Wow! What A Week!

This picture was taken at my sound check proceeding the biggest gig I have ever had: The Jacksonville Supercross!
To some, it may seem like a small feat, but to me, it was the most exhilarating moment of my entire life, I think! I have had some very exciting moments. I was Valedictorian for my graduating class-- I had the opportunity to say the things that I wanted to say to everyone in my class as well as their family and friends, something not everyone was able to do! I've been to beautiful places. I've seen beautiful things. I have sang solos that mean the world to me in front of people that mean the world to me. I've been through a lot, and I have experienced a lot. But this moment was the craziest, most intense, sublime moment ever! The lights and the noise and the people and the busy-ness of it all. Those two minutes that I was singing were filled with so much emotion that I won't ever be able to express it. I am a very lucky girl!
My best friend, Jade, got engaged to her boyfriend, DJ, while in Disney World! So many folks from high school are getting engaged and having babies, but something about Jade and DJ seems to fit. And maybe some people that plan on getting married in the near future shouldn't, but Jade and DJ are different. Of course, I am biased. I love DJ, but Jade is family. I want her to be happy, and I want her to be taken care of. I know, without a shadow of doubt, that DJ will do everything he can to make sure those things are taken care of. They don't have petty arguments, and they work well together. They have become such a part of each other's families and each other's lives. There's no bull with them. They just work, so what's the point in searching around for anything else. I am so happy for Jade, and I know they she and DJ are capable of making this work.
Hahah. Why is it that I have so much to say about Jade's engagement? Well, since fourth grade, Jade and I have been partners in crime. There have been several years that all I had was Jade. I love her so much, and I just want her to be happy. Always! :)

Mackenzie-

If I could give my sister, Mackenzie, one piece of advice that she would never understand the importance of until she graduated from high school it is this: Pick Your Friends Wisely.
Yes, it is cliche, but I have never understood how very true it is until now. In high school, everyone is so good at being fake. Pretending to 'love' everyone just so you can all hang out around one another and save face. In high school, we're fake so we don't have to waste time arguing. We're fake so we can smile in the pictures and have memories that aren't flooded with animosity and hate. We're fake because that's what we've been taught. To paint on a smile, hand out some southern charm and power through.
Well, one day, you'll wake up and look around and find out that we lost track of who's smile was real. Who really cared about us? Who really wants to hang out... Even though everyone says they do. "Yea, I'll be home next weekend. We should get together." "Let's plan something." "Ohh yea. Next Saturday. I miss you so much." Facebook seems to be the only thing holding us together, but we can't even truly say that it is a stable connection. Facebook is simply a portrayal of what we want others to think that we are. I can't say that it's a sham, but it's a shadow. It's just a blank interpretation of what we desire to call ourselves. It's not genuine.

Dear Mackenzie,
Choose friends that build you up. You know those friends that crack jokes about how you might be smaller than they are or younger than they are or not as 'cool' as they are. Forget them. You are the coolest 12 year old I know. Hah, You're way cooler than a lot of the people I go to college with!
Choose friends that answer their phones when you call. Friends that don't break plans. If they're already doing it now, they will do it forever. I promise.
Choose friends that understand that boyfriends are absolutely less important than your girlfriends are. If you already have friends that are ignoring you or leaving you in the trenches for a guy, BUMP that. It only gets worse.
Choose friends that have are going places. Those friends that cuss and talk about sex and alcohol and drugs (yes, I know you have those and YES I know who they are)... Forget them! You will waste so much time trying to keep them out of trouble, and you will end up in trouble yourself!
I have been blessed with the most amazing friends you could ever imagine, but the real and true ones... they only come once in a lifetime. I had a blast for the past 18 years, and so many different people helped me to have that much fun... There are only a few that will actually stay a part of my life until the end, though.
Finally, I guess I have two pieces of advice. Pick your friends wisely, and don't be fake. Everyone fakes a smile to get by sometimes, but don't pretend you're somebody you're not for anyone else. I can honestly say that I didn't create any new personalities throughout the years of my life, and it certainly made things less stressful.
I watched friends change everything about themselves to accommodate a lifestyle I'm not sure they ever wanted. Man, especially for guys. I watched people that I love change what they liked, what they acted like, who they were and who they were friends with simply so they could make their boyfriend happy. Don't be that girl. You will end up miserable and stuck with no way out. When you tell everyone around you so many lies about who you are, you'll end up forgetting who you were in the first place. You are beautiful. And amazing. You are incredibly independent and hilarious. You are already a magnet for the boys... And I'm not sure how I feel about that... You're already having arguments with your friends that I went through before you. I wish I could give you all the answers, so you could coast through and be crazy happy. The only answer I do have id Just Be You.
Love you,
-M

A New Chapter Begins!

Today, I was accepted to Georgia State. It took so long for all my application stuff to get there, but today, I was officially accepted! I kinda feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A new chapter will be beginning. I also accepted a Winshape Camp job as an 'actress'. It sounds really promising and very exciting. It had been on my heart for a while before I applied, and I finally did about three days before the deadline. I went through the interview process, and I was offered a job with the C3 camps which would last until August. I had to turn it down because my semester will start before the camp is over. I am so very thankful I did, because I was offered a job that fits me a whole lot better, I think. It works with my schedule, and it just feels right. I could not be happier! I think that I have a lot to offer to the girls I will be working with, and I know they have so much waiting for me. I will learn so much about God from the people that I will be surrounded with, and those girls are going to show me the grace of God, I know it!

I just got back from my first college spring break in Panama City. I had a good time, but who wouldn't have a good time at the beach?! I just love it there. And easily could live there! It was a good time, but I am ready to get back to school and get through this semester. Spring Break is great, but summer will be so much better!

Next weekend is the performance at Jacksonville Supercross. I am hoping and praying that I can get over this sickness before next Saturday. It is a really really really big deal, I like to think. Thousands of people are going to hear me and see me. I am thrilled and so nervous and so excited... I can't even stand it. This week is going to be crazy long because it will certainly be everything and the only thing I will be able to think about! :) Very exciting! :)

The Glory of Not Making Plans

Over the past few months, I have used this blog to detail what's going on in my head. It is less for my family to read and more for me to read. After looking back, I see that I have changed. I haven't decided if that's a good or a bad thing yet...? I am just evolving. My scope of life is getting larger. I am feeling more things and doing more things. I have started to really grow up. I guess college is when you're supposed to do that?
I have spent my whole life knowing exactly what I wanted to do, and working my butt off to make sure those things fall into place. I entered college hoping to graduate 7 years later with a Pharm D degree, a husband, a brand new life and all that comes with it. Well, folks, that's not going to happen! Pharmacy could not be less right for me. I will probably have no other opportunity to attain a PH.D. in 7 years in any other program, and a husband is nowhere in sight. I do not want to continue my academic career at Mercer, but I am not "accepted" into any other college at the moment. When I return home, I will have to start over with the job search after quitting two really great jobs in the past two years. I have absolutely NO idea what I want to major in, and I have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my life. But you know what? I absolutely do not care.
I am a motivated and determined individual. This time that I have right now... this limbo. I am in between projects. In between thoughts. In between passions. This time is so refreshing. I am able to take responsibility for any action I take, but these moments of no certain action feel so amazing. Everything does not have to be so serious. I can take any kind of class that I want... If I do not like it, I will just mark it off the very long list of possible career choices and move on. I can make friends with people that may not necessarily be like me. I can date people that I might not necessarily fully understand. People that fill up my mind but do not expect anything out of me. People that I can just be with. People that don't question me or hurt me. I can go out and experience things. Small things. Big things. It doesn't matter.
My head could not be more messed up. Some days, I wake up and I am so filled with overwhelming joy and passion. I want to run and sing and take in the world with one breath. Other days, I feel alone. I feel scared. I feel like I am falling behind my classmates and friends. But the truth is. There is no such thing as falling behind as long as you're happy. We are not put on Earth to keep up with the Joneses. We are put here to get right with God and get right with ourselves.
I have learned to stop thinking about love and just do it. There is too. much. pressure. put on who we date, how long we date them, if they're marriage material. Blah. Blah. Blah. If there is an inkling of a feeling there, we have to act on it. Those small experiences are worth it. They're worth every second. There is too much analyzing involved in dating. Just do it. Have fun and, for God's sake, stop the stupid games.
I have learned to stop thinking about where I wanna be in 5 years and actually live the five years. What good will knowing what I want to do in 5 years do me NOW? None. Being on track doesn't mean planning everything out to the second. It just means being proactive and heading in a direction. Making decisions as they come.
I have learned to stop making plans. Those that love me know that I am no good with plans. It's probably a pet peeve of a lot of folks actually. Well, I think there's a reason. I'm just not supposed to be. I want to start taking time to let the plans make themselves.

Some Day... :)

I am indecisive.
I am quick to jump to conclusions.
I am terrible with making plans, and if plans are made too far in advance, odds are, I will forget about them.
I am a little bit too emotional, and I get my feelings hurt easily.
I think too hard about things, and I overanalyze.
It's hard for me to say no, so I end up too busy, too tired and irritated.
I am not one to start up a conversation, and, oftentimes, this trait comes off as rude or snobby.
I am lame. A nerd, you could say. I enjoy reading the classics and health journals on a daily basis. I love to lay on the couch and watch movies.
I am stubborn.
I am not an easy person to date.

I am also passionate.
I am generous with time and resources. Money is no object when it comes to those that I love.
I love the Lord. He is my shepherd, and He will be my VERY first priority for as long as I have breath.
I am dedicated. To my family. To my friends. To my school. To my work. I am going places. I'm not really sure where exactly, but I am headed somewhere.
I am cheerful, and I always make an attempt to alleviate awkward situations.
I love too fast, but I do love hard. I trust too fast, but I am dependable as well.
I'm a hopeless romantic and a hopeless optimist.
I don't mind making a fool of myself, and I do it often.
I can laugh at myself, and I can accept my mistakes.
I live every day with a purpose.

Some day, it's going to work out. Everybody has someone that they fit with. Someone that complements them perfectly, and someone that loves all the flaws and the shortcomings simply because they love the person that has them. Love doesn't make people change. That's not fair. We can't change who we are, and we can't fix all the problems that we have. The goal is to find someone that loves us despite all that. Someone who's presence in our lives makes us better people. Not different people.

I Follow Jesus. Bottom Line.

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A friend sent me this video, and it struck a chord with me like no other. I have a class in which we all sit around and talk about what we believe, basically. We have talked about Good and Bad. To Forgive or Not to Forgive. Where we're from. Who we are and how that affects who we become. The second semester is more geared towards how we feel about global, national and state problems. How do we view the world around us.
I have questioned my beliefs more than ever this school year. Although it may sound like a bad thing, it has been such a blessing! All of these questions have strengthened what I've always believed. I know more now about the Bible, and I feel His presence within me now more than ever!

Being a college student, I feel like we are exposed to so much more than we ever dreamed beforehand. This is true for me atleast. At home, I am surrounded by people that think like I do. My friends and I have gone to church together and talked about everything under the sun. We agree on important issues as well as unimportant issues. When you go to college, not everyone is like you. Actually, most people are NOT like you. Everyone is from a different walk. Everyone is at a different stage in their faith. Some have no faith at all. Some have never heard of Jesus, or they allow the freedom away from home to toy with their faith and unstabilize it.
It scares me to think that instead of acknowledging and embracing our differences of opinion, we blend. Respecting someone's opinion is completely different than just adapting it for ourselves and sweeping it under the rug as "understanding". We know what's right, and we know what's wrong. We can't stand by and allow others to do wrong just so we don't appear politically incorrect... We have to stand up. To be strong for God. To respect others but to not allow those others to influence the things that we have come to believe.

And the stress just melts away...

Beginning during Christmas break, I had a lot of things on my chest. After considering how much thinking I did and how much was actually necessary, I have concluded that I put those things on my chest by myself.
I have been stressing out about college. I am not sure that Mercer is where I want to be. I'm not sure if it's where I NEED to be. I know school is important, but being near my family and friends is important too. There's no point in sticking around Macon when I am not completely and totally happy. I'm only going to live once. And even though college is a short period of that time, I want it to be a blissfully happy period.
So. Problem solved. Decision made.
When you go to college, you lose friends. We all hear this, but no one really understands until you're actually there. Well, I am here. It sucks. You just fall apart from each other, and it won't ever be the same. Solution: Do what you can when you can! Don't sulk. Sit around. Wait for the phone to ring. DO something about it!
Problem solved. Decision made.
Having a long term relationship is hard. You make things up in your mind and warp something not so dramatic into something huge. It starts to make a dent in the relationship... then it makes an unbelievably big hole. I am learning that just because we don't fit in with the other's friends doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed. You have to keep your head on straight and keep your eyes on the right guy. Be faithful and honest and true no matter what or who influences you.
Problem solved. Decision made.
It's time to start doing. To take control of my life and do what I want to do.That's a solution I can really get on board with!