I was aware that college would be hard, but I didn't think it was going to take my whole life by storm and change everything that I thought was going to happen. I came to Mercer uneasily. I was excited, but wayyy more nervous about it. After careful consideration, I have decided that it's just... OK. It is a great school, and the professors are amazing, but I'm just not sure if it's the place for me. Lately, we've had to make new schedules for next semester which forces me to think about the future past next semester. I came here thinking that I would go into Pharmacy, but after Chemistry, I become less and less sure everyday. I continue to tell myself that, "You just have to hold on for three and a half more years, and you'll be fine." I shouldn't and WONT live my life like that. I am miserable during the week, and live for the weekends when I get to go home. I have a job in which I only work about 6 hours a week so that I can go home on the weekends.
I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. Being 'successful' in school, becoming Valedictorian, being accepted into a private school... these things have built up the expectations of everyone around me. Sure, I can go through with these seven years of pharmacy school, but I may just become miserable in the process.
I WANT to be close to my family. I WANT to be there for Mackenzie's school functions and birthday dinners. I WANT to be able to have a job that I work hard at weeks AND weekends, so I can pull my weight. I'm 18 years old. I should be contributing something. Those things are more important to me than dragging myself through four- eight years of school so that I can get a stamp of approval from an expensive private school and call myself successful.
Somedays I wake up and I realize that at Mercer, I don't live. I merely exist.
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