Anyway.

Yesterday, I was meeting with a beautiful mentor & friend, and we were talking about some upcoming singing opportunities that I had. She mentioned that before performing, it's important to get the backstory, inspiration and true meaning of a song you are going to perform.
On Sunday, I am singing The National Anthem at her church, and after reading the history of the song myself, it does mean more to me. It's fascinating, and if you don't know the history, you should definitely read about it or watch the short documentary on YouTube.
Secondly, I will be singing "Anyway" by Martina McBride at Douglasville Idol on July 4th. I have performed this song so many times, it's ridiculous. I could sing the lyrics in my sleep. I still wanted to get more information on it & uncover deeper meanings. After watching the music video & reading a few articles about Martina's own feelings, I read Mother Teresa's poem that inspired it. I've read it before, but this morning, it hit me so hard. I want to share it with you.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

I mean, wow. "It was never between you and them anyway." Isn't it so hard to really see that? Truly understand it. It's one thing to read the words and think it's a cool concept. It's quite another to really internalize what's being said here.
Forgiveness. Kindness. Success. Honesty. Frankness. Production. Happiness. Goodness.
Those are pillars that everyone wants their life to be built on, though sometimes we get confused about why they are so important.
It was never about you and the person that you needed to forgive. It was never about you and the people you shared kindness with. It was never about those that uplifted you or tore you down when you succeeded. The things that fell apart that you spent so much time creating. The people that were jealous of what you had or didn't have. It was never about them. It was never about it. It's not about saving face. Being accepted. Being rejected. Being popular. Not being popular. Fitting into a social norm or a societal norm. It was never about that.
I think a lot of people hold back from their full potential because they are afraid of what others may believe about them. We start dating, and we get our hearts broken. Or we watch the relatioships around us in our families and friends crumble. We make up our minds that the opposite sex is just crazy... We are so afraid of being broken that we never let our guards down. Yes, more times than not, when you put your heart on the line, it's going to get hurt. Do it anyway.
Some people don't deserve our forgiveness. But it's not about what they deserve. What happened between the two of you may be irreconcilable... You don't want to forgive. Do it anyway.
Yes, the people asking for money on the side of the street may have a house with three bedrooms. The burnout in your political science class may lose the notes that he asked to borrow. The money you donate to a 'good' cause may go to funding a large corporation that doesn't benefit the cause at all. Do it anyway.
You may not be considered 'street smart'. You may get broken. Taken advantage of. You may get to a point where you feel that all of your efforts have gone unnoticed. The person you fell so deeply in love with may never return your sentiments. Those you helped may never thank you. Your idols and those you admire may never pat you on the back and tell you they are proud of you. You may lose friends. You may make enemies. You may never get awarded or congratulated by the people of this world. Do it anyway.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Loves of My Life.

As you probably know, I volunteer at my church with the middle school ministry on Wednesdays, I have a 13 year old sister, and I often kidsit my two younger cousins that are 8 & 10 as well as their cousins that are 12 & 7.
I never "disliked" children, but I lived with constant fear that the "mothering instinct" that women are said to have was not inside of me. That is until I worked Winshape Camp last summer. I fell madly in love with kids. The way their minds work completely enchants me and inspires me to be a better instructor, leader, sister, cousin, friend, etc.
Being a psychology major, I am absolutely enthralled by the adolescent brain. Sure, we look at our middle schoolers and think that the things they say, do, wear, create are so off the wall. So aggravating. So confusing. But all of these things truly stem from the chemicals in their brain. I hear my sister talking to her friends. My girls at church tell me stories. I want to hold their faces in my hands and look into their eyes and tell them the outcome of their stresses because I have been there. Not too long ago either. But that's the magic of adolescence. Each generation does the same things as the generation before, but they have to go through the motions and learn for themselves. It's monotonous, and it seems so crazy. But I also think it's magical. In a totally twisted way.
I love my sister more than anything in the world. As she grows up, I see that she is turning out just like me. Don't get me wrong, we have differences, but relationally, we are the same. She shares my stubbornness. My inability to leave things be. My excitement for love itself. My love of friends. My loyalty. My heart. I see the good things of myself in her, but I am starting to see the mistakes I made repeat themselves in her as well.
I can't make her understand that I actually do know where she's headed, what she's thinking, and how things will probably work out. Same with Addy. Same with Grayson. Same with Landry & Maclaine & my babies at church.
I don't have kids, but how much I selflessly, incredibly and overwhelmingly love my sister and my cousins scares me a little but it's also encouraging. The 'mother' instinct is present in me, and the fierceness of which I know I will love my hypothetical children is not questionable.

Everyone hopes for the 'love of their life'. I always thought that 'the love of my life' was going to be a man. & maybe one of the loves of my life will be sometime in the future. But this summer, watching my sister getting involved at Crossroads, Grayson playing baseball, Addy tumbling and text messaging... These are the loves of my life. It's the kind of love that won't end. It's no secret I love hard, but I would genuinely lay down my life for any of these kids. I would do anything to make them happy. I believe in them. I am in awe of the people they are becoming.
I'm not missing out. I have abundant love. I have the love of my life. Well, loves.

Captivating

I am reading a book called, "Captivating," by John & Stasi Eldredge. The front cover of it says, "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul." So, of course, this enticed me, and I began to unfold the information.

Today while I was reading it, I came across a passage that made me stop what I was doing and pray. Right then and there because questions that I felt like I've had for my whole life were answered. Maybe not answered but definitely addressed.

John had written this passage, and I think that made it even more interesting. I don't claim to know the inner workings of the male mind, and the things that John said could be completely off base, but it struck a chord with me.

"What is this thing in me- and in most men- that just doesn't want to go deep into a woman's world? 'You are too much. Too hard. It's too much work. Men are simpler. Easier.' And isn't that just the message you've lived with all of your life as a woman? 'You're too much, and not enough. You're just not worth the effort.' ('And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.'
Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure. Oh, he may joke about "the difference of men and women," Mars and Venus and all that. But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into his woman's world, he won't have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it. Most marriages (and long term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. 'I'm not coming any closer. This is as far as I'm willing to go. But I won't leave, and that ought to make you happy." And so there is this sort of detente, a cordial agreement to live only so close"

Wow, right?! Ok. Of course being the kind of woman that my person needs is important to me. But this little piece of the book can be applied broadly. Being a woman is such a blessing. We are beautiful. And nurturing and lovely. We are enticing. We are the incarnate of God's own glory and beauty and majesty. We cannot settle. God did not intend for us to settle. In any area of our lives.

I know that I am not the only woman that struggles with feeling like too much and not enough all at the same time. We sometimes feel ashamed of our emotions... trying to hide the tears while we watch that Publix commercial. We 'tone ourselves down' when interviewing for a job or talking with people we don't know in line at the store or going on a first date. It's an interesting paradox. Being too much but not enough. We were too much for him to handle but not enough for him to stay...

Let me tell you something, girl. You are too much. But I refuse to believe that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. & you are more than enough. You will never be insufficient. Yes, we will make mistakes. We will fall down. I mean, like REALLY fall. We will hit rock bottom. Get slung through the mud... In & out of the ringer. But we will NEVER be less than enough. Take pride in being too much. I promise men think that the world would be better if everyone was like them... They are entirely incorrect. They simply don't know what they would do with themselves if we didn't have big, fat, huge, obnoxious emotions. If we didn't cry at the drop of a hat. If you didn't get your feelings hurt when he hangs up before saying he loves you. If we didn't call him 8172948674 times just to say hey.

I have struggled with this. I believe that all of us have at some time or another. I don't know what your circumstances are. And I know that many of your circumstances run circles around mine.
Please read this. And let it sink into your heart.

"Every woman was once a little girl. And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than child's play. They are the secret to the feminine heart.
And yet-how many women do you know who ever find that life? As the years pass by, the heart of a woman gets pushed aside, wounded, buried. She finds no romance except in novels, no adventure except on television, and she doubts very much that she will ever be the beauty in any tale...
Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."