Here and Now.

I have not done very well with keeping this blog up to date, BUT I have been so busy that I haven't been able to see straight! I have NEVER had this much homework in my life, but they say that Pre-Health will teach you to prioritize, study and work like never before. I guess I understand... I want to be a QUALIFIED pharmacist because I would want my own pharmacist to be! I run from class to class back to the dorm to do homework. I have to force myself to eat and sleep, and I haven't seen the inside of that gym in a week and a half.
We have ventured out into Mac-Town a little bit though. We went to the mall and to the movies. The north part of Macon is really nice! My roommate and my hallmates are all so sweet, and the dorm life is not quite as bad as I thought it would be, but I would MUCH rather have an apartment. Somewhere to take a shower without shoes on. Somewhere that I could go to sleep on a bed that my feet did not hang off of. Somewhere that I could have visitors that weren't watched like a hawk. Maybe one day I'll be able to get one.... I do have a job interview on Friday with the Law School here in Macon. It would be awesome to get a job like that. It would also help me to raise some funds. Maybe contribute to the apartment a little bit more than I can now and persuade my parents to invest in it! Who knows? I'm so nervous!
Being here for three weeks now, I have been able to really think about myself and the road that I have chosen and the parts of the road that I don't even see yet. Today in class, we were talking about passion and what drives us to accomplish things. Somewhere the discussion changed to the future and whether or not we want to know what happens before it actually does. Whether or not we're scared of the future or awaiting its arrival with excited anticipation. As for me, I would NOT want to know what the future holds for me. I just intend to live every single day like it's my last. I know that I worry too much. I know that I overanalyze, and I am trying to work on those things. I guess my goal here in college is to work hard and put in the effort so that I can find a good, stable job that I care about, but at the same time, I am going to let the future STAY in the future. Who knows what kinds of turns my relationships will take? And who knows what my major will be when I decide in January. Who even knows what I'll choose to wear tomorrow morning or eat for breakfast. I have spent TOO much time during these three weeks worrying about whether or not I am going to make it to Pharm school in three years. Or if I am going to pass my PCAT. I've worried about how long my friends from Douglasville will remain as close as they have been for all of these years. I've worried about whether or not the distance will break apart the relationship that Jamie and I have worked so freaking hard on. And the realization that I came to today. In my FYSX class was that I have no control over the outcome. Of any of these things. Fate is fate. If I try to avoid an outcome that is meant to be, it will still be. If I try too hard and work myself crazy, I will only be unhappy. Successful MAYBE but unhappy. If I stress about my friendships, I will soon resent them. If I overanalyze and worry about my relationship, I will only push him away.
I am living. Here and Now. I am finding my way. One step at a time. Day by day.