I don't have a problem with self esteem any more than the average girl.
We pinch, and we poke at problems that we see in the mirror.
We internalize the things that people say at us in anger during arguments.
We have bad days, and we doubt who we are and where we're going.
I preface my post today with this because this blog entry might make you think at first that I am down on myself, but then that I am full of it. Just bear with me.
I've already written once about the female "too much but not enough" paradox, and I feel that you can see where I'm coming from.
I would like to think I'm not too high maintenance. I am pretty go-with-it, and I don't rock the boat all that much. I just want everyone to be happy. But I know that romantically. Relationally. I can be a handful.
Not because I expect too much, but because I find it physically impossible to hold in my emotions. I've never been good at "playing the game." Sure, I have watched the game being played around me, and I could probably play it fairly well, but me being who I am, there's no way I would be happy in game mode.
I like for the cards to be on the table. If I feel a certain way, I don't understand why I can't (or shouldn't) say so. If the person I am dating feels a certain way, why should I have to read between the lines and find out for myself when it would be so much easier just to hear it from his mouth?
There are some days when I am just so overcome with emotion that I need to see the person's face. I need to talk to them face-to-face & make whatever it is I need to say all the more meaningful. There are some times that I have a thought in the shower early in the morning, and I don't want to forget it, so I will text it to whoever it concerns right at that moment. Yes, I am aware that you are asleep & I am even a little bit sorry that it's so early. Also, I tend to have bad dreams. They range from ax-murderer-chasing-me-through-the-house-nightmare to just basic unpleasantness, but I am going to want to talk about them. Most likely in the middle of the night. I am slightly sorry about this, too, but not enough to not wake you up at 3:00 in the morning.
These reasons and so many more are the things that seem to drive people that I have dated crazy. Haha. & when you're told more than once that you expect too much & you ARE too much, it makes you reevaluate. You begin to internalize the fact that you might be too much and not enough all at the same time.
There is a happy ending to this story.
I know that sometimes the over-the-top-run-to-them-with-everything-deep-meaningful attitude can suffocate. I have showed up at guy's houses that I was in love with just to tell them that I was because I believe in the power of looking someone in the eyes. They would always smile kindly but then use it as ammunition against me later. My actions "scared" them away. I didn't fit into their schedule. I busted in on them unannounced, and I didn't fit. Haha. Well, you know what? I have been dating the wrong guys!
To have someone drop everything they are doing just to come sit on your driveway with you for hours. To sit you down and tell you that no matter how you feel, they are in love with you! To not get in "trouble" when your text messages are a little bit too early in the day or a little too late at night.
Yes, I take a lot of maintenance. But relationships take a lot of maintenance! There are days that my emotions get the best of me. I'm a lot to handle. I'm confusing. I want to talk about things that might possibly be unpleasant. & ladies, I know that you know where I am coming from.
Men want us to believe that we need to just bottle it up until they are willing to open up. We are instructed to walk on eggshells & wait around until they are ready, so that we don't "scare" them away prematurely. How many times have you heard that you're the kind of person they want to be with... Just not "right now"?
Ladies, drop them! If they're not ready for you, what makes you think a couple years will change a thing. While you're "waiting," there are guys out there looking to listen to you. They want to take care of you. They want to sweep you off your feet metaphorically and literally. They want to tell you they love you in the middle of the night. In your driveway. Because that's what you deserve. You deserve to be cherished and loved in the same way that you have always tried to cherish and love others.
You can be yourself with them.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that it doesn't involve eggshells. Or waiting.
Only late night talks on the driveway, early morning text messages & someone to turn nightmares into dreams.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Doubt
I use the phrase, "There's not a doubt in my mind," a lot.
Maybe because it's the most serious way I know how to get my point across?
Maybe it's just my passion overflowing into my speech?
I don't know. I just know that I probably say that to someone at least once a day.
There was no doubt in my mind that all of us in middle school would still be friends to this day. I mean like the group that we went to 8th grade dance with... You guys know who I mean. Haha.
There was no doubt in my mind that Douglasville would be the place in which I raised my own family.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would cheer all through high school.
There was no doubt in my mind that my grandmother would watch me graduate.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would graduate & move to Tuscaloosa.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't make it through the application process for Winshape.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would be strong enough to follow through with my boyfriend fast.
But then, oddly enough...
There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to marry Ryan.
You see, I am passionate. But not quite accurate. Haha.
I am not complaining. God has placed me exactly where I need to be to do His work. I am merely examining how life throws curveballs. We can never keep up with them.
I have been struggling with that more than I am proud to admit.
Should we be ashamed when the things that we hold so tightly to fall apart? I mean, we let those things get the better of us. We let those things break us down. We let those things scare us and sometimes even change us.
In those moments, I believed.
Those fleeting moments made their way into my life. & I clung to them. Is that wrong? That I didn't evaluate... I just felt. I didn't examine... I just went. With the innocence of a child, I believed. & it mattered.
It's not wrong. Did your friendship fall apart? Did you not make it to the school you wanted to make it to? Did you flunk out? Did you let your family down? Did you let your friends down? Did your marriage fall apart? Or your engagement? Or your relationship? Well, my heart goes out to you. Something you believed in is no longer there. & I know you hurt.
But hurt is not bad. Hurt is not wrong.
You're growing.
Whether you like it or not. You are becoming something amazing!
So don't doubt.
If you'd known that it wasn't going to work out, would you change anything?
Would you forsake the moments?
If you'd known that the one thing you thought you could trust would be the one thing that you trust the least, would you take it back?
I didn't think so.
Maybe because it's the most serious way I know how to get my point across?
Maybe it's just my passion overflowing into my speech?
I don't know. I just know that I probably say that to someone at least once a day.
There was no doubt in my mind that all of us in middle school would still be friends to this day. I mean like the group that we went to 8th grade dance with... You guys know who I mean. Haha.
There was no doubt in my mind that Douglasville would be the place in which I raised my own family.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would cheer all through high school.
There was no doubt in my mind that my grandmother would watch me graduate.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would graduate & move to Tuscaloosa.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't make it through the application process for Winshape.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would be strong enough to follow through with my boyfriend fast.
But then, oddly enough...
There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to marry Ryan.
You see, I am passionate. But not quite accurate. Haha.
I am not complaining. God has placed me exactly where I need to be to do His work. I am merely examining how life throws curveballs. We can never keep up with them.
I have been struggling with that more than I am proud to admit.
Should we be ashamed when the things that we hold so tightly to fall apart? I mean, we let those things get the better of us. We let those things break us down. We let those things scare us and sometimes even change us.
In those moments, I believed.
Those fleeting moments made their way into my life. & I clung to them. Is that wrong? That I didn't evaluate... I just felt. I didn't examine... I just went. With the innocence of a child, I believed. & it mattered.
It's not wrong. Did your friendship fall apart? Did you not make it to the school you wanted to make it to? Did you flunk out? Did you let your family down? Did you let your friends down? Did your marriage fall apart? Or your engagement? Or your relationship? Well, my heart goes out to you. Something you believed in is no longer there. & I know you hurt.
But hurt is not bad. Hurt is not wrong.
You're growing.
Whether you like it or not. You are becoming something amazing!
So don't doubt.
If you'd known that it wasn't going to work out, would you change anything?
Would you forsake the moments?
If you'd known that the one thing you thought you could trust would be the one thing that you trust the least, would you take it back?
I didn't think so.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
When You're Least Expecting It.
There are no words to describe the past three months of my life.
I have sat in front of this computer for days now trying to string together phrases that can capture the sheer importance of this summer so that I can remember this down the road. I want to remember this summer.
I graduated high school more than 2 years ago. The person I am today is not the person that delivered a speech on graduation night. I am not the same person that moved to Mercer with Stephanie a few months later. I am not the same person that left for camp last May. I am not the same person that entered Georgia State last fall. I am not even the same person that got my heart broken just a few months ago. These past three months have changed me from deep within who I am to even how I dress and how I do my hair.
I have always viewed life as a time that we spend to find ourselves. & when you do, then everything just falls into place & it all makes sense. I thought that one day, I would be able to sit down and pinpoint every decision made, every step taken & find contentment in the fact that it all led to some pinnacle point where I was who I was going to be for the rest of eternity.
But it's not. Which is both incredibly scary and deliciously exciting at the same time. I guess I see that life is not about finding who you are at all, but about creating who you are instead. There is no right answer. You just keep adjusting and adapting. Over and over. It's never ending.
I have done a lot of things this summer. I have driven a lot of miles. I have sung a lot of songs. I have taken so many pictures. I have laughed harder than I have in years. I have found more & more of God's grace in every passing day. I have gotten one too many pedicures. Hahah. I have recreated pieces of myself that I never thought needed changing. I just have that stand-on-your-head-frolic-in-the-meadow kind of happiness that everybody dreams about. & it's not forced. & it's incredibly real.
I am blessed. The plans that God has for me astonish me everyday. He is revealing them to me one piece at a time. Right when you think things can't get any better, something (or maybe someone) else comes along to expand your dreams even more.
If there was a way to bottle up the emotions I feel right now as I type this, I would.
I intended to make this summer, my last real summer, one that would make an impact on who I am.
But I never imagined it would turn out like it has.
In every single area of who I am, God has shaken things up and shown me that His plans are far greater than my own.
I have sat in front of this computer for days now trying to string together phrases that can capture the sheer importance of this summer so that I can remember this down the road. I want to remember this summer.
I graduated high school more than 2 years ago. The person I am today is not the person that delivered a speech on graduation night. I am not the same person that moved to Mercer with Stephanie a few months later. I am not the same person that left for camp last May. I am not the same person that entered Georgia State last fall. I am not even the same person that got my heart broken just a few months ago. These past three months have changed me from deep within who I am to even how I dress and how I do my hair.
I have always viewed life as a time that we spend to find ourselves. & when you do, then everything just falls into place & it all makes sense. I thought that one day, I would be able to sit down and pinpoint every decision made, every step taken & find contentment in the fact that it all led to some pinnacle point where I was who I was going to be for the rest of eternity.
But it's not. Which is both incredibly scary and deliciously exciting at the same time. I guess I see that life is not about finding who you are at all, but about creating who you are instead. There is no right answer. You just keep adjusting and adapting. Over and over. It's never ending.
I have done a lot of things this summer. I have driven a lot of miles. I have sung a lot of songs. I have taken so many pictures. I have laughed harder than I have in years. I have found more & more of God's grace in every passing day. I have gotten one too many pedicures. Hahah. I have recreated pieces of myself that I never thought needed changing. I just have that stand-on-your-head-frolic-in-the-meadow kind of happiness that everybody dreams about. & it's not forced. & it's incredibly real.
I am blessed. The plans that God has for me astonish me everyday. He is revealing them to me one piece at a time. Right when you think things can't get any better, something (or maybe someone) else comes along to expand your dreams even more.
If there was a way to bottle up the emotions I feel right now as I type this, I would.
I intended to make this summer, my last real summer, one that would make an impact on who I am.
But I never imagined it would turn out like it has.
In every single area of who I am, God has shaken things up and shown me that His plans are far greater than my own.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Be Scared.
I was talking to an old boyfriend earlier this week, and he said that my actions in the relationship 'scared him away'.
At first, these words hurt my feelings. I can't act like it didn't make me really think... I mean, nobody wants to be 'scary'. Especially in a relationship. Especially only being 20 years old. I am too young to be scary, right?
I wish I could explain why I get so caught up in things. Not just boyfriends but everything. I let things completely entangle me in emotion...
So, anyway, I was sitting here just thinking about how everything turned out. I could feel myself reprimanding my behavior. Thinking that I need to change. Maybe if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then I wouldn't get let down so easily.
But then I thought if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then the amazing things that I have experienced also would not have happened.
The truth is, I want to be scared. I want to be on the edge of my seat. I want to create magic... & magic never happens for the people that sit back and let life happen to them. Magic happens for the people that go out and MAKE life happen.
When I first accepted the Lord, I was scared. When I sang for the first time at Crossroads, I was scared. When I went on first dates. When I leaned in for first kisses. When I stood up in front of producers & auditioned for the biggest thing I've ever done. When I sang in front of 30,000 people in Jacksonville & in New Orleans & in Talladega. When I started leading 15 twelve year old girl on Wednesday. I was scared. And these things are what have fashioned me into what I am today.
Life is scary. It doesn't matter how many people have walked the walk before you. It doesn't matter how many stories you hear. You'll never be prepared for what's coming to you. & that is scary.
I don't know about you, but I want to be scared. Because when you're scared, you learn. When you're scared, sometimes you find incredible reward!
Be scared. But don't let it keep you from living. From loving. From growing & finding who you are in the meantime.
At first, these words hurt my feelings. I can't act like it didn't make me really think... I mean, nobody wants to be 'scary'. Especially in a relationship. Especially only being 20 years old. I am too young to be scary, right?
I wish I could explain why I get so caught up in things. Not just boyfriends but everything. I let things completely entangle me in emotion...
So, anyway, I was sitting here just thinking about how everything turned out. I could feel myself reprimanding my behavior. Thinking that I need to change. Maybe if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then I wouldn't get let down so easily.
But then I thought if I didn't care so much about people & things & events then the amazing things that I have experienced also would not have happened.
The truth is, I want to be scared. I want to be on the edge of my seat. I want to create magic... & magic never happens for the people that sit back and let life happen to them. Magic happens for the people that go out and MAKE life happen.
When I first accepted the Lord, I was scared. When I sang for the first time at Crossroads, I was scared. When I went on first dates. When I leaned in for first kisses. When I stood up in front of producers & auditioned for the biggest thing I've ever done. When I sang in front of 30,000 people in Jacksonville & in New Orleans & in Talladega. When I started leading 15 twelve year old girl on Wednesday. I was scared. And these things are what have fashioned me into what I am today.
Life is scary. It doesn't matter how many people have walked the walk before you. It doesn't matter how many stories you hear. You'll never be prepared for what's coming to you. & that is scary.
I don't know about you, but I want to be scared. Because when you're scared, you learn. When you're scared, sometimes you find incredible reward!
Be scared. But don't let it keep you from living. From loving. From growing & finding who you are in the meantime.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
fairy tales
I woke up this morning at 7 AM. My heavens, the only thing I wanted to do on this rainy morning was sleep until noon, but the real world called.
I layed in bed and thought about what I had going on the rest of this week. Work & gym today. Getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to babysit. 7 AM call time on Sunday for church. "Back to the real world," I thought to myself.
But really. I do not live in the real world. My entire life is a fairy tale!
The past 5 days have been a complete whirlwind!
For those of you who do not know, I auditioned for the television show, The Voice this weekend.
I have signed up to audition for many shows just like this one. American Idol, X Factor, America's Got Talent... But I never show up. Most of the time, I don't even tell people! Haha.
I cannot express how glad I am to have gone to the open call on Saturday. I met so many wonderful people, had so much fun with my family & friends, and I really proved to myself that this road is something I could really do! I could actually do this!
My fairy tale doesn't end with singing. I'm just blessed.
Blessed to be surrounded by the people that I am surrounded by. Blessed to have a family that loves me and that just rolls with the punches. Blessed to have such amazing friends that could honestly care less if I ever hit it big or not. Blessed to have a beautiful car that runs like a million bucks! Blessed to have a job that still allows me to go and do. Blessed to be able to take it easy this semester & focus on just being 20!
I am just so humbled.
I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.
I layed in bed and thought about what I had going on the rest of this week. Work & gym today. Getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to babysit. 7 AM call time on Sunday for church. "Back to the real world," I thought to myself.
But really. I do not live in the real world. My entire life is a fairy tale!
The past 5 days have been a complete whirlwind!
For those of you who do not know, I auditioned for the television show, The Voice this weekend.
I have signed up to audition for many shows just like this one. American Idol, X Factor, America's Got Talent... But I never show up. Most of the time, I don't even tell people! Haha.
I cannot express how glad I am to have gone to the open call on Saturday. I met so many wonderful people, had so much fun with my family & friends, and I really proved to myself that this road is something I could really do! I could actually do this!
My fairy tale doesn't end with singing. I'm just blessed.
Blessed to be surrounded by the people that I am surrounded by. Blessed to have a family that loves me and that just rolls with the punches. Blessed to have such amazing friends that could honestly care less if I ever hit it big or not. Blessed to have a beautiful car that runs like a million bucks! Blessed to have a job that still allows me to go and do. Blessed to be able to take it easy this semester & focus on just being 20!
I am just so humbled.
I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
When the World Kicks You. In the Face.
Sometimes life is going to kick you in the face.
I mean. Like literally scissor kick you right in the face.
You will just be walking along thinking all is well. It will be a sunny, beautiful day in which you think you've got it all together... Then bam. A size 17 Nike sneaker to the face. (Because I like to think the world wears Nike's)
When this happens, we have a few choices.
1. Lay there on the ground wallowing in our own self pity.
2. Create a strategic plan in which we get even with the world.
3. Overevaluate why we were kicked in the first place.
4. Become scared & withdrawn to protect ourselves from being kicked again.
5. Pull ourselves together, dust ourselves off & keep on moving.
I know that I wish that I could say that I always pick option #5. It's the most rational and probably the most healthy. But I know that I cannot say (with a clear conscience) that #5 is the one I regularly choose.
I know everyone has their own ways to cope with the world's kicks. Me. I try to run from them. I avoid the problem until it's so big I physically can't handle it. Is this healthy? Of course not! But I do it. Do you ever notice how the world likes to kick you when you're down? Like when you're already incredibly stressed out and worried and nothing seems to be going your way some day... THAT'S when you find out that your ex is seeing somebody new?
Or when you've already failed a final, lost your wallet & fell down the stairs at school... THAT'S when your car won't seem to crank.
I mean, right now, I am sure you've got your own series of problems that are running through your mind.
Because problems always seem to come in a series. The world kicks you... You try to block the blows... But eventually you just surrender to the punches. I mean, what else could it do, right?
Robert Louis Stevenson said this:
"Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits."
Really think about this. If you succeeded in everything you did, where would you go from there? Have you ever met a person that succeeded in everything they did? I didn't think so. I haven't either.
We're all on the same playing field. We're all failing. Over and over again. I know the world is kicking me in the teeth... But it also kicks Donald Trump in the teeth. & Bill Gates & Natalie Grant & Halle Berry & Katy Perry & my pastor & my best friend & my ex boyfriend. I can look at everyone else's life... and no matter how it may look from the outside... I know that they are failing just like me.
There's peace in that. Life is not about what happens to us. It's about how we react to what's happened to us. I want to choose postivity. I want to choose happiness. I want to choose joy. I want to choose prayer. Oh my, this is not always simple. But it's beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful that someone that chooses to rise from the ashes & make something new and powerful from what was broken.
My very favorite quote is by Robert Frost.
"In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on."
I hope you know that. I hope I can learn that.
The world is going to kick you. Life is going to hurt. But it always goes on.
I mean. Like literally scissor kick you right in the face.
You will just be walking along thinking all is well. It will be a sunny, beautiful day in which you think you've got it all together... Then bam. A size 17 Nike sneaker to the face. (Because I like to think the world wears Nike's)
When this happens, we have a few choices.
1. Lay there on the ground wallowing in our own self pity.
2. Create a strategic plan in which we get even with the world.
3. Overevaluate why we were kicked in the first place.
4. Become scared & withdrawn to protect ourselves from being kicked again.
5. Pull ourselves together, dust ourselves off & keep on moving.
I know that I wish that I could say that I always pick option #5. It's the most rational and probably the most healthy. But I know that I cannot say (with a clear conscience) that #5 is the one I regularly choose.
I know everyone has their own ways to cope with the world's kicks. Me. I try to run from them. I avoid the problem until it's so big I physically can't handle it. Is this healthy? Of course not! But I do it. Do you ever notice how the world likes to kick you when you're down? Like when you're already incredibly stressed out and worried and nothing seems to be going your way some day... THAT'S when you find out that your ex is seeing somebody new?
Or when you've already failed a final, lost your wallet & fell down the stairs at school... THAT'S when your car won't seem to crank.
I mean, right now, I am sure you've got your own series of problems that are running through your mind.
Because problems always seem to come in a series. The world kicks you... You try to block the blows... But eventually you just surrender to the punches. I mean, what else could it do, right?
Robert Louis Stevenson said this:
"Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits."
Really think about this. If you succeeded in everything you did, where would you go from there? Have you ever met a person that succeeded in everything they did? I didn't think so. I haven't either.
We're all on the same playing field. We're all failing. Over and over again. I know the world is kicking me in the teeth... But it also kicks Donald Trump in the teeth. & Bill Gates & Natalie Grant & Halle Berry & Katy Perry & my pastor & my best friend & my ex boyfriend. I can look at everyone else's life... and no matter how it may look from the outside... I know that they are failing just like me.
There's peace in that. Life is not about what happens to us. It's about how we react to what's happened to us. I want to choose postivity. I want to choose happiness. I want to choose joy. I want to choose prayer. Oh my, this is not always simple. But it's beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful that someone that chooses to rise from the ashes & make something new and powerful from what was broken.
My very favorite quote is by Robert Frost.
"In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on."
I hope you know that. I hope I can learn that.
The world is going to kick you. Life is going to hurt. But it always goes on.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Anyway.
Yesterday, I was meeting with a beautiful mentor & friend, and we were talking about some upcoming singing opportunities that I had. She mentioned that before performing, it's important to get the backstory, inspiration and true meaning of a song you are going to perform.
On Sunday, I am singing The National Anthem at her church, and after reading the history of the song myself, it does mean more to me. It's fascinating, and if you don't know the history, you should definitely read about it or watch the short documentary on YouTube.
Secondly, I will be singing "Anyway" by Martina McBride at Douglasville Idol on July 4th. I have performed this song so many times, it's ridiculous. I could sing the lyrics in my sleep. I still wanted to get more information on it & uncover deeper meanings. After watching the music video & reading a few articles about Martina's own feelings, I read Mother Teresa's poem that inspired it. I've read it before, but this morning, it hit me so hard. I want to share it with you.
Forgiveness. Kindness. Success. Honesty. Frankness. Production. Happiness. Goodness.
Those are pillars that everyone wants their life to be built on, though sometimes we get confused about why they are so important.
It was never about you and the person that you needed to forgive. It was never about you and the people you shared kindness with. It was never about those that uplifted you or tore you down when you succeeded. The things that fell apart that you spent so much time creating. The people that were jealous of what you had or didn't have. It was never about them. It was never about it. It's not about saving face. Being accepted. Being rejected. Being popular. Not being popular. Fitting into a social norm or a societal norm. It was never about that.
I think a lot of people hold back from their full potential because they are afraid of what others may believe about them. We start dating, and we get our hearts broken. Or we watch the relatioships around us in our families and friends crumble. We make up our minds that the opposite sex is just crazy... We are so afraid of being broken that we never let our guards down. Yes, more times than not, when you put your heart on the line, it's going to get hurt. Do it anyway.
Some people don't deserve our forgiveness. But it's not about what they deserve. What happened between the two of you may be irreconcilable... You don't want to forgive. Do it anyway.
Yes, the people asking for money on the side of the street may have a house with three bedrooms. The burnout in your political science class may lose the notes that he asked to borrow. The money you donate to a 'good' cause may go to funding a large corporation that doesn't benefit the cause at all. Do it anyway.
You may not be considered 'street smart'. You may get broken. Taken advantage of. You may get to a point where you feel that all of your efforts have gone unnoticed. The person you fell so deeply in love with may never return your sentiments. Those you helped may never thank you. Your idols and those you admire may never pat you on the back and tell you they are proud of you. You may lose friends. You may make enemies. You may never get awarded or congratulated by the people of this world. Do it anyway.
It was never between you and them anyway.
On Sunday, I am singing The National Anthem at her church, and after reading the history of the song myself, it does mean more to me. It's fascinating, and if you don't know the history, you should definitely read about it or watch the short documentary on YouTube.
Secondly, I will be singing "Anyway" by Martina McBride at Douglasville Idol on July 4th. I have performed this song so many times, it's ridiculous. I could sing the lyrics in my sleep. I still wanted to get more information on it & uncover deeper meanings. After watching the music video & reading a few articles about Martina's own feelings, I read Mother Teresa's poem that inspired it. I've read it before, but this morning, it hit me so hard. I want to share it with you.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;I mean, wow. "It was never between you and them anyway." Isn't it so hard to really see that? Truly understand it. It's one thing to read the words and think it's a cool concept. It's quite another to really internalize what's being said here.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
Forgiveness. Kindness. Success. Honesty. Frankness. Production. Happiness. Goodness.
Those are pillars that everyone wants their life to be built on, though sometimes we get confused about why they are so important.
It was never about you and the person that you needed to forgive. It was never about you and the people you shared kindness with. It was never about those that uplifted you or tore you down when you succeeded. The things that fell apart that you spent so much time creating. The people that were jealous of what you had or didn't have. It was never about them. It was never about it. It's not about saving face. Being accepted. Being rejected. Being popular. Not being popular. Fitting into a social norm or a societal norm. It was never about that.
I think a lot of people hold back from their full potential because they are afraid of what others may believe about them. We start dating, and we get our hearts broken. Or we watch the relatioships around us in our families and friends crumble. We make up our minds that the opposite sex is just crazy... We are so afraid of being broken that we never let our guards down. Yes, more times than not, when you put your heart on the line, it's going to get hurt. Do it anyway.
Some people don't deserve our forgiveness. But it's not about what they deserve. What happened between the two of you may be irreconcilable... You don't want to forgive. Do it anyway.
Yes, the people asking for money on the side of the street may have a house with three bedrooms. The burnout in your political science class may lose the notes that he asked to borrow. The money you donate to a 'good' cause may go to funding a large corporation that doesn't benefit the cause at all. Do it anyway.
You may not be considered 'street smart'. You may get broken. Taken advantage of. You may get to a point where you feel that all of your efforts have gone unnoticed. The person you fell so deeply in love with may never return your sentiments. Those you helped may never thank you. Your idols and those you admire may never pat you on the back and tell you they are proud of you. You may lose friends. You may make enemies. You may never get awarded or congratulated by the people of this world. Do it anyway.
It was never between you and them anyway.
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