Good Girls & Good Intentions

First, you must know that this post was inspired by a book called "Graceful" by Emily P. Freeman.
This book has literally been sitting on my desk, staring at me, for at least 6 months now.
I actually picked it up tonight as a means to distract myself from the crazy homework load ahead of me this week. How guilty can you feel about not writing a paper about domestic violence when you're reading a book about Jesus? I know, I know... That's a sad way to use my spirituality.
Anyway, this book hit me. It answered so many questions that I had regarding where I was going. Where I am supposed to go from here? Where does GOD want me to go from here? Before I started "Graceful" I prayed about God answering me in a way that my small, tiny mind would understand. That the answer would resonate within me. & He answered me. Hugely.

I'm a "good girl." Always have been. Will always be.
The author of this book is so me, I can't even explain it without taking words right from her.
She described her "good-girl-ness" as follows:

"I have exactly one piercing in each ear. And only my ears. I don't have any tattoos. Needles.
I didn't sneak into rated-R movies, I didn't skip class except on senior skip day, and even though I did cheat on a few tests in biology, I felt super guilty about it. I didn't drink in high school because it was illegal and because I watched people throw up when they drank too much. But I liked having friends too much to skip the parties altogether, so I was the designated driver for my girlfriends. That got real old really fast."

She goes on to talk about her experiences in middle & high school. Yes, me. To the letter. But, so what? There's another girl out there that's kind of like me? Why should you care about this?
Because I think a lot of us are hiding behind this "good girl" (or "good boy") facade that she explained. Being a Christian, we know the stories about boundless, beautiful grace that God gives to those that come out of the pit. Past drug addicts. Abusive people. Those struggling with all kinds of disorders and illnesses and backgrounds. We know that God embraces those people. When we tell others about Jesus, we tell them that He died for "the least of these." We know the scriptures that detail how Jesus reaches out to the sick. "Healthy people don't need a hospital; sick people do."
So what about those of us that are somewhere in the middle? Those of us that grew up in a Christian home. We learned the Bible stories. We know God's grace through Jesus Christ. We pray (maybe not as often as we should). Of course, we sin, but we haven't committed any "big" sins. (As if they're all different?) We know what the Christian life is supposed to look like, so we stress about measuring up to it. We know that God is actively searching to love and heal the weak. The wicked. The jaded. Those that are so far from Him. We actually start to believe that if He is looking so hard for those people, then He might miss us? We feel a little closer to the source of His mercy. We know enough to want more, but we keep our distance. That distance isn't quite as far as someone else's distance, so will God look over us to find them?
We try to "be good" so God will notice us. We want God to see us acting like "good Christian folk" and we miss the point. We treat God like He is a distant, blurry shadow watching us from afar. He is an active participant in our lives. He is so close. We are not acting FOR God. We should be interacting WITH God.
Think about original sin for a second. Eve did not cheat on Adam. She wasn't doing drugs in the bushes. They weren't in an abusive relationship. Sin entered the world because Eve believed a lie about a piece of FRUIT. Fruit. It wasn't even chocolate covered. There was no caramel sauce involved here. It was healthy. It was good. It was the perfect "good-girl-temptation."

Many people hide behind their insecurities. But a lot of us are hiding behind our securities. I'm guilty of this. When my faith gets tied up and my heart is bruised, I go back to what I know. I hide behind my intelligence. I hide behind music. I hide behind the faith of my family. I hide behind the things that I feel that I'm good at. I feel confident in those things, so I stay there. I don't venture out.
I hide behind the rules because I feel that I am closer to God by checking them off one by one.
I hide behind my good reputation, and I struggle to follow an unpredictable God in fear that people won't understand why.
I hide behind positive emotions and a plastic smile because I fear that people will see that I am a neurotic mess.
But I'm not alone. We all do this.
We're hiding. But the best part of hiding is being found.
God is seeking me. My heart. You. Your heart.
We can only hide for so long.

Us hiders spend a lot of time asking questions. We think just because we spend so much time hiding that God is hiding the answers from us. But really... The answers are all there. Right in front of us. We're inadvertently hiding from the life that God has meant for us to live.
Maybe you're worrying about what kind of job you'll end up with. Maybe you hate your current job. Maybe you're praying about a relationship. An almost-relationship. Maybe you don't know what school you're supposed to go to. You're unsure of your next steps. But you're way too good to let them see you sweat... You keep up the facade. Then when the fear, anxiety and uncertainty sets in, you lift your head to the sky and ask, "What am I supposed to do?"
You're asking the wrong questions. You should ask yourself, "What am I going to believe?"

If you believe in God, then you can find confidence in His perfect plan. His perfect grace. It seems too good to be true, I know. I get caught up in the grace effect daily. But living the Christian life is not at all about the things that you do. The rituals. The rules. It's about who you are. It's about reflecting Jesus, and letting Him completely wreck you. Letting Him define you.
We have to stop hiding behind the "good" stuff so that we can experience the GREAT stuff. Sure, comfortable is good. But there is nothing comfortable about living out loud for Jesus.
We can continue striving for "good" all on our own... Or we can reach for His greatness. His righteousness. & He'll reach back.
Every time.