Doubt

I use the phrase, "There's not a doubt in my mind," a lot.
Maybe because it's the most serious way I know how to get my point across?
Maybe it's just my passion overflowing into my speech?
I don't know. I just know that I probably say that to someone at least once a day.
There was no doubt in my mind that all of us in middle school would still be friends to this day. I mean like the group that we went to 8th grade dance with... You guys know who I mean. Haha.
There was no doubt in my mind that Douglasville would be the place in which I raised my own family.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would cheer all through high school.
There was no doubt in my mind that my grandmother would watch me graduate.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would graduate & move to Tuscaloosa.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't make it through the application process for Winshape.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would be strong enough to follow through with my boyfriend fast.
But then, oddly enough...
There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to marry Ryan.
You see, I am passionate. But not quite accurate. Haha.
I am not complaining. God has placed me exactly where I need to be to do His work. I am merely examining how life throws curveballs. We can never keep up with them.
I have been struggling with that more than I am proud to admit.
Should we be ashamed when the things that we hold so tightly to fall apart? I mean, we let those things get the better of us. We let those things break us down. We let those things scare us and sometimes even change us.
In those moments, I believed.
Those fleeting moments made their way into my life. & I clung to them. Is that wrong? That I didn't evaluate... I just felt. I didn't examine... I just went. With the innocence of a child, I believed. & it mattered.
It's not wrong. Did your friendship fall apart? Did you not make it to the school you wanted to make it to? Did you flunk out? Did you let your family down? Did you let your friends down? Did your marriage fall apart? Or your engagement? Or your relationship? Well, my heart goes out to you. Something you believed in is no longer there. & I know you hurt.
But hurt is not bad. Hurt is not wrong.
You're growing.
Whether you like it or not. You are becoming something amazing!
So don't doubt.
If you'd known that it wasn't going to work out, would you change anything?
Would you forsake the moments?
If you'd known that the one thing you thought you could trust would be the one thing that you trust the least, would you take it back?
I didn't think so.