don't fit in with the other's friends doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed. You have to keep your head on straight and keep your eyes on the right guy. Be faithful and honest and true no matter what or who influences you.
Problem solved. Decision made.
It's time to start doing. To take control of my life and do what I want to do.That's a solution I can really get on board with!