Be Scared.

I was talking to an old boyfriend earlier this week, and he said that my actions in the relationship 'scared him away'.
At first, these words hurt my feelings. I can't act like it didn't make me really think... I mean, nobody wants to be 'scary'. Especially in a relationship. Especially only being 20 years old. I am too young to be scary, right?
I wish I could explain why I get so caught up in things. Not just boyfriends but everything. I let things completely entangle me in emotion...
So, anyway, I was sitting here just thinking about how everything turned out. I could feel myself reprimanding my behavior. Thinking that I need to change. Maybe if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then I wouldn't get let down so easily.
But then I thought if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then the amazing things that I have experienced also would not have happened.
The truth is, I want to be scared. I want to be on the edge of my seat. I want to create magic... & magic never happens for the people that sit back and let life happen to them. Magic happens for the people that go out and MAKE life happen.
When I first accepted the Lord, I was scared. When I sang for the first time at Crossroads, I was scared. When I went on first dates. When I leaned in for first kisses. When I stood up in front of producers & auditioned for the biggest thing I've ever done. When I sang in front of 30,000 people in Jacksonville & in New Orleans & in Talladega. When I started leading 15 twelve year old girl on Wednesday. I was scared. And these things are what have fashioned me into what I am today.
Life is scary. It doesn't matter how many people have walked the walk before you. It doesn't matter how many stories you hear. You'll never be prepared for what's coming to you. & that is scary.
I don't know about you, but I want to be scared. Because when you're scared, you learn. When you're scared, sometimes you find incredible reward!
Be scared. But don't let it keep you from living. From loving. From growing & finding who you are in the meantime.