What I Know Now...

I recently read a book called “What I Know Now, Letters to My Younger Self.” It is a collection of thoughts written by powerful women in our society to themselves years before. In this book, I found letters written by Madeleine Albright, Macy Gray, Trisha Yearwood, Maya Angelou, Nora Roberts, Queen Noor, Vanna White, and many other powerful, well-known women.

The amount of beauty and wisdom written in the pages have been nothing short of inspiring. So inspiring that I have been moved to write a letter of my own. Although I do not have the life experience that many of these women have, I do look back on my years and see a pivotal time that I wish I knew then what I know now.

When I was 18, I thought I had a plan. I was holding my heart together by myself, and I was failing to let a God so much bigger than me guide my life. I was in a relationship that was holding my spirit captive, unable to truly live the life my God created me for. I was a prisoner to irrational expectations for my future that only I reinforced. This is my letter to me… Nearly four years ago.

Macy,

You’ve just graduated from high school. Valedictorian of your class. Senior class president. State board member of the National Honor Society. You’ve starred in the musicals in your high school, and you just accepted a nice scholarship to Mercer University in Macon. You want to be a pharmacist, and even though you try to convince yourself that it is because you love to help people, we both know it is because that is the future you believe that a girl with your track record needs to have. Because of your academic success and lucrative upbringing, you believe that everyone expects you to enter into a big, high-paying job that seems complicated and important.

Well, stop. Nobody thinks that. If you would really listen to your heart for more than the few minutes you’ve allowed yourself, you could have saved your parents some hard-earned dollars as well as yourself some drama and wasted time.

Let me tell you this though, Mercer has given you a few things. It gave you Stephanie. She will become one of the most incredible people that you have in your life. She will be a powerful force that you secretly wish you could be like. The more assertive ying to your passive yang.

Mercer gave you your independence. Don’t get me wrong, you are still learning to say “no” and to pick your battles, but it gave you the distance you needed to let go of the reigns that you held so tightly to. In those moments that you knew no one, God spoke to you, and you know that. You felt His presence, and when you return back home, you will find His love breaking every chain you once held. You will even experience baptism with your sister! It’s awesome, and I can’t wait for you to see it.

Mercer also gave you the push you needed to let go of a painful relationship. It gave you the will power to take control of your life and truly realize that you deserve greatness. It takes hitting rock bottom, but you find love. You find the most incredible love that rocks you to your core. As I write you this letter, your love is in the next room playing video games with Grayson. Just hearing his voice will make every heartbreak worth it. As I sit here and write, I can hear his laugh, and tears spring to my eyes. You have no idea what is coming to you… & it is beautiful, girl. It moves you. It changes you. He loves you in the most perfect way. More than you expected. More than you deserve. And my goodness, he's good looking. Piercingly good looking. Makes you weak in the knees good looking. Oh, and that day that you're shopping at Forever 21, and you debate over whether or not to buy that white, lace shirt... Go back & buy it. He likes it & he remembers it even nine months later. 

So my advice to you is to just hold on. Even as you sit in the hallway of your dorm building and sob to your mom about how you want to come home, just keep holding on. You are so unsure if it’s the right decision for you. IT IS!

Come home, Macy. Life is good here.

I rarely ask you to respond to these blogs. But today, I do.

I ask that you reflect on a time in your life that you would write a letter to yourself. If you feel so inclined, send it to me. I would love to redistribute the wisdom so that everyone can see it. Pass this on, and write your own letters.

I love you all. & I pray that you realize the power you hold.

Lessons. From a Dog.

As many of you know, we recently lost our dog, Ozzie.
Ozzie was just a good dog. The closest thing to human I have ever seen.
He was almost 14 years old. In our lives almost as long as Mackenzie has been!
He was absolutely a part of our family and a piece of us.
Ozzie was a miracle dog. He underwent a few very serious surgeries, had his spleen removed, had cancer and still managed to run up and down the driveway when unidentified people drove by.
A couple months ago, the vet told us that his cancer was back, and because he was 13 years old, chemotherapy seemed useless. It was kind of a waiting game.

Ozzie was one of those dogs that had to be right in the center of everything. He would follow us around the house when we went from room to room and just lay there & hang out regardless of what we were doing. If we had people over, he wanted to be in the middle of everyone. The life of the party! He had a way of waiting right until you got in bed and then standing on his hind legs to scratch the side of the bed. He wanted in. He wanted to snuggle. The past year or so, he couldn't jump anymore, so he would just wait until you got OUT of bed to pick him up & put him on the bed with you.

I learned something really important through all of this.
With Ozzie, we knew that his life was coming to an end. I know for me, it influenced the way I related to him. The way I treated him. The attention I gave him.
I think that knowing that we will soon lose something causes us to look at it in a new way.

If we know our significant other is going out of town for a prolonged time, the little things fall away. Arguments are easier to avoid. We just focus on soaking up their presence. We focus on loving them as hard as we can for the amount of time that we can.
If we know that we're about to graduate (from whatever program, school, etc) we are able to embrace the goodness in that period of our lives. I know that a lot of my friends are graduating from college soon. From places that they've grown to love. When you know you're about to leave somewhere or something, things that would normally irritate you suddenly become less important than the things that you'll miss.
If we're struggling with our health or if we're worried about the health of someone that we love. If we experience loss, whether it is sudden or expected, our value of life skyrockets.

But what if we lived like that regardless?
Regardless of whether we knew the end were coming or if we didn't know.
What if we let traffic bother us less and rolled down the windows to experience the gift of free time and good radio?
What if we allowed snide comments from the people we love to roll off our back, and we instead gave a word of love to them in response?
What if we stopped focusing on the fact that our bank accounts aren't where we want them to be, and we gave what we do have to people that aren't sure if they'll pay rent this month. Or if they'll feed their families tonight?
What if we truly left work at work, and we came home to invest in our families? In our parents? In our spouses? In our loved ones?
What if we stopped complaining about the rain and were thankful for God's provision, no matter what form it comes in?
What if we stopped waiting for what was going to happen after we graduated? After we got married? After we moved out?
What if we lived right NOW! In this moment.

We knew we were going to lose Ozzie. We knew, so we were able to pay attention to him when we may have walked past because we were busy. We were able to love on him no matter how many times he clawed our comforters apart. Or barked at the doors. Or waited to be picked up and taken downstairs.

But the truth is, we could lose anything. At anytime. There is no guarantee for anything in our world. The only thing that is forever is our relationship with Christ. He has given us so many gifts that we simply take for granted. Joy that we miss because we're focused on our misfortunes. Laughter that we miss because we're focused on pain. Love that we miss because we're focused on loss. Relationships that we miss because we're focused on the past.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss it. I don't want to invest my heart in worry or anger or fear when the things available to me are fulfillment and joy and happiness.

Who would you treat differently if you knew you were going to lose them?
How would that change how you live?
I know for me, it would change a lot of things.
I pray that we're both able to embrace those changes.
& I hope we're both able to learn such an incredible lesson.

...from a dog.