Goodbye, 2011!

Here we are. Another year has come and gone. Kinda weird, huh? The Christmas trees are coming down, and silver and black hats and lots of glitter are coming out!
At the risk of being a total bummer, New Year's Eve is a sad time for me. I always tend to dwell on all the things that might not have happened the year before. All the things I missed out on. All the things that went unsaid or undone. Of course, there are those that take New Year's with stride and think about all the wonderful things that the new year will bring... But I know that a lot of you out there are just like me.
Maybe 2011 consisted of a loved one's death or a loss of a friendship? Maybe you lost your job or you're simply not where you wanted to be a year ago? Maybe you feel depressed because when the ball drops, you'll be standing there alone? Well, if you weren't depressed before, you are now, right? WRONG! If this year was bad, that means that next year can only bring good things! If you had loss in 2011, you can gain greatly in 2012. If you lost your job or you're just lost along the way to your dreams, 2012 can bring you something that makes you even happier and more fulfilled! If you're alone when the ball drops, who cares!? Maybe 2012 will bring you your lobster?
I think I learned something monumental this year that I've always thought I already knew. Worry does not change things. Worry will not mend a friendship that is just not happening anymore. Worry will not bring you any closer to your diploma. Worry will NOT make him come back, and it won't create the perfect man... Worry is dumb!
I spent a lot of time in 2011 worrying. Where was I headed regarding school? Will I be married early enough to have babies at a reasonable time? What kind of job can I get to afford to travel to all of these places that I dream about? The Lord came in my heart and said, "Hush, Macy! You think too much!" The last two months have been so incredible; I am so lucky! But they've been so wonderful because I stopped thinking so much about what I was doing, and I just did it!
I'm done chasing after people that don't even care one way or another whether or not they are in my life. I'm done trying to change people. I'm done tip-toeing around how I feel about things. I'm done with downplaying dreams because I think they're too far out! I mean, that's crazy!
It is impossible to describe how absolutely wonderful I feel right now! If 2012 consists of 12 months similar to the past 2 months, sign me up! I haven't felt this good in years! So. GOODBYE, 2011. I will not look back. Hey, 2012! I'm ready for it, and I'm ready to rock!

Love at Christmas?

It's Christmastime! A time of joy, love and merriment! It's a time to put all of our problems and worries aside so that we can join together to celebrate the birth of our majestic King! It's a time to set aside our differences and simply be one with eachother.
Now, if this is all true... If Christmas is such a magical time filled with red and green tinsel and wrapped up with an oversized bow, why is it that Christmas can sometimes make people so sad?
I'm going to guess that about 15% of the people that do not care for Christmas are those that are 'single'. Look around. Christmas has turned into a season tailor-made for couples. Haha. After this season, I have a new perspective on being alone at Christmas. It's not quite as bad as one would expect.
This is my first Christmas 'alone' in 7 years. At first I thought, "Oh, I can save some money on gifts..." or "I won't have to worry about whether or not our family events conflict with eachother." But my goodness, everytime I turn around there's a mistletoe sprig or holiday movie that screams, "Hey, Mace. You're alone!!"
Let's take a look at the things that Christmas brings about for us to do. These are all things I've tried or thought about trying. You tell me if they involve one person or two...
1. Baking Christmas cookies.
You know, it's sweet to bake the little cookies. Show off your expertise to your honey. Watch him eat most of them while you just smile giddily as he compliments your talents... Nah. Tried that. It's really not fun to bake cookies alone. Most of the time, I just ended up eating ALL the cookies by myself (depressing) or shoving them down my 13 year old sister's throat... Sweet? No.
2. Watching those sappy Lifetime movies.
It's tradition that we sit down with some lovely fella that insists that he 'doesn't mind' watching Lifetime with us. Let's be real, he does not want to watch an estranged pair of star-crossed lovers find eachother after 20 years apart or whatever, but he does it anyway. When the couple finally meets in some totally cliche coffee shop or are reconnected at the first place they ever met... The tears start flowing. The boy next to you grabs you and hugs you and the whole thing is just so 90's sitcom! But man does it beat sitting alone in your bed and crying your EYES out. Not only because there's no one to dry those tears caused by 'A Boyfriend for Christmas'... But also because you know that the chances that you will find the romance that Sally Sue and Bob have on this movie are about the same as the chances that your blood type will change.
3. Maybe playing a board game?
I love Addy and Grayson, but there's only so many times you can play Christmas-opoly and Trouble.
4. Ride around and see Christmas lights!
You cannot concentrate on driving AND looking at the lights when you're in the car alone... I've tried. Plus, it's easy to get lost.
5. Having someone on your arm at your family's Christmas party.
Thankfully, I haven't experienced this yet!

Ok... So you get the picture. Christmas is a time to cuddle up to whoever the flavor of the week is or whoever you are deeply committed to. Yes, whenever I am on my seventeen chocolate chip cookie or when I am watching some sappy movie, I wish I had some man there to love on me. BUT this year I have found a new appreciation for the other people in my life. I have gotten to actually do a good bit of shopping, we've bought lots of gifts for 'angels' from the tree at Crossroads, and we're making efforts to help a family have the kind of Christmas that we've always been blessed with at my house. I have been able to spend quality time with my mom and dad and Moni and the kids and Nathan. I've spent a lot of time just talking to my best friend, Jadey.. Kinda like when we were nine years old. Just because I don't have somebody to kiss under the mistletoe doesn't mean that I'm alone. I am blessed beyond measure with the incredible people that the Lord has placed in my life.
I believe that the Lord has my cookie-eating-Lifetime-movie-watching-game-playing-Christmas-loving-LORD-loving man somewhere out there! Haha. I cannot get over how much this year has just taken all that I am and jumbled it up. Broke it. Smashed it. Tore it apart. And then God came in and pieced me back together. It's like He breathed new life into me and set me up for something absolutely amazing!
I'm not sure I could have followed Him and seen Him like I have if I wasn't alone... So that's pretty cool.
Jesus is so cool. If God keeps molding me like this... My future honey better watch out! 'Cause I've got a lot to offer! :)

Fasting... Boyfriends

My last blogpost spoke of the beauty of finding the right man. Well, I do believe that there are men out there for every one of the women who expect the best for themselves.
It's funny because the new journey I am about to embark on seems to contradict a lot of what I wrote just two days ago, but I will try to communicate my feelings in the most understandable way possible!
I have always been the girl with a boyfriend. I have not gone more than two months 'single' since I was 12 years old. That's almost 8 years. I was never a serial dater; I've had three 'boyfriends' in my lifetime, but I have just become settled into the lifestyle of a habitual girlfriend.
Recently, I have broken up with my boyfriend of four years. It has caused an incredible amount of sadness and confusion and just pain, but it has forced me to reevaluate and move forward. It is scary to start over especially after so long. All of the girls that I grew up with are married, nearly married or in committed relationships that will end in marriage. The white picket fence is in their reach, and I have started over at the starting line.
God has led me to several verses to comfort me in the time:
-"Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them." Daniel 10:12
-"Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22
-"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." Proverbs 16:3

After talking with God, I have decided to begin a boyfriend fast. For one year, I will fight the instinct to be a girlfriend, and I will focus on finding ME and falling deeper in love with Christ. I guess I choose to blog about this personal thing because I want something and someone to hold me accountable. I want to really make this real, and I want to allow God to use me in ways that I wouldn't be able to be used if I had a boyfriend.
What if I find the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with in the next year? Well, if I find that man, he will wait for me. If he is truly the man that I am destined to be with. The man that God has made for me, then he will support me and love me more for being obedient to God's call.
I am ready, Lord. Use me.

Dream On, Ladies!

When we are young, we grow up with ideas of fairy tales dancing around in our heads.
We see Cinderella come from nothing, find a fairy that makes her beautiful, ride off to the ball in a silver pumpkin, make that prince fall in love with her and live happily ever after!
Sleeping Beauty gets to sleep for days and days and wakes up to this beautiful man kissing her and wanting to get married as soon as she changes out of her pajamas.
Jasmine, Snow White, Ariel... There are so many stories about these women that have extraordinary men that move mountains, kill dragons, visit every home in the village only to find THEM and so much more! These stories make us believe in love, and they make us want something more and something amazing with men in our own stories.
Now, as we grow up and have our hearts broken, we break away from these visions in our head. We start to believe that these stories are only stories, and we begin to settle.
In all reality, most men are not going to lay their lives on the line just to see us smile. Most princes are not going to turn away hundreds of women throwing their bodies at him in order to find a quiet, blonde he danced with for seven minutes. Most men are going to ignore our phone calls at times, choose their friends over us at times, refuse to watch Friends with us at times, and make us miserable at times.
Men have an incredible advantage. They know that we do not expect a fairy tale prince. They know that we are careful not to nag about things that drive us crazy or fight for things that make us upset in fear of pushing them away. For these reasons, a substantial amount of them (not all) choose to not even try to be the prince. They settle because we do.
There are princes in the world, ladies. The ones that fight for us. Not literally throw punches, but they fight for our heart. They hang on. Whether that means for days or weeks or months or four years. They continue to believe in you despite terrible decisions that you make. They go months not speaking to you, but they welcome you back with open arms no matter where it is in your life that you are or what the circumstances of your coming back is. They smile at you even though it breaks them inside to know what you've done to them. They text you back. They answer your calls. They sit on the phone listening to you whine about all the things they once warned you would happen. Some men out there are waiting to make your fairy tale come true, but you never give them the chance.
Don't listen to society and think that they are too good to be true. Just believe in them. And love them.

Woman.

"Well-behaved women rarely make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain." - Jennifer Anniston
"Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future." - Audrey Hepburn

"When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than Butterflies..." - Sarah Jessica Parker

“Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world.” - Marilyn Monroe

 

All of these quotes are ones that hold certain significance for me for certain reasons. Let me get one thing straight... I am no extreme feminist. Boys, you can open my doors and buy my dinner anytime!! :) But the magic of women... It's incredible.

Centuries of research and experience depict men as the bread winners. They work so hard. They get up early and they come home late. They are the bug-killers. The picture hangers. The car fixers. Atleast they always have been in my life. But what about the women that are all of those things for their families? The women that get up early and stay out late doing a job to provide for their families without a man. Or maybe they are just helping their man to create a better life for themselves. The women that stay at home with children. To make sure that they are eating what they need. Staying safe. They have a 24-hour job making sure that their child is growing up in the way that they need to have a firm foundation. Making sure their sweet babies are becoming God-loving, kind, productive citizens.

If you walk into the universities across the country, you will see strong, beautiful, intelligent women that are striving to make something of themselves. The ones that are becoming doctors. Lawyers. Engineers. Teachers. Psychologists. These women are making changes. These women rule the world, people. The compassion that they hold. The beauty. The intelligence.
I saw the movie, Courageous, this weekend. It was earth-shattering for me! It was such a wonderful film. It really hit on the importance of a father figure in the lives of their children. That father figure must stand up to show their kids the Word and way that they should grow in the faith! I can't help but think of the importance that women have in raising their children as well. Not only their children but the little girls at church. Or where they work. Or their peers. We, as women, have a duty to be a walking and living example of a godly woman. It is the most important task that we have.

Being that example does not mean being passive. We have to follow our passions, live out our desires and stand out from the crowd. We have to live a life that not just says 'Jesus' but SCREAMS it with bright, flashing radiance.

I have to let my lifesong sing. Not just a quiet instrumental. I have to sing the melody with every ounce of enthusiasm I hold in my body.

Women have a unique opportunity to do so, and we can't do that lightly.

Judging & Gossip.

I had quite a little realization today while sitting in traffic on the way home from school.
Georgia State has a far more diverse group of students than that which could be found at Mercer.
Just today, I witnessed the fake smokers... yes, you know what I'm referring to, a young lady with bright indigo and purple hair cut into a bob, a dashing chap with missing front three teeth (yes, a student)... and many more. Let me explain if maybe you don't know what type of person could be spotted crossing the quad at Mercer University. At Mercer, there were polos, khakis, dresses, sweatpants, 'norts' (I think) and Northface apparel. That's all!
Anyway, In a round about way, I am trying to get to my point, here. In my personal walk with Christ, I do face my worst sin. Everyone has one, and mine is gossip. I love to do it. I know how wrong it is, but I do it without noticing it's happening. It's a bad situation.
Okay, okay. The point. You remember I was talking about having a 'come-to-Jesus' in my car today. I was thinking about all the outrageous things I saw at school. Thought about all the things that I would have laughed with my mom or Jade about if they had been with me at the time. Then all the stories of the funny people I met seemed kind of stupid and extremely trivial. It hit me. I don't care about gossiping. I care about spending quality moments with the people I love where we laugh and talk and do fun things such as that! :) Then something else hit me. No, not a car or anything terrible like that, but while I am sitting and judging other people, I could be being a light of Christ for them. Geeze, that's humbling.
Walking through Woodruff Park or simply walking two feet on Gilmer Street really does mean something completely different! :) Jesus is really cool!

No Excuses.

This morning at church, our pastor talked about excuses. We all have them. We all give them. We all rely on them. I am the queen of excuses. "I'll volunteer once I figure out what my school schedule will be like." "I'm gonna skip the gym because it's already so late, there will be so many people there." "I'll clean out my closet tomorrow. In the morning." "I'll mend that relationship another time. They'll think I'm an idiot." "I don't have time." "I don't have the ability." "I don't know enough."
So. After seeing how my day to day life is so full of excuses, I looked back at my resolutions that I made on January 1st of this year.
1. Finalize a demo and take headshots. -Demo done. But I hated it. Photos not done.
2. Run a 5k. -Not done.
3. Write an album. -Half way there.
4. Donate $250 to a charity. -Not done.
5. Tithe. -Not as much as I should.
6. Read 30 Books. -6 left!
7. Go to a Concert. -I've already been to 2. One more in September.
8. Take a GIRL vacation. -Did that with Mom. :)
If I look back on my year, I like to think I've accomplished a lot. But there is so much left to be done.
I'm working my way through the Bible. I'm almost finished with 1 Samuel. I'm about to start going to school on the 22nd. I've started volunteering with North Douglas in a Kindergarten class. I'm about to start taking some Cake Decorating Classes! Haha.
I guess a good question is why am I doing all this stuff? Why spend so much time being BUSY!?
I want to learn more. I want to have skills that I can pass on. Knowledge that I can pass on. I want to be a great role model for my sister and cousins and anyone else I might touch along the way! I just feel deep down inside that I'm headed somewhere. Changes are going to be made, and I am going to accomplish something that means something. Something to me. Something to my family. Something to the world. Something in the Kingdom of God!