First, you must know that this post was inspired by a book called "Graceful" by Emily P. Freeman.
This book has literally been sitting on my desk, staring at me, for at least 6 months now.
I actually picked it up tonight as a means to distract myself from the crazy homework load ahead of me this week. How guilty can you feel about not writing a paper about domestic violence when you're reading a book about Jesus? I know, I know... That's a sad way to use my spirituality.
Anyway, this book hit me. It answered so many questions that I had regarding where I was going. Where I am supposed to go from here? Where does GOD want me to go from here? Before I started "Graceful" I prayed about God answering me in a way that my small, tiny mind would understand. That the answer would resonate within me. & He answered me. Hugely.
I'm a "good girl." Always have been. Will always be.
The author of this book is so me, I can't even explain it without taking words right from her.
She described her "good-girl-ness" as follows:
"I have exactly one piercing in each ear. And only my ears. I don't have any tattoos. Needles.
I didn't sneak into rated-R movies, I didn't skip class except on senior skip day, and even though I did cheat on a few tests in biology, I felt super guilty about it. I didn't drink in high school because it was illegal and because I watched people throw up when they drank too much. But I liked having friends too much to skip the parties altogether, so I was the designated driver for my girlfriends. That got real old really fast."
She goes on to talk about her experiences in middle & high school. Yes, me. To the letter. But, so what? There's another girl out there that's kind of like me? Why should you care about this?
Because I think a lot of us are hiding behind this "good girl" (or "good boy") facade that she explained. Being a Christian, we know the stories about boundless, beautiful grace that God gives to those that come out of the pit. Past drug addicts. Abusive people. Those struggling with all kinds of disorders and illnesses and backgrounds. We know that God embraces those people. When we tell others about Jesus, we tell them that He died for "the least of these." We know the scriptures that detail how Jesus reaches out to the sick. "Healthy people don't need a hospital; sick people do."
So what about those of us that are somewhere in the middle? Those of us that grew up in a Christian home. We learned the Bible stories. We know God's grace through Jesus Christ. We pray (maybe not as often as we should). Of course, we sin, but we haven't committed any "big" sins. (As if they're all different?) We know what the Christian life is supposed to look like, so we stress about measuring up to it. We know that God is actively searching to love and heal the weak. The wicked. The jaded. Those that are so far from Him. We actually start to believe that if He is looking so hard for those people, then He might miss us? We feel a little closer to the source of His mercy. We know enough to want more, but we keep our distance. That distance isn't quite as far as someone else's distance, so will God look over us to find them?
We try to "be good" so God will notice us. We want God to see us acting like "good Christian folk" and we miss the point. We treat God like He is a distant, blurry shadow watching us from afar. He is an active participant in our lives. He is so close. We are not acting FOR God. We should be interacting WITH God.
Think about original sin for a second. Eve did not cheat on Adam. She wasn't doing drugs in the bushes. They weren't in an abusive relationship. Sin entered the world because Eve believed a lie about a piece of FRUIT. Fruit. It wasn't even chocolate covered. There was no caramel sauce involved here. It was healthy. It was good. It was the perfect "good-girl-temptation."
Many people hide behind their insecurities. But a lot of us are hiding behind our securities. I'm guilty of this. When my faith gets tied up and my heart is bruised, I go back to what I know. I hide behind my intelligence. I hide behind music. I hide behind the faith of my family. I hide behind the things that I feel that I'm good at. I feel confident in those things, so I stay there. I don't venture out.
I hide behind the rules because I feel that I am closer to God by checking them off one by one.
I hide behind my good reputation, and I struggle to follow an unpredictable God in fear that people won't understand why.
I hide behind positive emotions and a plastic smile because I fear that people will see that I am a neurotic mess.
But I'm not alone. We all do this.
We're hiding. But the best part of hiding is being found.
God is seeking me. My heart. You. Your heart.
We can only hide for so long.
Us hiders spend a lot of time asking questions. We think just because we spend so much time hiding that God is hiding the answers from us. But really... The answers are all there. Right in front of us. We're inadvertently hiding from the life that God has meant for us to live.
Maybe you're worrying about what kind of job you'll end up with. Maybe you hate your current job. Maybe you're praying about a relationship. An almost-relationship. Maybe you don't know what school you're supposed to go to. You're unsure of your next steps. But you're way too good to let them see you sweat... You keep up the facade. Then when the fear, anxiety and uncertainty sets in, you lift your head to the sky and ask, "What am I supposed to do?"
You're asking the wrong questions. You should ask yourself, "What am I going to believe?"
If you believe in God, then you can find confidence in His perfect plan. His perfect grace. It seems too good to be true, I know. I get caught up in the grace effect daily. But living the Christian life is not at all about the things that you do. The rituals. The rules. It's about who you are. It's about reflecting Jesus, and letting Him completely wreck you. Letting Him define you.
We have to stop hiding behind the "good" stuff so that we can experience the GREAT stuff. Sure, comfortable is good. But there is nothing comfortable about living out loud for Jesus.
We can continue striving for "good" all on our own... Or we can reach for His greatness. His righteousness. & He'll reach back.
Every time.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Fear & Pain
I love The Biggest Loser.
It has a little to do with the fact that I have an embarrassingly large crush on Bob Harper... But it mostly has to do with the fact that I love life change. These people lose hundreds of pounds. Their lives are altered forever, and I think it's awesome!
Another thing: I have an overwhelming fear of needles. Or maybe it's blood? I don't really know? All I do know is that the last time I got my finger pricked... I passed out on the floor and Stephanie had to come babysit me. Listening to someone TALK about having surgery tonight made me light leaded.
Ok, back to the point.
Tonight, a theme that has presented itself to me over & over during the past couple weeks was presented on The Biggest Loser. They faced their fears. One of them sang in front of an audience, another one swam in the open ocean, etc. Facing fears is never a fun thing... It hurts. It's not necessarily something that we look forward to doing. I never look forward to going to the doctor. The thought of having a baby makes me instantly dizzy... and I am not even DATING anyone... It's not even a pertinent worry, but it makes me nauseous.
I was talking to a research assistant at the lab that I work at just the other day, and he was talking about how fear and pain are feelings that are completely relevant. They come, and they go, and there is little we can do to stop them. They're like impulses. The thing that is important to remember about them is that they don't last forever. If fear or pain is prolonged... then we're making a choice to allow them to persist in our lives. Suffering or worry is just pain & fear that we choose to allow in our hearts.
I have been reading Romans over and over again through the past couple of weeks.
This verse has stuck out to me, and I have it written on several index cards strategically placed... well, everywhere. (Maybe there is little strategy involved?)
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ""Abba," Father." Romans 8:15.
We should never be slaves to fear. God has released us from those chains.
So, as you can see, the idea of fear has been on my mind a lot lately. It has been all over the place, so, of course, I find it necessary to type it out.
Back to The Biggest Loser. I don't know how staged the show is? It is reality television, so all of the "emotional breakthroughs" could have no real emotional merit. I don't know? It's not up to me to know. I try not to be a skeptic. What I do know is that losing weight or becoming healthy or dropping a habit or getting out of an abusive relationship or giving your life to Christ... all of those things are life change. & life change happens when you face fear.
Losing a couple pounds because you started a new weight loss program and then gaining it back when your body acclimates to a couple miles on a treadmill once or twice a week is not life change.
The Biggest Loser people are changing the in's and out's of what they do on a daily basis. They are learning how to tackle real life problems. They are renewing their minds so that they can make a lifestyle change instead of just a temporary body change. It's scary. I mean, if you've ever watched the show, you see the fear in their eyes when Jillian tells them to run at a 7.0 for 5 minutes when they're like 400 pounds... That's fear! No doubt!
We have to renew our minds... Change our thinking... Make choices that impact our lives for the better every day.
Not everyone struggles with weight. These people on TV were afraid that obesity would claim their lives. You may not have that struggle.
Your fear may be something else entirely.
Maybe you fear that your health will fail you.
Maybe you fear that someone's health that you love with fail them.
Maybe you fear being alone.
Maybe you fear failure.
Maybe you fear losing your husband or your children or your parents.
Maybe you fear change in general.
I have no idea what it is that scares you.
But I do know that you have a choice to either let that fear overpower you or let that fear go.
I have no idea what the real point of this post is?
It's hard to post a blog telling people to do something that I so clearly do not have control over myself.
We're all works in progress. :)
& we're doing it together!
It has a little to do with the fact that I have an embarrassingly large crush on Bob Harper... But it mostly has to do with the fact that I love life change. These people lose hundreds of pounds. Their lives are altered forever, and I think it's awesome!
Another thing: I have an overwhelming fear of needles. Or maybe it's blood? I don't really know? All I do know is that the last time I got my finger pricked... I passed out on the floor and Stephanie had to come babysit me. Listening to someone TALK about having surgery tonight made me light leaded.
Ok, back to the point.
Tonight, a theme that has presented itself to me over & over during the past couple weeks was presented on The Biggest Loser. They faced their fears. One of them sang in front of an audience, another one swam in the open ocean, etc. Facing fears is never a fun thing... It hurts. It's not necessarily something that we look forward to doing. I never look forward to going to the doctor. The thought of having a baby makes me instantly dizzy... and I am not even DATING anyone... It's not even a pertinent worry, but it makes me nauseous.
I was talking to a research assistant at the lab that I work at just the other day, and he was talking about how fear and pain are feelings that are completely relevant. They come, and they go, and there is little we can do to stop them. They're like impulses. The thing that is important to remember about them is that they don't last forever. If fear or pain is prolonged... then we're making a choice to allow them to persist in our lives. Suffering or worry is just pain & fear that we choose to allow in our hearts.
I have been reading Romans over and over again through the past couple of weeks.
This verse has stuck out to me, and I have it written on several index cards strategically placed... well, everywhere. (Maybe there is little strategy involved?)
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ""Abba," Father." Romans 8:15.
We should never be slaves to fear. God has released us from those chains.
So, as you can see, the idea of fear has been on my mind a lot lately. It has been all over the place, so, of course, I find it necessary to type it out.
Back to The Biggest Loser. I don't know how staged the show is? It is reality television, so all of the "emotional breakthroughs" could have no real emotional merit. I don't know? It's not up to me to know. I try not to be a skeptic. What I do know is that losing weight or becoming healthy or dropping a habit or getting out of an abusive relationship or giving your life to Christ... all of those things are life change. & life change happens when you face fear.
Losing a couple pounds because you started a new weight loss program and then gaining it back when your body acclimates to a couple miles on a treadmill once or twice a week is not life change.
The Biggest Loser people are changing the in's and out's of what they do on a daily basis. They are learning how to tackle real life problems. They are renewing their minds so that they can make a lifestyle change instead of just a temporary body change. It's scary. I mean, if you've ever watched the show, you see the fear in their eyes when Jillian tells them to run at a 7.0 for 5 minutes when they're like 400 pounds... That's fear! No doubt!
We have to renew our minds... Change our thinking... Make choices that impact our lives for the better every day.
Not everyone struggles with weight. These people on TV were afraid that obesity would claim their lives. You may not have that struggle.
Your fear may be something else entirely.
Maybe you fear that your health will fail you.
Maybe you fear that someone's health that you love with fail them.
Maybe you fear being alone.
Maybe you fear failure.
Maybe you fear losing your husband or your children or your parents.
Maybe you fear change in general.
I have no idea what it is that scares you.
But I do know that you have a choice to either let that fear overpower you or let that fear go.
I have no idea what the real point of this post is?
It's hard to post a blog telling people to do something that I so clearly do not have control over myself.
We're all works in progress. :)
& we're doing it together!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Perks of Being an Insomniac
Someone once told me that all great works of literature either come from very positive experiences or very negative ones.
You rarely hear hit songs about a love life that's just... blah. It's either overwhelmingly incredible or it's over and the worst pain the writer's ever felt. Books are similar. Nobody writes about a topic that just interests them slightly. They're either deeply moved, deeply touched or deeply upset by the topic they approach.
A few weeks ago, I updated this blog with all of this amazing news that I was doing cartwheels over. & I have read over that post many times since. I knew that the pressure would get to me, but I had no idea that it would come so soon.
It's a lot of pressure. Haha. It's a lot of deadlines. Many more than I expected. Speaking of expectations, it's a lot of those, too. Expectations are dangerous. Pressure is dangerous.
I have a lot to get done, and to be honest, I manage, by the grace of God, to find enough hours in the day to get it all completed. But that built up stress and anxiety leads me to not sleep. Sure, I fall asleep for a little while. Sometimes, like tonight, I fall asleep by 8:30. But I always wake up. With a pinch in my chest. This nagging sensation that things are falling apart. There's always more to do. && this is clearly not healthy. Haha.
How is this a perk, you ask?
I am being humbled.
It's always good if someone describes you as "humble." At least in my opinion, I think humility is a great trait. Before I end every conversation with God, I always ask Him to grant me with joy, peace and humility.
But "being humbled"... This is not really all that great. It normally involves being broken down. Yes, I am always working toward being a humble person, but I am always a little apprehensive about how God's going to get me there.
I know that this period of my life is just a stepping stone. It is incredible. There are so many opportunities. So many loose ends to tie up. So much excitement. So much going on... But it is still just a stepping stone. I am learning to be careful about getting wrapped up in the journey to the point of missing completely the destination.
I was talking to a woman that I met between classes at school last week. She was older. She had a wedding ring on, and she spoke of children. She was beautiful and graceful. She told me, "Honey, enjoy these years. Stay out too late, explore beyond the place you feel comfortable and go on as many dates as you can. Don't settle down too early." I know she was mostly kidding. It was clear that she adored her husband and children, but there was still something in her eyes that stuck with me as I drove home. She was a little bit envious.
To be honest, I was a little bit envious of her. I want to know where I end up.
I want to have a ring on my finger. I want to put a ring on some super lucky guy's finger... Haha.
I want to have a stable income and live in my own house.
I want one of the dogs that I look at every week on the internet from the humane society.
I want to stop commuting.
But maybe that's the point. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
We start to let ourselves believe that if we can just get to the other side, everything's going to fall together. It's going to fall into place.
On another note. But still something that January 2013 has taught me. I have a small confession.
If you know anything about me, you know that I am a hopeless romantic. I fight like mad to be independent... or at least to appear that way, but I think about who I am going to end up with probably more than the normal girl. Since I was about 15, I have written letters to my husband. This person that may or may not exist. Haha. So there's the back story.
A couple days ago, I decided that I wanted to part with the dozens of letters. I threw them out. It's not really a sad thing. It's not that I've given up on finding somebody to share life with. I'm just done waiting around for it to happen.
I am over the moon happy for my friends that have found people. Those that are engaged and those that aren't. Either way, I am so happy for them. I will be a bridesmaid. I will plan the showers. I will make toasts. I will support them. I will calm them down when they get angry & I will help them work through issues even when they want to set their partner on fire. I will babysit babies that they have. I will be Aunt Macy. I will do it all. & I will love every second. I am not jealous. I am truly & wholeheartedly happy.
But it's also a lot of pressure. It's kind of stressful. In one of my classes, my professor was telling me about how a woman's physical ability peaks at like 25... First of all, I want to know where she got these statistics... & secondly, I'm like, "Snap. That's kind of unfortunate."
Feelings can be extremely haphazard. They are extremely confusing. They are draining.
So. I'm done imagining some elusive man that probably doesn't exist.
No more letters. Which is probably more sad to me than it should be. Haha. Almost six years of something is gone.
But it's kind of liberating.
Ok, I'm definitely rambling.
I haven't had a full night's sleep in three weeks... Give me a break.
2013 will bring on the biggest decisions that I have ever had to make. It's the most difficult coursework I've ever experienced. The busiest schedule I've ever had. The most...lonely, I guess? That sounds a little more dramatic than I want it to, but words are failing me right now. I can't lie... the grass does seem greener on the other side.
But I'm staying right where I am. I'm going to make this grass, my grass, the greenest it's ever been.
You rarely hear hit songs about a love life that's just... blah. It's either overwhelmingly incredible or it's over and the worst pain the writer's ever felt. Books are similar. Nobody writes about a topic that just interests them slightly. They're either deeply moved, deeply touched or deeply upset by the topic they approach.
A few weeks ago, I updated this blog with all of this amazing news that I was doing cartwheels over. & I have read over that post many times since. I knew that the pressure would get to me, but I had no idea that it would come so soon.
It's a lot of pressure. Haha. It's a lot of deadlines. Many more than I expected. Speaking of expectations, it's a lot of those, too. Expectations are dangerous. Pressure is dangerous.
I have a lot to get done, and to be honest, I manage, by the grace of God, to find enough hours in the day to get it all completed. But that built up stress and anxiety leads me to not sleep. Sure, I fall asleep for a little while. Sometimes, like tonight, I fall asleep by 8:30. But I always wake up. With a pinch in my chest. This nagging sensation that things are falling apart. There's always more to do. && this is clearly not healthy. Haha.
How is this a perk, you ask?
I am being humbled.
It's always good if someone describes you as "humble." At least in my opinion, I think humility is a great trait. Before I end every conversation with God, I always ask Him to grant me with joy, peace and humility.
But "being humbled"... This is not really all that great. It normally involves being broken down. Yes, I am always working toward being a humble person, but I am always a little apprehensive about how God's going to get me there.
I know that this period of my life is just a stepping stone. It is incredible. There are so many opportunities. So many loose ends to tie up. So much excitement. So much going on... But it is still just a stepping stone. I am learning to be careful about getting wrapped up in the journey to the point of missing completely the destination.
I was talking to a woman that I met between classes at school last week. She was older. She had a wedding ring on, and she spoke of children. She was beautiful and graceful. She told me, "Honey, enjoy these years. Stay out too late, explore beyond the place you feel comfortable and go on as many dates as you can. Don't settle down too early." I know she was mostly kidding. It was clear that she adored her husband and children, but there was still something in her eyes that stuck with me as I drove home. She was a little bit envious.
To be honest, I was a little bit envious of her. I want to know where I end up.
I want to have a ring on my finger. I want to put a ring on some super lucky guy's finger... Haha.
I want to have a stable income and live in my own house.
I want one of the dogs that I look at every week on the internet from the humane society.
I want to stop commuting.
But maybe that's the point. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
We start to let ourselves believe that if we can just get to the other side, everything's going to fall together. It's going to fall into place.
On another note. But still something that January 2013 has taught me. I have a small confession.
If you know anything about me, you know that I am a hopeless romantic. I fight like mad to be independent... or at least to appear that way, but I think about who I am going to end up with probably more than the normal girl. Since I was about 15, I have written letters to my husband. This person that may or may not exist. Haha. So there's the back story.
A couple days ago, I decided that I wanted to part with the dozens of letters. I threw them out. It's not really a sad thing. It's not that I've given up on finding somebody to share life with. I'm just done waiting around for it to happen.
I am over the moon happy for my friends that have found people. Those that are engaged and those that aren't. Either way, I am so happy for them. I will be a bridesmaid. I will plan the showers. I will make toasts. I will support them. I will calm them down when they get angry & I will help them work through issues even when they want to set their partner on fire. I will babysit babies that they have. I will be Aunt Macy. I will do it all. & I will love every second. I am not jealous. I am truly & wholeheartedly happy.
But it's also a lot of pressure. It's kind of stressful. In one of my classes, my professor was telling me about how a woman's physical ability peaks at like 25... First of all, I want to know where she got these statistics... & secondly, I'm like, "Snap. That's kind of unfortunate."
Feelings can be extremely haphazard. They are extremely confusing. They are draining.
So. I'm done imagining some elusive man that probably doesn't exist.
No more letters. Which is probably more sad to me than it should be. Haha. Almost six years of something is gone.
But it's kind of liberating.
Ok, I'm definitely rambling.
I haven't had a full night's sleep in three weeks... Give me a break.
2013 will bring on the biggest decisions that I have ever had to make. It's the most difficult coursework I've ever experienced. The busiest schedule I've ever had. The most...lonely, I guess? That sounds a little more dramatic than I want it to, but words are failing me right now. I can't lie... the grass does seem greener on the other side.
But I'm staying right where I am. I'm going to make this grass, my grass, the greenest it's ever been.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
A Grown Up?
I am standing on my head right now.
I want to jump on my bed and scream and do flips, but everyone is asleep & I can't wake them up.
Ladies & gents, this little girl just registered for the GRE. THE GRE. My graduate school entrance exam.
2013 is so full. It is brimming with opportunity. Brimming with promise. I'm not going to lie to you, I feel like I could throw up right now. Not necessarily in a bad way... Haha.
I start this semester on Monday.
I start my very first internship next week. I'm going to be working in a lab that tests children with learning disorders. We will try to uncover the mechanisms of the brain that differ between children that live with these disorders and those that don't.
On Valentine's Day, I'll apply for graduation. GRADUATION! I will be a college graduate in December. That hasn't even really sunk in yet.
Stephanie and I are going to South Carolina in March to help children living with obesity.
April 12th, I take the GRE.
I might take a quick trip to Colorado in May. For a secret purpose that will not be revealed until a later date... Haha.
I turn 21 May 15th.
I'm going to Cabo & Europe.
& my grad school applications are due December 3rd. 3 applications are going out. I hope they all come back with "yes's"! Or maybe I hope that only one comes back with a "yes"? One less decision I have to make.
There are so many other things that will be stuck in here or there. I'm going to run a half marathon. I'm finishing the Bible. (I am SO close to finishing it from start to finish.) I'm writing so much music. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I realize that you may read this and think, "Macy, we don't need an itinerary of what's going on in your life..."
I know, I know. But this is all so real.
I will be moving out in the next year and a half. I am growing up, and I really didn't think that would happen. I've always been kind of dependent. Dependent on my family. Dependent financially. Dependent on the guy I was dating. I've always just been terrified of making decisions for myself because I have been scared of letting down or pushing away the people that I love. If you asked me when I graduated high school where I would be now... I never would have guessed that the independent person that sits here typing would be the answer.
The reason that it's all just fallen into place like it has is because I've moved my dependency from these earthly things to the most wonderful, perfect heavenly thing!! I am completely dependent on my Jesus, and He steers me in the right direction. His direction.
Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I find my joy in Jesus. & everything else is just icing on the cake. Maybe God will send me all over the planet! Maybe I'll get to sing for a living. Maybe Tim Tebow will finally answer me on Twitter & he'll fall in love with me... Or some beautiful musician that I meet in Nashville? My thoughts are getting away from me. The point is. Those things are incredible. These opportunities that He has laid in front of me are truly blessings. & all of the opportunities that have yet to come my way are equally beautiful. But my true joy comes from Jesus. My time with Him. What I learn from Him. That's worth far more than anything I can find here on Earth.
I'm just so grateful. Tonight, while I was praying, the only thing I could think to say was just how incredibly thankful I am.
I always try to tie in some applicable information for people that read my blog in each post. But I feel like this one is more for me. When grad school starts, I am going to be so stressed out. Before I go on the trips that have been planned this year, I am going to be nervous. The tests. The applications. When I finally move out, I am going to have a nervous breakdown, I'm sure. Haha. The dates that I hope to go on this year... Wishful thinking, huh? Those are going to cause some butterflies, I'm sure. (If they occur!) I want to document this feeling. This moment of elation. This moment that is literally keeping me out of bed and pacing around in my room because so many dreams that I've had are becoming real.
When I was 15, Kaci Nalley and I participated in a pageant. Shoot, it was a trip... Anyway, there was this part of it when we had to dress in a suit, and walk across the stage and introduce ourselves and tell the audience what we planned to do with our lives.
I walked across the stage with perfect hair, makeup and an obnoxious red suit, grabbed the microphone and said, "My name is Macy Dennis. I'm from Douglasville, GA and I plan to obtain a doctorate degree in cognitive neuroscience." I know that a lot people thought that was weird. I mean there was one girl that said she wanted to be a teacher/ model/ astronaut or something... It's true. But this is happening!
Don't get me wrong. Something else might happen. God may call me into music before I get my Ph.D. Or something else entirely might happen for me. I am not going to get set in my own way. I'm following God.
I'm just excited. && to be honest, this gives me hope for other areas of my life that aren't exactly "coming together" like I thought they would. God will provide me with the perfect degree, the perfect career, the perfect home, the perfect opportunities to share His love, the perfect man, etc. Well, not "perfect" but perfectly suited for me!
If I could do cartwheels... I would do them right now.
I want to jump on my bed and scream and do flips, but everyone is asleep & I can't wake them up.
Ladies & gents, this little girl just registered for the GRE. THE GRE. My graduate school entrance exam.
2013 is so full. It is brimming with opportunity. Brimming with promise. I'm not going to lie to you, I feel like I could throw up right now. Not necessarily in a bad way... Haha.
I start this semester on Monday.
I start my very first internship next week. I'm going to be working in a lab that tests children with learning disorders. We will try to uncover the mechanisms of the brain that differ between children that live with these disorders and those that don't.
On Valentine's Day, I'll apply for graduation. GRADUATION! I will be a college graduate in December. That hasn't even really sunk in yet.
Stephanie and I are going to South Carolina in March to help children living with obesity.
April 12th, I take the GRE.
I might take a quick trip to Colorado in May. For a secret purpose that will not be revealed until a later date... Haha.
I turn 21 May 15th.
I'm going to Cabo & Europe.
& my grad school applications are due December 3rd. 3 applications are going out. I hope they all come back with "yes's"! Or maybe I hope that only one comes back with a "yes"? One less decision I have to make.
There are so many other things that will be stuck in here or there. I'm going to run a half marathon. I'm finishing the Bible. (I am SO close to finishing it from start to finish.) I'm writing so much music. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I realize that you may read this and think, "Macy, we don't need an itinerary of what's going on in your life..."
I know, I know. But this is all so real.
I will be moving out in the next year and a half. I am growing up, and I really didn't think that would happen. I've always been kind of dependent. Dependent on my family. Dependent financially. Dependent on the guy I was dating. I've always just been terrified of making decisions for myself because I have been scared of letting down or pushing away the people that I love. If you asked me when I graduated high school where I would be now... I never would have guessed that the independent person that sits here typing would be the answer.
The reason that it's all just fallen into place like it has is because I've moved my dependency from these earthly things to the most wonderful, perfect heavenly thing!! I am completely dependent on my Jesus, and He steers me in the right direction. His direction.
Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I find my joy in Jesus. & everything else is just icing on the cake. Maybe God will send me all over the planet! Maybe I'll get to sing for a living. Maybe Tim Tebow will finally answer me on Twitter & he'll fall in love with me... Or some beautiful musician that I meet in Nashville? My thoughts are getting away from me. The point is. Those things are incredible. These opportunities that He has laid in front of me are truly blessings. & all of the opportunities that have yet to come my way are equally beautiful. But my true joy comes from Jesus. My time with Him. What I learn from Him. That's worth far more than anything I can find here on Earth.
I'm just so grateful. Tonight, while I was praying, the only thing I could think to say was just how incredibly thankful I am.
I always try to tie in some applicable information for people that read my blog in each post. But I feel like this one is more for me. When grad school starts, I am going to be so stressed out. Before I go on the trips that have been planned this year, I am going to be nervous. The tests. The applications. When I finally move out, I am going to have a nervous breakdown, I'm sure. Haha. The dates that I hope to go on this year... Wishful thinking, huh? Those are going to cause some butterflies, I'm sure. (If they occur!) I want to document this feeling. This moment of elation. This moment that is literally keeping me out of bed and pacing around in my room because so many dreams that I've had are becoming real.
When I was 15, Kaci Nalley and I participated in a pageant. Shoot, it was a trip... Anyway, there was this part of it when we had to dress in a suit, and walk across the stage and introduce ourselves and tell the audience what we planned to do with our lives.
I walked across the stage with perfect hair, makeup and an obnoxious red suit, grabbed the microphone and said, "My name is Macy Dennis. I'm from Douglasville, GA and I plan to obtain a doctorate degree in cognitive neuroscience." I know that a lot people thought that was weird. I mean there was one girl that said she wanted to be a teacher/ model/ astronaut or something... It's true. But this is happening!
Don't get me wrong. Something else might happen. God may call me into music before I get my Ph.D. Or something else entirely might happen for me. I am not going to get set in my own way. I'm following God.
I'm just excited. && to be honest, this gives me hope for other areas of my life that aren't exactly "coming together" like I thought they would. God will provide me with the perfect degree, the perfect career, the perfect home, the perfect opportunities to share His love, the perfect man, etc. Well, not "perfect" but perfectly suited for me!
If I could do cartwheels... I would do them right now.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Another Year!
For Christmas, I got one of those daily calendars that gives you a Bible verse or quote every day.
Today's was, "A godly woman faces her challenges with prayer, a sense of adventure and a great pair of boots."
I love this. It's funny because I read it while packing for Orlando; I was putting a pair of beautiful brown boots into my bag. God never fails to take moments like that and turn them into moments that teach me a great deal about my purpose.
Those of you that know me know that I love lists. Shoot, those of you that don't know me probably know that I love lists. It would seem like common knowledge that I would take advantage of the time of year when making a list of goals is commonplace. Thoughts about resolutions are running rampant through millions of minds today. Lists are being made. Promises created. Oaths taken. Diets are being changed. Cigarettes are being thrown away. Relationships are either being strengthened or discarded.
I do have a few resolutions. But nothing like the years before. I want to hit 119. I want to run an organized 5k... Not just one on the treadmill! And there are a few others.
I look forward to checking a few things off of my bucket list this year, and the excitement that gives me is probably a little too much. I am taking so many trips this year. So many new places. So many new people to meet.
I stood in the middle of my basement last night surrounded by the most incredible group of people. We huddled around the television. Dozens of us shouted the countdown and exclaimed, "Happy New Year!" loud enough for the neighbors to hear. I turned to see all of these faces that have been around so many other new year's eve's. We hugged & we kissed & for those moments, I was sort of lost. I looked at my friends with their boyfriends. Ones that have found their lobsters. & I was so excited for them. Excited that one day, I will find mine, too. I sent up some thoughts for mine... Wherever he is. I prayed that God would watch over him, and I thanked God that, one day, he and I will be together on New Year's Eve.
I looked at kids that are no longer kids anymore. They're growing up, and they are going to face their own challenges and triumphs this year. I looked at my family. Both blood and chosen. People that have made me into the person that I am. They are the reason that my life is so beautiful. Year after year.
New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are always kind of weird, in my humble opinion. The thought of ending a year is somewhat sad, and the thought of starting a new one is somewhat pressuring. In the last moments of 2012 and the first moments of 2013, I only felt blessed.
2012 was something else. I went to places that I never thought I'd go. I got closer to God than I ever imagined. I fell in love harder than I thought possible. I had my heart broken & then put back together. I made goals, and I made plans. I learned a lot & I felt a lot.
&& now I get to do it all over again!!
On the first day of 2013, God laid these words in front of me as soon as I woke up: "A godly woman faces her challenges with prayer, a sense of adventure and a great pair of boots!"
I am so excited. I have no idea where the Lord is going to take me this year!? I don't know where on Earth He will lead me. I don't know what He will teach me. Maybe I will figure out what I am going to do with this degree that I am going to get in 12 MONTHS. Maybe I will meet the man that I am going to spend my life with. Maybe I am going to lead someone where they need to be. Maybe someone will lead me where I need to be?
My resolutions are great, and I think that having goals is so important. But the biggest resolution that I have is just to have faith. Reckless faith. Passionate faith that reaches out and inspires other people to be passionate.
No matter where I go in the next few months, I will remember to bring my prayers, my sense of adventure and some really great boots!
Today's was, "A godly woman faces her challenges with prayer, a sense of adventure and a great pair of boots."
I love this. It's funny because I read it while packing for Orlando; I was putting a pair of beautiful brown boots into my bag. God never fails to take moments like that and turn them into moments that teach me a great deal about my purpose.
Those of you that know me know that I love lists. Shoot, those of you that don't know me probably know that I love lists. It would seem like common knowledge that I would take advantage of the time of year when making a list of goals is commonplace. Thoughts about resolutions are running rampant through millions of minds today. Lists are being made. Promises created. Oaths taken. Diets are being changed. Cigarettes are being thrown away. Relationships are either being strengthened or discarded.
I do have a few resolutions. But nothing like the years before. I want to hit 119. I want to run an organized 5k... Not just one on the treadmill! And there are a few others.
I look forward to checking a few things off of my bucket list this year, and the excitement that gives me is probably a little too much. I am taking so many trips this year. So many new places. So many new people to meet.
I stood in the middle of my basement last night surrounded by the most incredible group of people. We huddled around the television. Dozens of us shouted the countdown and exclaimed, "Happy New Year!" loud enough for the neighbors to hear. I turned to see all of these faces that have been around so many other new year's eve's. We hugged & we kissed & for those moments, I was sort of lost. I looked at my friends with their boyfriends. Ones that have found their lobsters. & I was so excited for them. Excited that one day, I will find mine, too. I sent up some thoughts for mine... Wherever he is. I prayed that God would watch over him, and I thanked God that, one day, he and I will be together on New Year's Eve.
I looked at kids that are no longer kids anymore. They're growing up, and they are going to face their own challenges and triumphs this year. I looked at my family. Both blood and chosen. People that have made me into the person that I am. They are the reason that my life is so beautiful. Year after year.
New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are always kind of weird, in my humble opinion. The thought of ending a year is somewhat sad, and the thought of starting a new one is somewhat pressuring. In the last moments of 2012 and the first moments of 2013, I only felt blessed.
2012 was something else. I went to places that I never thought I'd go. I got closer to God than I ever imagined. I fell in love harder than I thought possible. I had my heart broken & then put back together. I made goals, and I made plans. I learned a lot & I felt a lot.
&& now I get to do it all over again!!
On the first day of 2013, God laid these words in front of me as soon as I woke up: "A godly woman faces her challenges with prayer, a sense of adventure and a great pair of boots!"
I am so excited. I have no idea where the Lord is going to take me this year!? I don't know where on Earth He will lead me. I don't know what He will teach me. Maybe I will figure out what I am going to do with this degree that I am going to get in 12 MONTHS. Maybe I will meet the man that I am going to spend my life with. Maybe I am going to lead someone where they need to be. Maybe someone will lead me where I need to be?
My resolutions are great, and I think that having goals is so important. But the biggest resolution that I have is just to have faith. Reckless faith. Passionate faith that reaches out and inspires other people to be passionate.
No matter where I go in the next few months, I will remember to bring my prayers, my sense of adventure and some really great boots!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
25 Random Acts of Kindness
This year, I wanted to make the Christmas season a little something more than it normally is.
I decided to commit to completing 25 Random Acts of Kindness before December 25th, and we finished yesterday, so here I am telling you about it through this blogpost.
You may ask why I am choosing to throw it out there on public forum if I wanted to stay anonymous... This seems to defeat the purpose, huh?
Well, the point is to make an impact. I want you to read this & turn around and be inspired.
I took pictures of all of the acts, but I decided against posting them.
So here it is...
1) Donate to Goodwill.
It doesn't matter how many times I go through my closet, there always seems to be a stack of stuff I don't need!
2) Leave a Big Tip.
Dakota & I ate at Steak N Shake last week, and we left a big 'ole tip for Dorothy! She was precious, and the moment she came to our table, we knew that we were exactly where we needed to be to give the big tip!
3) Donate Canned Goods to Alexander High School.
Mr. Morrison and the Alexander FFA were holding a canned food drive last week, so I dropped some off. They also had free pictures with Santa for every 5 cans brought in!
4) Donate Pet Food to the Courthouse.
I saw on Debbie Foster's facebook that the courthouse was accepting donation of pet food, so I somehow managed to get a 25 pound bag of dog food up those steps and to the information desk... I really need to get back on a regular exercise schedule... Haha.
5) Leave a Candy Bar for the Mailman.
Dad and I struggled with the rain to make this one happen! I hope that the mailman enjoyed his Hershey's bar on that yucky day!
6) GiftHope Hope Tree.
We picked a few names off of the tree and bought them a few things off of their wishlists. It's always fun to shop with a name in mind. & to pray for them along the way. Quontez and Markel!
7) Take Chocolate Coins to the Bank Tellers.
I think they were the most surprised and thankful!
8) Take Muffins to the Dentist Office.
My baking skills are subpar... But I think they liked them!
9) Leave Candy Bars in Random Mailboxes.
Dakota & I went to Downtown Douglasville, and we picked a few lucky folks to get snickers & hershey's! It was so sunny yesterday though... I sure hope that they didn't melt! Haha.
10) Tape Candy Canes to ATM's.
This is not as simple as it sounds... I hope someone got the candy cane before it fell off.
11) Leave a Gas Card on Someone's Windshield.
12) Leave a Kroger Giftcard on Someone's Windshield.
13) Leave a Starbucks Giftcard on Someone's Windshield.
14) Leave Christmas Cards on Someone's Windshield.
15) Leave Scratch Off Lottery Tickets on Someone's Windshield.
Ok... So we went a little crazy with the windshield thing. But I just love the idea of someone coming to their car and seeing a little gift for them! & They have NO idea where it came from! Very cool!
16) Pay for the People Behind You at the Drive Thru.
I have heard about this sort of thing on the radio & on social media, but I've never actually done it. I have to admit, I was nervous! But it was awesome! The car behind us had two ladies and two kids! I scoped them out, and sent up some prayers for them before we sped away from Martin's!
17) Write Thank You Notes.
18) Leave Quarters on a Coke Machine.
I think the lady at Macy's thought we were trying to rig the machine, but when we explained ourselves, she was delighted!
19) Leave Quarters in the Gumball Machines at the Mall.
You know the little circle of gumball machines at the mall? We left quarters in almost all of them! Now when someone wants a lemonade gumball, they won't have to rummage through their belongings to find a quarter!
20) Leave a Starbucks Giftcard Taped to the Door of a Bathroom Stall.
Thinking about this one makes me laugh!
21) Leave Quarters at the Play Area at the Mall.
Now there's no way parents can get out of letting their kid ride the spaceship thing that barely moves. The change is already there.
22) Take Cookies to the Church.
23) Take Cookies to Mason Creek Middle.
Homemade cookies might I add. With beautiful bows! :)
24) Leave Dollars Throughout Walmart.
Under the soap bottles. With the duct tape. Next the the kitty litter. Etc!
25) Adopt A Family.
This is our second year adopting a family.
It is one of the most rewarding things that we do, I think. It is so fun to have names and ages and sizes and likes/dislikes! I have been praying over them, and we'll meet them on Friday! I am so excited!
When you're little, the magic of Christmas seems like it comes on so strongly with little to no effort.
The older we get, the season seems to be more hectic. More about money. More about making plans and being on a schedule.
Don't forget what Christmas is about. The love of our God. Him coming to Earth to make an incredible sacrifice for us. He wants us yesterday, today and forever. & that is magic.
How does leaving a giftcard on someone's windshield help them to know Jesus? Well, just think. Maybe this individual is having a hard time. Going through something terrible. Maybe their heart it hurting. Maybe they have given up on the whole Christmas thing. The whole Jesus thing. & then they see a little, teensy, tiny something the says that someone out there cares. Someone is thinking about them. Maybe God orchestrated things so that we ended up crossing their path on purpose. You just never know what one act of kindness can do.
Don't forget the magic. Don't ever allow yourself to become complacent. Keep reaching out.
I decided to commit to completing 25 Random Acts of Kindness before December 25th, and we finished yesterday, so here I am telling you about it through this blogpost.
You may ask why I am choosing to throw it out there on public forum if I wanted to stay anonymous... This seems to defeat the purpose, huh?
Well, the point is to make an impact. I want you to read this & turn around and be inspired.
I took pictures of all of the acts, but I decided against posting them.
So here it is...
1) Donate to Goodwill.
It doesn't matter how many times I go through my closet, there always seems to be a stack of stuff I don't need!
2) Leave a Big Tip.
Dakota & I ate at Steak N Shake last week, and we left a big 'ole tip for Dorothy! She was precious, and the moment she came to our table, we knew that we were exactly where we needed to be to give the big tip!
3) Donate Canned Goods to Alexander High School.
Mr. Morrison and the Alexander FFA were holding a canned food drive last week, so I dropped some off. They also had free pictures with Santa for every 5 cans brought in!
4) Donate Pet Food to the Courthouse.
I saw on Debbie Foster's facebook that the courthouse was accepting donation of pet food, so I somehow managed to get a 25 pound bag of dog food up those steps and to the information desk... I really need to get back on a regular exercise schedule... Haha.
5) Leave a Candy Bar for the Mailman.
Dad and I struggled with the rain to make this one happen! I hope that the mailman enjoyed his Hershey's bar on that yucky day!
6) GiftHope Hope Tree.
We picked a few names off of the tree and bought them a few things off of their wishlists. It's always fun to shop with a name in mind. & to pray for them along the way. Quontez and Markel!
7) Take Chocolate Coins to the Bank Tellers.
I think they were the most surprised and thankful!
8) Take Muffins to the Dentist Office.
My baking skills are subpar... But I think they liked them!
9) Leave Candy Bars in Random Mailboxes.
Dakota & I went to Downtown Douglasville, and we picked a few lucky folks to get snickers & hershey's! It was so sunny yesterday though... I sure hope that they didn't melt! Haha.
10) Tape Candy Canes to ATM's.
This is not as simple as it sounds... I hope someone got the candy cane before it fell off.
11) Leave a Gas Card on Someone's Windshield.
12) Leave a Kroger Giftcard on Someone's Windshield.
13) Leave a Starbucks Giftcard on Someone's Windshield.
14) Leave Christmas Cards on Someone's Windshield.
15) Leave Scratch Off Lottery Tickets on Someone's Windshield.
Ok... So we went a little crazy with the windshield thing. But I just love the idea of someone coming to their car and seeing a little gift for them! & They have NO idea where it came from! Very cool!
16) Pay for the People Behind You at the Drive Thru.
I have heard about this sort of thing on the radio & on social media, but I've never actually done it. I have to admit, I was nervous! But it was awesome! The car behind us had two ladies and two kids! I scoped them out, and sent up some prayers for them before we sped away from Martin's!
17) Write Thank You Notes.
18) Leave Quarters on a Coke Machine.
I think the lady at Macy's thought we were trying to rig the machine, but when we explained ourselves, she was delighted!
19) Leave Quarters in the Gumball Machines at the Mall.
You know the little circle of gumball machines at the mall? We left quarters in almost all of them! Now when someone wants a lemonade gumball, they won't have to rummage through their belongings to find a quarter!
20) Leave a Starbucks Giftcard Taped to the Door of a Bathroom Stall.
Thinking about this one makes me laugh!
21) Leave Quarters at the Play Area at the Mall.
Now there's no way parents can get out of letting their kid ride the spaceship thing that barely moves. The change is already there.
22) Take Cookies to the Church.
23) Take Cookies to Mason Creek Middle.
Homemade cookies might I add. With beautiful bows! :)
24) Leave Dollars Throughout Walmart.
Under the soap bottles. With the duct tape. Next the the kitty litter. Etc!
25) Adopt A Family.
This is our second year adopting a family.
It is one of the most rewarding things that we do, I think. It is so fun to have names and ages and sizes and likes/dislikes! I have been praying over them, and we'll meet them on Friday! I am so excited!
When you're little, the magic of Christmas seems like it comes on so strongly with little to no effort.
The older we get, the season seems to be more hectic. More about money. More about making plans and being on a schedule.
Don't forget what Christmas is about. The love of our God. Him coming to Earth to make an incredible sacrifice for us. He wants us yesterday, today and forever. & that is magic.
How does leaving a giftcard on someone's windshield help them to know Jesus? Well, just think. Maybe this individual is having a hard time. Going through something terrible. Maybe their heart it hurting. Maybe they have given up on the whole Christmas thing. The whole Jesus thing. & then they see a little, teensy, tiny something the says that someone out there cares. Someone is thinking about them. Maybe God orchestrated things so that we ended up crossing their path on purpose. You just never know what one act of kindness can do.
Don't forget the magic. Don't ever allow yourself to become complacent. Keep reaching out.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Christmas & Whatnot!
The reason I logged on to the blog in the first place was to do this award thing that Carrie Cochran passed on to me. It looked like fun, and I wanted to do it. But it involved tagging people in the blog and stuff... & after a few hours, I have resolved that I do not know how to do that. I need to learn, and hopefully, I will one day.
I saw that I haven't posted in a while, and I wanted to just check in to say that everything has been CRAZY!
Incredible! But crazy! So busy.
I hope to get on after Christmas and write more details about some cool things that we did this year to reach out to people around us.
This Christmas season has meant something really different than normal.
I am overwhelmed with blessings.
I saw that I haven't posted in a while, and I wanted to just check in to say that everything has been CRAZY!
Incredible! But crazy! So busy.
I hope to get on after Christmas and write more details about some cool things that we did this year to reach out to people around us.
This Christmas season has meant something really different than normal.
I am overwhelmed with blessings.
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