I was talking to an old boyfriend earlier this week, and he said that my actions in the relationship 'scared him away'.
At first, these words hurt my feelings. I can't act like it didn't make me really think... I mean, nobody wants to be 'scary'. Especially in a relationship. Especially only being 20 years old. I am too young to be scary, right?
I wish I could explain why I get so caught up in things. Not just boyfriends but everything. I let things completely entangle me in emotion...
So, anyway, I was sitting here just thinking about how everything turned out. I could feel myself reprimanding my behavior. Thinking that I need to change. Maybe if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then I wouldn't get let down so easily.
But then I thought if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then the amazing things that I have experienced also would not have happened.
The truth is, I want to be scared. I want to be on the edge of my seat. I want to create magic... & magic never happens for the people that sit back and let life happen to them. Magic happens for the people that go out and MAKE life happen.
When I first accepted the Lord, I was scared. When I sang for the first time at Crossroads, I was scared. When I went on first dates. When I leaned in for first kisses. When I stood up in front of producers & auditioned for the biggest thing I've ever done. When I sang in front of 30,000 people in Jacksonville & in New Orleans & in Talladega. When I started leading 15 twelve year old girl on Wednesday. I was scared. And these things are what have fashioned me into what I am today.
Life is scary. It doesn't matter how many people have walked the walk before you. It doesn't matter how many stories you hear. You'll never be prepared for what's coming to you. & that is scary.
I don't know about you, but I want to be scared. Because when you're scared, you learn. When you're scared, sometimes you find incredible reward!
Be scared. But don't let it keep you from living. From loving. From growing & finding who you are in the meantime.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
fairy tales
I woke up this morning at 7 AM. My heavens, the only thing I wanted to do on this rainy morning was sleep until noon, but the real world called.
I layed in bed and thought about what I had going on the rest of this week. Work & gym today. Getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to babysit. 7 AM call time on Sunday for church. "Back to the real world," I thought to myself.
But really. I do not live in the real world. My entire life is a fairy tale!
The past 5 days have been a complete whirlwind!
For those of you who do not know, I auditioned for the television show, The Voice this weekend.
I have signed up to audition for many shows just like this one. American Idol, X Factor, America's Got Talent... But I never show up. Most of the time, I don't even tell people! Haha.
I cannot express how glad I am to have gone to the open call on Saturday. I met so many wonderful people, had so much fun with my family & friends, and I really proved to myself that this road is something I could really do! I could actually do this!
My fairy tale doesn't end with singing. I'm just blessed.
Blessed to be surrounded by the people that I am surrounded by. Blessed to have a family that loves me and that just rolls with the punches. Blessed to have such amazing friends that could honestly care less if I ever hit it big or not. Blessed to have a beautiful car that runs like a million bucks! Blessed to have a job that still allows me to go and do. Blessed to be able to take it easy this semester & focus on just being 20!
I am just so humbled.
I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.
I layed in bed and thought about what I had going on the rest of this week. Work & gym today. Getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to babysit. 7 AM call time on Sunday for church. "Back to the real world," I thought to myself.
But really. I do not live in the real world. My entire life is a fairy tale!
The past 5 days have been a complete whirlwind!
For those of you who do not know, I auditioned for the television show, The Voice this weekend.
I have signed up to audition for many shows just like this one. American Idol, X Factor, America's Got Talent... But I never show up. Most of the time, I don't even tell people! Haha.
I cannot express how glad I am to have gone to the open call on Saturday. I met so many wonderful people, had so much fun with my family & friends, and I really proved to myself that this road is something I could really do! I could actually do this!
My fairy tale doesn't end with singing. I'm just blessed.
Blessed to be surrounded by the people that I am surrounded by. Blessed to have a family that loves me and that just rolls with the punches. Blessed to have such amazing friends that could honestly care less if I ever hit it big or not. Blessed to have a beautiful car that runs like a million bucks! Blessed to have a job that still allows me to go and do. Blessed to be able to take it easy this semester & focus on just being 20!
I am just so humbled.
I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
When the World Kicks You. In the Face.
Sometimes life is going to kick you in the face.
I mean. Like literally scissor kick you right in the face.
You will just be walking along thinking all is well. It will be a sunny, beautiful day in which you think you've got it all together... Then bam. A size 17 Nike sneaker to the face. (Because I like to think the world wears Nike's)
When this happens, we have a few choices.
1. Lay there on the ground wallowing in our own self pity.
2. Create a strategic plan in which we get even with the world.
3. Overevaluate why we were kicked in the first place.
4. Become scared & withdrawn to protect ourselves from being kicked again.
5. Pull ourselves together, dust ourselves off & keep on moving.
I know that I wish that I could say that I always pick option #5. It's the most rational and probably the most healthy. But I know that I cannot say (with a clear conscience) that #5 is the one I regularly choose.
I know everyone has their own ways to cope with the world's kicks. Me. I try to run from them. I avoid the problem until it's so big I physically can't handle it. Is this healthy? Of course not! But I do it. Do you ever notice how the world likes to kick you when you're down? Like when you're already incredibly stressed out and worried and nothing seems to be going your way some day... THAT'S when you find out that your ex is seeing somebody new?
Or when you've already failed a final, lost your wallet & fell down the stairs at school... THAT'S when your car won't seem to crank.
I mean, right now, I am sure you've got your own series of problems that are running through your mind.
Because problems always seem to come in a series. The world kicks you... You try to block the blows... But eventually you just surrender to the punches. I mean, what else could it do, right?
Robert Louis Stevenson said this:
"Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits."
Really think about this. If you succeeded in everything you did, where would you go from there? Have you ever met a person that succeeded in everything they did? I didn't think so. I haven't either.
We're all on the same playing field. We're all failing. Over and over again. I know the world is kicking me in the teeth... But it also kicks Donald Trump in the teeth. & Bill Gates & Natalie Grant & Halle Berry & Katy Perry & my pastor & my best friend & my ex boyfriend. I can look at everyone else's life... and no matter how it may look from the outside... I know that they are failing just like me.
There's peace in that. Life is not about what happens to us. It's about how we react to what's happened to us. I want to choose postivity. I want to choose happiness. I want to choose joy. I want to choose prayer. Oh my, this is not always simple. But it's beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful that someone that chooses to rise from the ashes & make something new and powerful from what was broken.
My very favorite quote is by Robert Frost.
"In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on."
I hope you know that. I hope I can learn that.
The world is going to kick you. Life is going to hurt. But it always goes on.
I mean. Like literally scissor kick you right in the face.
You will just be walking along thinking all is well. It will be a sunny, beautiful day in which you think you've got it all together... Then bam. A size 17 Nike sneaker to the face. (Because I like to think the world wears Nike's)
When this happens, we have a few choices.
1. Lay there on the ground wallowing in our own self pity.
2. Create a strategic plan in which we get even with the world.
3. Overevaluate why we were kicked in the first place.
4. Become scared & withdrawn to protect ourselves from being kicked again.
5. Pull ourselves together, dust ourselves off & keep on moving.
I know that I wish that I could say that I always pick option #5. It's the most rational and probably the most healthy. But I know that I cannot say (with a clear conscience) that #5 is the one I regularly choose.
I know everyone has their own ways to cope with the world's kicks. Me. I try to run from them. I avoid the problem until it's so big I physically can't handle it. Is this healthy? Of course not! But I do it. Do you ever notice how the world likes to kick you when you're down? Like when you're already incredibly stressed out and worried and nothing seems to be going your way some day... THAT'S when you find out that your ex is seeing somebody new?
Or when you've already failed a final, lost your wallet & fell down the stairs at school... THAT'S when your car won't seem to crank.
I mean, right now, I am sure you've got your own series of problems that are running through your mind.
Because problems always seem to come in a series. The world kicks you... You try to block the blows... But eventually you just surrender to the punches. I mean, what else could it do, right?
Robert Louis Stevenson said this:
"Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits."
Really think about this. If you succeeded in everything you did, where would you go from there? Have you ever met a person that succeeded in everything they did? I didn't think so. I haven't either.
We're all on the same playing field. We're all failing. Over and over again. I know the world is kicking me in the teeth... But it also kicks Donald Trump in the teeth. & Bill Gates & Natalie Grant & Halle Berry & Katy Perry & my pastor & my best friend & my ex boyfriend. I can look at everyone else's life... and no matter how it may look from the outside... I know that they are failing just like me.
There's peace in that. Life is not about what happens to us. It's about how we react to what's happened to us. I want to choose postivity. I want to choose happiness. I want to choose joy. I want to choose prayer. Oh my, this is not always simple. But it's beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful that someone that chooses to rise from the ashes & make something new and powerful from what was broken.
My very favorite quote is by Robert Frost.
"In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on."
I hope you know that. I hope I can learn that.
The world is going to kick you. Life is going to hurt. But it always goes on.
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