April 1st! I have one month until classes are over. Two finals after that. That is ALL.
A year ago today, I was getting ready to go on spring break, planning GANHS convention, and waiting for prom and graduation. It is amazing how much things have changed since then!
I went to the wrong college. I do not regret it because I think I learned a lot about myself... but I know that Mercer was not my fit. I try to think back on why I chose to go to Mercer. I guess I liked the fact that it was almost Ivy League. I liked that is was small. I liked the thought of having to live there because society glorifies the excitement of college dorm life. But it wasn't for me. I hated having to share a bathroom with 30 girls. I did not make friends with many folks. The work was so much harder than anything I was accustomed to, and I have grown to hate Macon for everything that it is. I guess I wanted to get a degree from somewhere that would sound fancy...? I really don't know where my head was. Maybe I always had a feeling that I didn't belong at Mercer? I should have listened.
If there is one thing that Mercer has taught me it is this: You don't have to question every emotion and belief you have in order to stand behind it.
I feel like in college they try to challenge every single thing you believe in by pumping it with facts and statistics. They bog you down with the sadness and grief-stricken images of people from other countries. They try to make you feel bad or make you question what you stand for. Well, I have decided not to do that. I believe in God not because of facts and statistics but because of the life-changing and overwhelmingly indescribable feeling that overcame me when I accepted Him into my heart. That same feeling overwhelms me constantly whether I am admiring God's handiwork in nature around me or singing His praises. Such a strong emotion cannot be compromised because of facts or statistics. You can't argue with it.
I believe in the power of man. Yes, some are broken and weary and they committ crimes and murder and cause heart ache. Other countries are suffering so terribly, but if we just perpetuate the cycle by concluding that man is bad, nothing will every change. When I see someone in my class tutoring their kid on Wednesday with a fire in their soul and a genuine concern for the child, I know that there is still good in people. When I see students giving up their saturday to paint a stranger's house, I know there is still good in people. When I see people create programs to raise money or relief tools or resources, I know there is still good. Somewhere. In people.
Lately, I have been on an emotional high. In the past nine months, I have gotten so personal with my God, I have really sorted out where I wanted to be in 5 years, and I have made a conscious decision to make the most of whatever God has in store for me. Whether I have it planned or not. I have lost interest for starting petty arguments when I feel like I have lost the upperhand... especially with Jamie... haha. I have chosen to smile when I feel like crying and believe when I feel like giving up.
I am so stoked out of my mind to move back home. I am so stoked to work camp in June. I am stoked to have the summer and then start next fall with a new school and a new job. Everything is panning out, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to say so!
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