What I Know Now...

I recently read a book called “What I Know Now, Letters to My Younger Self.” It is a collection of thoughts written by powerful women in our society to themselves years before. In this book, I found letters written by Madeleine Albright, Macy Gray, Trisha Yearwood, Maya Angelou, Nora Roberts, Queen Noor, Vanna White, and many other powerful, well-known women.

The amount of beauty and wisdom written in the pages have been nothing short of inspiring. So inspiring that I have been moved to write a letter of my own. Although I do not have the life experience that many of these women have, I do look back on my years and see a pivotal time that I wish I knew then what I know now.

When I was 18, I thought I had a plan. I was holding my heart together by myself, and I was failing to let a God so much bigger than me guide my life. I was in a relationship that was holding my spirit captive, unable to truly live the life my God created me for. I was a prisoner to irrational expectations for my future that only I reinforced. This is my letter to me… Nearly four years ago.

Macy,

You’ve just graduated from high school. Valedictorian of your class. Senior class president. State board member of the National Honor Society. You’ve starred in the musicals in your high school, and you just accepted a nice scholarship to Mercer University in Macon. You want to be a pharmacist, and even though you try to convince yourself that it is because you love to help people, we both know it is because that is the future you believe that a girl with your track record needs to have. Because of your academic success and lucrative upbringing, you believe that everyone expects you to enter into a big, high-paying job that seems complicated and important.

Well, stop. Nobody thinks that. If you would really listen to your heart for more than the few minutes you’ve allowed yourself, you could have saved your parents some hard-earned dollars as well as yourself some drama and wasted time.

Let me tell you this though, Mercer has given you a few things. It gave you Stephanie. She will become one of the most incredible people that you have in your life. She will be a powerful force that you secretly wish you could be like. The more assertive ying to your passive yang.

Mercer gave you your independence. Don’t get me wrong, you are still learning to say “no” and to pick your battles, but it gave you the distance you needed to let go of the reigns that you held so tightly to. In those moments that you knew no one, God spoke to you, and you know that. You felt His presence, and when you return back home, you will find His love breaking every chain you once held. You will even experience baptism with your sister! It’s awesome, and I can’t wait for you to see it.

Mercer also gave you the push you needed to let go of a painful relationship. It gave you the will power to take control of your life and truly realize that you deserve greatness. It takes hitting rock bottom, but you find love. You find the most incredible love that rocks you to your core. As I write you this letter, your love is in the next room playing video games with Grayson. Just hearing his voice will make every heartbreak worth it. As I sit here and write, I can hear his laugh, and tears spring to my eyes. You have no idea what is coming to you… & it is beautiful, girl. It moves you. It changes you. He loves you in the most perfect way. More than you expected. More than you deserve. And my goodness, he's good looking. Piercingly good looking. Makes you weak in the knees good looking. Oh, and that day that you're shopping at Forever 21, and you debate over whether or not to buy that white, lace shirt... Go back & buy it. He likes it & he remembers it even nine months later. 

So my advice to you is to just hold on. Even as you sit in the hallway of your dorm building and sob to your mom about how you want to come home, just keep holding on. You are so unsure if it’s the right decision for you. IT IS!

Come home, Macy. Life is good here.

I rarely ask you to respond to these blogs. But today, I do.

I ask that you reflect on a time in your life that you would write a letter to yourself. If you feel so inclined, send it to me. I would love to redistribute the wisdom so that everyone can see it. Pass this on, and write your own letters.

I love you all. & I pray that you realize the power you hold.