Goodbye 2010!

I just finished baking cupcakes! Yes, for me, this is quite an accomplishment! I do not cook or bake ever! Tonight, we will ring in the New Year at Moni's house with our family and friends! I must say, this break has been something else. I have loved spending so much time with my parents, sister, aunt and uncle and cousins, but I have been sick all the while! No fun! :( First is was a stomach bug, and now I am on round the clock sinus medicine trying to fight some sort of cold. The next ten days are going to be ridiculously fun. I will make sure that they are.

In all my spare time, I've been reading. I love to read, so I've read hundreds of books in my life, but these last three books have had very similar themes. First, I read Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen. Then, I read Sun-Kissed Christmas by Katherine Applegate. Right now, I am in the middle of The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. They are all about some girl that thinks that they or someone else can't change. You may have read or heard or even believe the same thing. That the way that someone is in the present correlates exactly with how they were in the past as well as who they will be in the future. Me, being the optimist that I am, I have always believed that people do change. I have always stood by the fact that if something drastic happens or something occurs that means enough to someone, they will change. They will and can change for the better or the worse... I think that I stand corrected. Not simply because I read a few books will fictional characters that employ this theme, but because I haven't wanted to face the fact that it's true.

In The Last Song, Ronnie covers up the fact that she loves the world around her including her father, brother, mother and even Will, the lovely, muscular boy that steals her heart when he knocks her soda on her with rebelliousness and a sharp tongue. In Sun Kissed Christmas, Summer hides how much she loves Austin by throwing herself into school and overdramatizing every single thing that happens. In Along for the Ride, Auden won't allow herself to feel or make any memories or friends because of her upbringing. She was always treated like an adult, and she doesn't know how to enjoy spending time with giggly girls and skater boys like the rest of the people her age. The authors may be trying to make the reader think that these characters have changed throughout the story, but they all had the ability and characteristics to do these things. They had adapted their lives to circumstances, and when the climax of the story finds itself on paper, they are just acting on impulse... who they really are. They aren't hiding anymore; they haven't changed. They are just being who they were destined to be in the first place.

Some grandparents leave and never come back because they don't have a reason to stay... Not because something terrible happened and they don't know how to cope anymore. They never knew how to cope. Some guys do things that I'll never understand, and they say things that make no sense. They have habits that they try to defend, but they won't ever change. They may grow up and learn to prioritize, but they may not. They will forever be the same guy that you met at the power lines with a cigar in his mouth at the age of 16... even if they learn to put on a suit, carry a brief case, or put out fires. Some girls will never find who they were really meant to be. They will let some deficit of self confidence or self esteem keep them from doing something for themSELVES! Those same girls that followed guys that never gave them any sort of attention in middle and high school will be bossed around for the rest of their lives. They may move on up to a nice house in the suburbs with a family and a dog and vacations and a picture perfect exterior, but behind those eyes, they will hold fear of being left behind. They will be scared. They will define themselves through what others see, and they will never accomplish anything that they were destined to accomplish.

People don't change. Circumstances. Places. Things. Money. Coping mechanisms. Society's norms. Those things change. Everyday they change... but who we are, that will always be inside. You can't escape it. No one can. I just wish we were better at facing it and embracing it. So when push comes to shove, we'll know why people make the decisions they do. Our choices shouldn't be surprises, and if they are, maybe we should reevaluate the image that we project.

Stop Looking

Marilyn Monroe said, "I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful!"

Marilyn Monroe's quotes are, by far, my favorite.
I have learned that every ounce of this quote is true.
College. Or jobs. Or opportunities that bring money mean nothing if we do not shine in the process.
Life should be wonderful. Not our bank accounts. We are what make us wonderful, and our jobs should only supplement that fact.
Stop the questions.
Stop the worry.
Stop.
Everyone has the ability to
Just be wonderful.

Living Here and Now!

"If you keep one eye on the past and one eye on the future, you'll be cock-eyed today!"

Yes, this quote is lighthearted and cute, but it holds a great deal of meaning. We had to write our very last 'Composing the Self' essay for my Freshman Seminar Class this weekend, and I chose to write about Living in the Moment. I think it's safe to say that I have never been one of those people that "lives for today," but the importance of it has become clear to me over the past few months.
I had no idea that I still had so much to learn about life after high school. No one understands how much you change after starting college until you actually go through it. I'm still growing, and I am still learning. And the person that I am needs to stop being so focused on what happened yesterday and what may or may not happen tomorrow. There's no sense in that.

I have one week of class left, and one week of finals. My very first college finals ever! It's pretty crazy! This first semester has gone by so fast! I can hardly believe it. I can't wait for Christmas. Christmas is going to be absolutely amazing because, for some reason, I have a new meaning for it. Christmas is beautiful, and I feel like I understand that for the first time ever! I miss my family so much! I always thought I'd grow up and move away, but it's safe to say that I will be moving BACK as soon as possible!