Getting married is not on my to-do list. Having children is not either. Finding the man of my dreams and falling madly in love... Moving into a perfect little house... With the white picket fence... And a dog or two lounging in the backyard... Sure, all of these things sound fine and dandy, but not right now.
It was something about graduating. Everyone is starting to settle down, get engaged or have babies. If not that, then they are moving in together or making these huge committments that I am NOT. INTERESTED. IN! I am certainly not bad-mouthing the folks that have chosen to do so. (I will definitely be balling my eyes out as a hold Jade's bouquet.) I guess I just was worried that maybe these feelings should spring to life in me, and they haven't.
After a great deal of thought and consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, not crazy! Don't get me wrong, I love me some Jamie. But when I think about the things in the near future that I want to do with him, I think of things like go to the movies, maybe go hiking, Oh Man, I'd love to go to the Everglades!! There's just so much that I haven't done and so much I haven't seen!! School is so crazy right now. I want to get atleast one degree under my belt. As for travel, there are so many places that are calling out to me that I have never set foot on. I want to go to the Grand Canyon. California (Napa Valley). Maine. Oregon. New Mexico. The Virgin Islands. Alaska. Rome. Australia. Of course, there is a chance that I won't make it to all these places or the hundreds of other places that I want to go... But there's always a chance that I might!
As for when the wedding day comes, I like to tease my parents and joke about a huge wedding in a grand ballroom, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. I want something intimate. Something special. I've always wanted a wedding on the beach. Maybe Mexico Beach or Land's End. Haha. I mean, I can't make these plans without the groom present, but a small wedding will be enough for me. The wedding of my fantasies is not in my near future, and I could not be more happy about that. I still have so manyt things to get done. To get figured out about myself... Before I try to spiritually bind someone else to my life.
I think the bigger piece of the puzzle is the fact that I am absolutely fired up for God right now... but I do not know enough about my faith and His word to stand firmly enough for myself AND someone else. The marriage that I picture in my heart is one filled with God and God's love. I desire that for myself, and I desire that for my spouse. When the time is right, God will let me know! :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
A Change in the Story...
The title of this blog is 'Chapter 2'. I chose to name it that because I believe it IS the second major time in my life. I went to college. I have to get serious about being a 'grown-up' even though I do not want to in the least.
I thought the story would continue being written in Macon. At Mercer. With Pharmacy. Well, it's not. I've been so excited about going home that I have forgotten to really appreciate all the things that Mercer has taught me. I do not regret being here. I do not wish I would have started at State. Everything happens for a reason. I have always believed in this, but now more than ever! I needed to get away from home to prove to myself that I could and that I am an independent individual. I needed to make friends like Stephanie and Jessi and Pam. I needed to see something other than Douglasville. Surround myself with people from a diverse upbringing. Have a rockin' O-Group/ FYSX class that I watched grow up a lot in one year. I needed to be separated from Jamie and see where our real emotions fell. I needed to go to a difficult school and prove that I could succeed.
I needed to learn about myself. I needed to learn the things I did outside of myself. I needed to break out of a comfort zone that I had created. I needed to figure out what I truly cared about and what I was passionate about. I needed to strengthen my relationship with God. I an incredible amount of growing this year, and I would never change a thing.
Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to get out of here. Hahah. I am ready to work at State. Meet some new folks. Be home. Be with family and friends. I am ready, and I can't wait for next Thursday! But Mercer will always be a special place for me. What I became here is crucial to my development as a human being. I am just so happy to have had the opportunity! :)
I thought the story would continue being written in Macon. At Mercer. With Pharmacy. Well, it's not. I've been so excited about going home that I have forgotten to really appreciate all the things that Mercer has taught me. I do not regret being here. I do not wish I would have started at State. Everything happens for a reason. I have always believed in this, but now more than ever! I needed to get away from home to prove to myself that I could and that I am an independent individual. I needed to make friends like Stephanie and Jessi and Pam. I needed to see something other than Douglasville. Surround myself with people from a diverse upbringing. Have a rockin' O-Group/ FYSX class that I watched grow up a lot in one year. I needed to be separated from Jamie and see where our real emotions fell. I needed to go to a difficult school and prove that I could succeed.
I needed to learn about myself. I needed to learn the things I did outside of myself. I needed to break out of a comfort zone that I had created. I needed to figure out what I truly cared about and what I was passionate about. I needed to strengthen my relationship with God. I an incredible amount of growing this year, and I would never change a thing.
Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to get out of here. Hahah. I am ready to work at State. Meet some new folks. Be home. Be with family and friends. I am ready, and I can't wait for next Thursday! But Mercer will always be a special place for me. What I became here is crucial to my development as a human being. I am just so happy to have had the opportunity! :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
'Forever My Heart Will Sing of How Great You Are'
http://youtu.be/r_GNVWAo1pY
I love the world. I love my friends, and I love to goof off and have a good time. I love concerts. I love to shop. I love to learn. I love to go places and see new things. I love Jamie. I love my family. I love the things that the world has to offer. I think we have a beautiful place here, and we need to be a little more grateful. I love all of the things I have, and I am so thankful for all the opportunities that have been given to me.
I can't really explain how great it feels to go on vacation or buy a new dress or ride in the car with all the windows down. Lately, all the small things seem so much bigger and so much more important. I love my life, and I love all the people in it. I embrace every day for everything that it is and maybe some things that it's not. I am probably too optimistic, but it's a choice I've made. It's a conscious decision that I carry through to all the things that I do.
None of that excitement and fulfillment that I've described compares at all to the overwhelming completeness that I feel in God. The way that my heart sings during worship. The wonder that I find in His word. I come out of myself, and my words are not my own. My soul bares itself through my lips. The words of the songs or the verses of the Bible flow through me with such reckless abandon, and I know that He is right next to me. I feel the warmth shoot through every limb of my body.
I've attached a video of a Phil Wickham song, 'Canons'. It gives me joy and so much hope. He completes me, and something has really changed inside of me. I can't look at the trees or feel the sun and wind without thinking of how much He means. How much He loves not only me but everyone around me. I make so many mistakes. Every day. I mess up. I say things that I shouldn't. I do things that I shouldn't. I put myself in bad situations, and I find myself thinking things that I know should not be in my head. But He loves me. The song says, "I'm so unworthy, but still You love me." Geeze, isn't that true?? Hahah. It's just a message that I wish everyone could hear and understand. Everyone needs to know about Christ, so that they can find salvation through Him. But they also need to know about Him in order to feel the protection and majesty that I feel each and every day.
I love the world. I love my friends, and I love to goof off and have a good time. I love concerts. I love to shop. I love to learn. I love to go places and see new things. I love Jamie. I love my family. I love the things that the world has to offer. I think we have a beautiful place here, and we need to be a little more grateful. I love all of the things I have, and I am so thankful for all the opportunities that have been given to me.
I can't really explain how great it feels to go on vacation or buy a new dress or ride in the car with all the windows down. Lately, all the small things seem so much bigger and so much more important. I love my life, and I love all the people in it. I embrace every day for everything that it is and maybe some things that it's not. I am probably too optimistic, but it's a choice I've made. It's a conscious decision that I carry through to all the things that I do.
None of that excitement and fulfillment that I've described compares at all to the overwhelming completeness that I feel in God. The way that my heart sings during worship. The wonder that I find in His word. I come out of myself, and my words are not my own. My soul bares itself through my lips. The words of the songs or the verses of the Bible flow through me with such reckless abandon, and I know that He is right next to me. I feel the warmth shoot through every limb of my body.
I've attached a video of a Phil Wickham song, 'Canons'. It gives me joy and so much hope. He completes me, and something has really changed inside of me. I can't look at the trees or feel the sun and wind without thinking of how much He means. How much He loves not only me but everyone around me. I make so many mistakes. Every day. I mess up. I say things that I shouldn't. I do things that I shouldn't. I put myself in bad situations, and I find myself thinking things that I know should not be in my head. But He loves me. The song says, "I'm so unworthy, but still You love me." Geeze, isn't that true?? Hahah. It's just a message that I wish everyone could hear and understand. Everyone needs to know about Christ, so that they can find salvation through Him. But they also need to know about Him in order to feel the protection and majesty that I feel each and every day.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Good Things Happen!
It is impossible to remain happy and optimistic all the time.
But it is worth working toward.
Even when things look bleak, it is so important to keep your head up! Keeping the faith and believing in the positive makes things happen!
Another thing, Good Things Happen to Good People!
I know the more popular cliche is that BAD things happen to good people, but no. Those that put good things into the universe get it back. Threefold!! If you wake up in the morning and expect things to be bad, they most likely will be! If you wake up with intentions of making the best out of situations, your day will pan out so much better! Being sad takes work!
I am such a lucky girl to have people that care about me enough to go out of their way to help me. For those that don't know, I came very close to losing my license. I was not trying to hide it, and I am not now. The thought of having to beg my mom and dad and Jamie to take me everywhere made me feel helpless. I was mortified with embarrassment, and I was upset and so stressed out for a week. Thanks to some very special people, we were able to have my suspension lifted. I can never explain how thankful I am for what they did for me! They gave me freedom. Dramatic, yes, I know. But it's true. :)
Two and a half more weeks of class. Two finals. Cannot wait to go home!
But it is worth working toward.
Even when things look bleak, it is so important to keep your head up! Keeping the faith and believing in the positive makes things happen!
Another thing, Good Things Happen to Good People!
I know the more popular cliche is that BAD things happen to good people, but no. Those that put good things into the universe get it back. Threefold!! If you wake up in the morning and expect things to be bad, they most likely will be! If you wake up with intentions of making the best out of situations, your day will pan out so much better! Being sad takes work!
I am such a lucky girl to have people that care about me enough to go out of their way to help me. For those that don't know, I came very close to losing my license. I was not trying to hide it, and I am not now. The thought of having to beg my mom and dad and Jamie to take me everywhere made me feel helpless. I was mortified with embarrassment, and I was upset and so stressed out for a week. Thanks to some very special people, we were able to have my suspension lifted. I can never explain how thankful I am for what they did for me! They gave me freedom. Dramatic, yes, I know. But it's true. :)
Two and a half more weeks of class. Two finals. Cannot wait to go home!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Ready for Summertime!*
It's crazy how things can fall into your lap and try to take your joy away.
Such an inconvenience. Such a crazy mess. I have spent so much energy on this issue that this week has lasted forever! Bad things happen to good people, I know. I just wish that this would have happened at a different time. NOT right before finals. NOT right when springtime has begun. NOT when I need a job and the capability to move around and do what I need to do.
I keep the hope and the faith by remembering that there are so many awesome things going on in my life! Other than this, I am on top of everything for the fall and camp in a month.! The gym is releasing some stress, and school allows me focus on something ELSE for a change. I know that God has something great in store for me! The only problem I have through all of this is avoiding the bitterness! Sometimes it builds up inside of me when I think about it, but I can't let it get the best of me. I have to keep on lovin' and livin' and being happy!
Such an inconvenience. Such a crazy mess. I have spent so much energy on this issue that this week has lasted forever! Bad things happen to good people, I know. I just wish that this would have happened at a different time. NOT right before finals. NOT right when springtime has begun. NOT when I need a job and the capability to move around and do what I need to do.
I keep the hope and the faith by remembering that there are so many awesome things going on in my life! Other than this, I am on top of everything for the fall and camp in a month.! The gym is releasing some stress, and school allows me focus on something ELSE for a change. I know that God has something great in store for me! The only problem I have through all of this is avoiding the bitterness! Sometimes it builds up inside of me when I think about it, but I can't let it get the best of me. I have to keep on lovin' and livin' and being happy!
Friday, April 1, 2011
So Close. But Yet So Far Away....
April 1st! I have one month until classes are over. Two finals after that. That is ALL.
A year ago today, I was getting ready to go on spring break, planning GANHS convention, and waiting for prom and graduation. It is amazing how much things have changed since then!
I went to the wrong college. I do not regret it because I think I learned a lot about myself... but I know that Mercer was not my fit. I try to think back on why I chose to go to Mercer. I guess I liked the fact that it was almost Ivy League. I liked that is was small. I liked the thought of having to live there because society glorifies the excitement of college dorm life. But it wasn't for me. I hated having to share a bathroom with 30 girls. I did not make friends with many folks. The work was so much harder than anything I was accustomed to, and I have grown to hate Macon for everything that it is. I guess I wanted to get a degree from somewhere that would sound fancy...? I really don't know where my head was. Maybe I always had a feeling that I didn't belong at Mercer? I should have listened.
If there is one thing that Mercer has taught me it is this: You don't have to question every emotion and belief you have in order to stand behind it.
I feel like in college they try to challenge every single thing you believe in by pumping it with facts and statistics. They bog you down with the sadness and grief-stricken images of people from other countries. They try to make you feel bad or make you question what you stand for. Well, I have decided not to do that. I believe in God not because of facts and statistics but because of the life-changing and overwhelmingly indescribable feeling that overcame me when I accepted Him into my heart. That same feeling overwhelms me constantly whether I am admiring God's handiwork in nature around me or singing His praises. Such a strong emotion cannot be compromised because of facts or statistics. You can't argue with it.
I believe in the power of man. Yes, some are broken and weary and they committ crimes and murder and cause heart ache. Other countries are suffering so terribly, but if we just perpetuate the cycle by concluding that man is bad, nothing will every change. When I see someone in my class tutoring their kid on Wednesday with a fire in their soul and a genuine concern for the child, I know that there is still good in people. When I see students giving up their saturday to paint a stranger's house, I know there is still good in people. When I see people create programs to raise money or relief tools or resources, I know there is still good. Somewhere. In people.
Lately, I have been on an emotional high. In the past nine months, I have gotten so personal with my God, I have really sorted out where I wanted to be in 5 years, and I have made a conscious decision to make the most of whatever God has in store for me. Whether I have it planned or not. I have lost interest for starting petty arguments when I feel like I have lost the upperhand... especially with Jamie... haha. I have chosen to smile when I feel like crying and believe when I feel like giving up.
I am so stoked out of my mind to move back home. I am so stoked to work camp in June. I am stoked to have the summer and then start next fall with a new school and a new job. Everything is panning out, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to say so!
A year ago today, I was getting ready to go on spring break, planning GANHS convention, and waiting for prom and graduation. It is amazing how much things have changed since then!
I went to the wrong college. I do not regret it because I think I learned a lot about myself... but I know that Mercer was not my fit. I try to think back on why I chose to go to Mercer. I guess I liked the fact that it was almost Ivy League. I liked that is was small. I liked the thought of having to live there because society glorifies the excitement of college dorm life. But it wasn't for me. I hated having to share a bathroom with 30 girls. I did not make friends with many folks. The work was so much harder than anything I was accustomed to, and I have grown to hate Macon for everything that it is. I guess I wanted to get a degree from somewhere that would sound fancy...? I really don't know where my head was. Maybe I always had a feeling that I didn't belong at Mercer? I should have listened.
If there is one thing that Mercer has taught me it is this: You don't have to question every emotion and belief you have in order to stand behind it.
I feel like in college they try to challenge every single thing you believe in by pumping it with facts and statistics. They bog you down with the sadness and grief-stricken images of people from other countries. They try to make you feel bad or make you question what you stand for. Well, I have decided not to do that. I believe in God not because of facts and statistics but because of the life-changing and overwhelmingly indescribable feeling that overcame me when I accepted Him into my heart. That same feeling overwhelms me constantly whether I am admiring God's handiwork in nature around me or singing His praises. Such a strong emotion cannot be compromised because of facts or statistics. You can't argue with it.
I believe in the power of man. Yes, some are broken and weary and they committ crimes and murder and cause heart ache. Other countries are suffering so terribly, but if we just perpetuate the cycle by concluding that man is bad, nothing will every change. When I see someone in my class tutoring their kid on Wednesday with a fire in their soul and a genuine concern for the child, I know that there is still good in people. When I see students giving up their saturday to paint a stranger's house, I know there is still good in people. When I see people create programs to raise money or relief tools or resources, I know there is still good. Somewhere. In people.
Lately, I have been on an emotional high. In the past nine months, I have gotten so personal with my God, I have really sorted out where I wanted to be in 5 years, and I have made a conscious decision to make the most of whatever God has in store for me. Whether I have it planned or not. I have lost interest for starting petty arguments when I feel like I have lost the upperhand... especially with Jamie... haha. I have chosen to smile when I feel like crying and believe when I feel like giving up.
I am so stoked out of my mind to move back home. I am so stoked to work camp in June. I am stoked to have the summer and then start next fall with a new school and a new job. Everything is panning out, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to say so!
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